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It's not about changing or controlling. The results I desire are that she KNOWS why we are no longer friends. There's nothing controlling about that. Maybe you're projecting something of your life onto my situation. The relationship with my cousin is over. I just want her to know why.

@jojo88, I didn't feel invalidated or dismissed AT ALL. I even learned something about myself when I looked up the term codependency. I do appreciate your apology, but it was unnecessary! xoxo

@EveHarrington, I answered this question before you even asked it. In the last paragraph of my last reply

I am incredibly sad for you that you had to go through a painful breakup. Friend breakups are almost worse than romantic breakups. There is not guide book for them and breaking up with a friend isn't even socially acceptable. I don't necessarily need to use the word abusive, but it's important...

I definitely have codependent tendencies, but can our relationship be called codependent if only one person is dependent? She's not like that at all. In fact her childhood, compared to mine, would be considered perfect. She has healthy attachments and good self-esteem. Too good though, bordering...

I don't even know where to begin. It's all so complicated. I guess that's why it's called complex trauma. Anyway. I have had a complicated relationship with a cousin since we were kids. We have many differences, but still considered each other best friends or even sisters. However I realized...

Thank you @hodge

Hello everyone. It's been a bit. I wanted to share some news. I applied for disability this past December (2015). Got a lawyer, the whole bit. She said it would take three years for a decision. I almost didn't apply--I was devastated at having to wait so long. After filling out tons of...

Your question really struck me. Just in the past year I was able to figure out and put into words this phenomenon that happens to me. When I get into a tense or heated situation with someone and try to stand up for myself, I can only go so far. If I get any backlash AT ALL, I freeze and then...

I have, well had, a friend who does this. I don't know if she has any significant trauma in her life but I'm betting something is going on with her. She basically has every minute of every day scheduled. We're no longer friends because her extreme schedule interfered with her ability to make...

Wow, that's a lot to deal with. I would be a basket case, I'm sure! I'm so glad you're OK!

Torn loyalties sounds right. It's hard to navigate. And yeah, his method of communicating with his parents is to not communicate with them . I think it will take awhile... Heavenly....

Thank you for all of your words. Trying to please everyone is so terribly damaging! Unfortunately, that's how I survived my childhood and I am struggling to learn better ways fro myself. It's very difficult. Also...to make things even harder...my illness has cost me all of my local friendships...

@Snafu, yes that's a lot of people! @scout86, Going away is totally what we would do if we had my way! And if we could afford it! But he wants to see his bro who lives in New Orleans. He and his wife and kids only come around a couple times a year.

I'm not good with crowds or noises either. And I grew up with holidays being my immediate family (four) plus my cousiin and her parents and maybe one more aunt or uncle. His holidays are basically family reunions. One party for his mom's whole side and another party for his dad's whole side. His...

No way to win, is there? smh. :) Thanks for your well-thought out reply. I've noticed you're good at holding the mirror up properly and getting to the meat of the issue. He definitely needs to own up to his Buck-Stops-Here-ness but my pressuring him on that in the past has caused major tension...

He hasn't been to therapy with me, but we're in marriage counseling at the moment. And he's reading, The Body Keeps the Score and websites I've shared with him. But he's sill having a hard time understanding how his family is so triggering for me or why I "let" them bother me so much. He tries...

How did your spouse feel about this?

Thank you. We live two and a half hours from everyone else. I don't think they'd come here. :/

Hey everyone. I'm sorta new and haven't posted in awhile (due to cognitive distortions telling me no one here likes me or my posts :/ ). I decided to come back to talk about the holidays. Each year I my baseline anxiety increases about 5 degrees or so about a week before Thanksgiving and...

The struggle is REAL. And the friends don't have any idea how much energy it takes to prepare for socializing. Or they don't get it!

I wish I could "like" this one a thousand times!

Bueller?

Thanks to you all. I have a lot to think about now. @FridayJones, I wish I had had your advice years ago. I'm not sure if I would have been able to understand it back then though. :/ At least not without this PTSD diagnosis. It took me a really long time to understand that door slamming...

Has anyone here had to break up with their partner because their own issues triggered you too much and they weren't willing and/or able to work on themselves enough? Not because they're abusive or bad people or even triggering you on purpose. I'm only talking about otherwise loving people, but...