This makes a ton of sense. I'm still mulling it over. I don't want to change him, not really. I think the only thing I want is to not be taken for granted....and really that's on me. Overall, I love everything about him. He embodies every trait I desire in a mate. But he's too broken right now...
I appreciate you guys answering me...Up until today, we have still been talking daily and seeing each other pretty much weekly. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I know I can't keep living like this indefinitely.
I didn't say anything to him today at all...I'm not sure if I'm ready to...
Okay, so I have a question...We've still been in our normal unconventional/more than friends/ less than dating limbo..... So our couples therapist told me something Monday that she was waiting to tell me until she thought I was "ready" to hear it. So apparently he told her that he was thinking...
I'm not completely certain, because we were both sufferers before we ever met. I'm not sure how the secondary works exactly. Mine's due to my father, in a manor of speaking....but it was from the direct abuse, so I'm not sure. I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I hope you can get it figured...
@Jay02 , I'm sorry if I misread it. I'm glad to know you're taking care of yourself.
@EveHarrington codependency goes beyond just "fixing". "losing yourself" in someone or your relationship is codependent....that's how I originally read it, but Jay02 cleared it up that I read it wrong. That's...
I'm not sure if you meant that you realize you should stop doing this....but this statement screams co-dependence to me. No, taking care of yourself does NOT mean taking care of the relationship. They are two separate things and should be two separate things.
It's not wrong to want to work on...
I understand a lot of what you're going through. I've been doing this with my guy for almost 9 years. He just started EMDR in September and now we still talk and see each other, but in a "broken up"/"unconventional" capacity (that's what he calls it). I want you to be prepared that "a few...
It may be likely. But I've been very tired lately. I've been working on a lot of hard stuff in therapy, and my relationship with my vet is lack luster right now to say the least....So I'm exhausted. I don't want to do anything else...not even eat. Sometimes it feels like I have to choose between...
I lose weight like crazy when symptomatic too.... eating feels like a chore. I'll go daddy's without eating, but then my daughter puts food in front of me. I eat Keto, so it's not a big deal since I'm already in ketosis... it just feeds on itself.... ......and there's still an abundance for it...
B6 is a supplement...a vitamin. Some of the books I would suggest for you would include Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, Conscious Loving or Conscious Living by Gay Hendricks, The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship by Diane Englund...
I was told today that our relationship is "non-conventional". So, I guess that's a step above limbo...LOL?
Now with a some time, healing, patience (and idk, luck?) Maybe I can have a real relationship back with him...
Question for the sufferers:
I'm actually going to answer both...I'll answer for myself in sufferers and my vet in the supporters...
1. How do you feel about going to sleep?
It's stressful. I like sleep, but it doesn't always like me
2. Do you avoid going to sleep?
Yes, often times I do...
I also have had trouble sleeping my entire life. My trauma started in childhood. I cannot remember a time in my life I didn't have insomnia and nightmares. But it's all stuff no one else could deal with but me. Oddly enough, my vet has similar issues. There are a LOT of nights when we were still...
Thank you for your sharing! It's interesting to see a male sufferer point of view too! I think more people could use to understand that sexual problems can often be trauma related (whether or not it was sexual trauma either).
I'm glad your experience with couples therapy was helpful. I've heard...
Thank you @Sweetpea76! It's so interesting to see the similarities and the differences! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
You're input is always value added!
I think you probably mean will power (translation?). I get it, it's the same for my guy. He would like to make better choices, but there's so much to work on, he has to pick a place to start and go from there. This is essentially what he has told me. It's tough, but he's not going to be able to...
Thank you, Eve! It's so very interesting, especially seeing it from the sufferer's position! I read a lot of your posts, so I knew some of this, but it helps to see the whole picture, especially when I'm trying to make decisions for my future. I don't know why, but hearing other people's stories...
Oh, I hear you completely! It's hard as heck to not know everything that's going on. It has been a MAJOR adjustment for me. There are days that I struggle with it all. But I try to focus that energy on working on my own stuff. Plus once you set the boundary, you have to follow through...
Well, I guess I'll start. I've been in my relationship for almost 9 years. I do, in fact still consider us in a relationship because of his actions, but since we're "broken up" by his language - I'm listing it as complicated and in limbo. He has made mention of us working on our foundations...
I'm quite interested in knowing further details about some of your stories. I'm interested in hearing from both "Supporters" and "Sufferers" point of view on this topic. I have found so much comfort and ability to deal with being in the present in my own "complicated" relationship by listening...
I know K drinks energy drinks like they're going out of style. They're SO BAD for you too! His T and his doctor have warned him multiple times to stop drinking them. They're an addiction. He drinks them to stay alert and what not, then can't sleep at night so he's tired again the next...
As a person that also acts as both sufferer and supporter, I'm going to tell you that for your own continued health, you really need strong boundaries. It's so hard to initiate them, but they really are good for both sides. The first thing you have to keep in mind is that you cannot control...