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Thinking of you Mach. Logged in to see how things were going. Be well. -B

Thank you, Anthony ?

Hang in there Mach. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I wish you peace in whatever comes.

Hi omen... This type 2 - hypomania thing sounds like it deserves consideration. I have long believed that there may be some genetic pieces at play (thanks nessa) which perhaps were confused or masked by the PTSD in childhood. It is all a jumble. Perhaps nailing down the inherent "abnormality"...

Hi Luna, Thank you for coming here, and sharing with us. Support cannot exist if no one is willing to seek it. I did have CSA, from around 2 or 3 years old, that really just continued into my teens and then my adult life too. So I may be able to relate to some things...but my family was...

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all of your responses. I have read, and am considering what's been said here. I am not sure if I have BPD. Either it is that, with a tendency to be on the depressed side most of the time...or just straight up depression with extended periods of avoidance-fueled...

Hi ppippi, I want to say, firstly, that I am only offering my opinion here, and that my opinion is based pretty much entirely on my own CSA experiences. Okay. So to me, what makes this abusive is the vulnerable and impossible position that it left you in...the days and weeks after that...

Hey everyone, About a year ago I took a major hit psychologically, and it left me wondering if I was doing the right thing with my meds. Nothing particularly triggered this low point - it was mainly the gradual realization that, while my panic, anxiety, anger, hypervigilance and depression were...

Therapist: "How are you feeling today?" Me: "Really?" Therapist: "DBT or CPT will make EMDR and PTSD for your MHTC." Me: "What?" Therapist: "Your EMDR. It will DID if you don't hurry and cPTSD your ACT." Me: "I feel like shit and you're acronyms aren't helping."

Repulsors

Shame was recently explained to me as a public manifestation of personal guilt. I didn't really get it at first, and once I did think that I understood what that meant...I didn't put much stock in it. Basically, it seemed to me that I was being told my shame was just a massive level of...

Just thinking about you and hoping you're doing well. Glad to read you got the test done, but feel bad that this waiting process is so painful in its own way. But you are equal to this, I know that much. Take care, Mach :) -Brian

Hi Zen. It was nice to see your message here. This week is better? Its hard to say if I'm feeling better, or just avoiding feeling bad. One good thing this week is that had an appointment with my T, and it went better than it has in months. I have a super busy weekend, but I hope to write...

Glad to read you finally got the test scheduled, Mach! Been thinking about you, and hoping for good news. All of my fingers and toes are crossed for you!

I think they are also scared that they're going to get sued for missing something. We have the same sort of alarmism right now at the VA, in regard to suicide prevention. You tell them you have a headache and they're asking you if you have thoughts of hurting yourself. Different...

Hi Mach, You have been so supportive to me over the last week, I wish I knew how I could support you in this. I don't have the words to say, because I can't imagine what you are feeling. One thing you said is that you will just go to the appointments and that the rest is out of your control...

The memories which remain of my trauma are scattered. Its like I am looking at a photo album. The pictures are out of order and incomplete. Keepsakes of some really intesnse moments over the years, but not like the movie that I can watch and feel, when I remember the rest of my life. It is...

I don't think he means to be destructive, but maybe it is. I will die thinking he has my best interest in mind, but I suppose that's part of all of this. I don't trust men I don't know, but once we've met and they've smiled at me then I trust them with my life. Anyway, I made the call. I'm...

I couldn't have said it better. Ditto. This is an amazing place. -Brian

Hi Freida, I am pretty well connected with my VA (I work there) which actually makes it really complicated to have therapy there. I also know just about everyone in that department, because I do some volunteer work with the addiction recovery people, and that is my T & P's Dept. My experiences...

Okay. The ice is breaking up a bit. Again, there is so much validation in seeing someone write that they've been where you are. I needed to hear this. Thank you. Well, I have had a woman therapist before too. That is equally complicated. In either case (and I think it is because of the...

YAAAASSSSSS. This. Except for me it was music - but in the way that, per your example, it would have been the writing for you, instead of the reading. I still do it. Music (like a book) is so very emotional. People do pay to read words or listen to songs, they pay to feel. Performing music...

I wish I could be as convinced as you are. I don't know what I'm waiting for with him. There are so many reasons why I should try to switch, and I cant think of one reason why I should stay which holds any merit after I really analyze it. There is also a huge military dynamic in this...

Hi Phoenix, My T asked me what I wanted, in our very first session. They always do, and I never seem to have an answer for them. I think I mumbled something about feeling happy for a change and he started writing. After a second he said, "well, I think we all do". Then, spent the rest of the...

Thank you all for your kind words. These are tender things, and it helps to have people understand. Its has been a rollercoaster day, and I hope to have time to write about it tomorrow. Phoenix, a more thorough reply is coming when I have slept. I just wanted to thank you for your honesty &...