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Hello again, I am sorry that I haven't been around for all this time. So much has happened I don't know where to start... I made another almost successful suicide attempt when I stopped writing in here. As a result they moved me to another more secure in-patient mental health unit. I didn't...

This is a song I wrote/sang in therapy for my dad. Shame I can't share the melody..imagine fast pace, angry melodic rock.. Sometimes I catch myself thinking Wishing I could beam into your brain The knowledge of how you hurt me That you could actually feel it And know the shame that surfaces...

Hey, Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while.. I'm not doing so good at the moment. In fact, I was taken to a mental health hospital last month and been here for three week now. I got lost in a flashback (about the baddie abusing me) for too long and ended up having hypoglycaemia because I...

I was back in Finland for the last few weeks to see my family and friends. Its weird that when I know that I've booked the flights and I have to go, then I just go. I become a robot, I don't feel anything, I don't think much of anything, and when I'm there I don't have nightmares either. It's...

I visited mum and dad over Christmas and sorted through some of my old stuff. I found this note book full of poems that I'd written when I was 9-12 years old. I couldn't bring myself to read them then, but I've been looking through them now. They make me cry, but not sure why. They're not sad...

For the last couple of weeks I've really struggled with nightmares and being scared of everything... I haven't been able to leave the house and had to tell work I've got a bad flu. Therapy hasn't started yet..they said the waiting list is 6-12 weeks so I guess I have to wait a while still...

Since telling the therapy assessor on Tuesday about the main parts of my abuse I've really struggled with my eating :( I've been trying to play my accordion a bit more to keep distracted. It makes me feel safer when I play my music. I think music is my saviour in many ways, but I'm not sure if...

I did it, I went to to see the therapist and let her assess if I could have therapy to work out all the problems and effects that all the baddies had on me. My friend came along and sat outside waiting for me and we went for a walk in the park after (one rare day that it hasn't rained and the...

Firstly I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who's been reading and replying to my posts *safe hugs to you* A lot of the time when I think of my life growing up, I feel kind of a dull acceptance. The feelings only catch up with me in nightmares and proper flashbacks when I'm not here...

I'm glad Christmas is over now, because although it's beautiful time with all the lights and decorations, family and friends and holiday it can get a bit overwhelming. And I usually start worrying about people drinking and struggling with eating, and that's awkward when people have made an...

Thank you everyone for the encouragement with getting referred to therapy. I know I should try and start therapy soon before I go completely crazy. Only every time I think of being trapped in a therapy room with a stranger I get really scared. I remember mum leaving me in this big room with a...

It's been stormy today... This year has been really bad with thunder storms. They must stop soon, it's the middle of winter! I'm really, really scared of thunder. The nightmares/flashbacks about the baddie uncle are scary and intense, but thunder makes my body hurt too, and it's not just in my...

The nightmares are back again. I wonder if the GP could give me some sleeping pills because I'm getting scared to go to sleep at all? When I wake up from the nightmare I am completely lost from here and now. I'm back in the bad place, being hurt. ******************** The baddie uncle has come to...

How do I know something really bad wont happen next cause I've told? The baddie said something REALLY BAD will happen if I ever told :( The GP said she'll refer me to some assessment with a psychologist... That might mean telling some more and to somebody who won't be my therapist either but...

Thank you for listening to all you lovely people *hug*. I think, if I dare to share my story here, maybe I can print it out and be brave enough to go to therapy and show it there... I guess I need to make an appointment with my GP first... And that probably means having to tell her a little bit...

I want these bad memories out of my head... Will they go away if I write them out? I read from a magazine that it had helped some people who struggled with flashbacks. I guess my descriptions are vivid as they feel like they're happening now when I remember it. How is it possible to remember so...

Hello everyone, I'm new here but seeing how bravely everyone here shares their experiences, thoughts and feelings makes me want to give it a go and see if it helps... It's sad that most of you also know what it's like having floods of bad memories and stuggling with them. Although I wouldn't...

I'm quite new to this forum, but seeing how brave other people are sharing their story I'm going to try and share mine bit by bit in a hope that the flashbacks will lessen when they find a voice. Any comments / support would be greatly appreciated, although there are so many similar stories here...