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Thank- you so much, everyone! Lots of great advice and words of encouragement. I will have a job soon with benefits so I will hopefully be able to see someone about this on a professional level. I KNOW something happened at some point and I'm almost convinced it was *that* night with *that* man...

I will, thank-you =(

I know, I know this. I need help so badly. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless, worthless......completely at the hands of what MIGHT have happened. I want to remember.....so much. SO MUCH..

What is wrong with me????

I am so f*cked. I am so ready to just end it. How can I move on, how can I find peace if I cant even remember what happened???? How can my husband find peace in being with a women who detests anything sexual??? god dammit.

I thinnk about my own kids, ages 7 and 5 and I am almost feeling sorry for me....as a child....what if something DID happen. How do I protect my kids or myself for the matter? I had the best patents and the best upbringing, how did this happen??? how the f*ck????

I feel like I need to know what happened. Even if I dont find him or confront him. I hate NOT knowing. Hate it!

I have not spoken to a professional about this yet. No health ins., no money to pay s health prof.

I have only recently related this to my husband, he is trying to help find out who did this/ I'm just wondering....what good will it do if I find this man and where/how will the healing begin?

Hello, I have some questions..... I have a memory from when I was around 5-6 yrs old of a youth pastor 'taking me for ice cream'. In my Sunday school, the child to learn and memorize the most Bible verses got to go out with the youth pastor to Twistee Treat for ice cream. He picked me up from...