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@Mallaky It does have to be unpasturized, most health food and grocery stores have it. It is definitely an acquired taste haha.

I've thought about that myself actually, but what i've noticed is that something survives and starts to ferment in the liquid after about a day in the fridge. Maybe it's just a nice home for something new that finds its way in after the boil, but there are definite cultures that form after about...

Hey guys, since posting I came across the American Kratom Association. They link to some actual research being done in recent years on several of the key alkaloids. It's a great place if anyone is looking to read up on the biochemistry. It can cause physical dependency. Withdrawals are never...

Thanks for posting. I needed to hear that.

Here we go again... The thoughts have gotten pretty intense this week. I forget every year how terrible this week is. First it's my mother's birthday, which was always hell growing up, then it's the anniversary my first major trauma, my sister's attempted suicide when we were alone at home...

I respect you and your faith sonicwhite. I hope you find the support you seek.

Great info Mallaky! I just recently joined the forum, and I wanted to confirm all of the info you laid out. I have been an almost daily user for over five years with no ill effects other than it slowing down my metabolism a bit, which is easily enough corrected by taking it with un-pasturized...

Hey guys, I wanted to share my experience with kratom since it seems really relevant to this thread. First off, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that there have been next to no research into kratom other that some basic chemistry on the alkaloids contained in the plant, and certainly no...

Hi Cat-Lady, I'm a really recent member too, but i've found it very helpful just to have a safe space to express myself honestly. Welcome to the forum. =)

Snowflake, i'm glad you're still here. About a week ago, an acquaintance who was a friend of many of my friends killed himself. It made me feel terrible guilt, seeing the intense pain in his loved ones and knowing that I had been fantasizing about something that would cause so much pain to those...

Thanks guys. Feeling a bit better this morning. I guess I probably should go back to therapy. I just have terrible guilt about letting my family down. I feel like I have to be strong for my sister. She has terrible guilt because she wasn't able to protect me from our mother. I was in therapy and...

Almost every night for the past three or four months i've drifted to sleep while imagining myself dying, or cutting myself, or stabbing myself or burning myself, or any number of violent scenarios. The only terrifying thing about it is that it's a comforting scenario. It lowers my my heart rate...

Hey Shan. Welcome. I just made an account here a few days ago. I'd been having suicidal and self harm thoughts crop up again. I know it can be terrifying when those thoughts come, but I think the worst thing you can do is keep them to yourself. It takes a hell of a lot of courage and strength to...

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel very grateful to have had a T that was trained in EMDR. Maybe you could have a few sessions with them without EMDR to build the trust? I would be hesitant to begin it with a stranger too.

Maybe your current therapist could sit in on the EMDR sessions with you?

I started EMDR after about a year of working with a therapist. I think the trust is key, as you are essentially going to have an extended, guided flashback. I did feel more detached from what I was seeing than in a normal flashback, probably because my therapist was familiar with the story and...

Thanks Mary. After seeing my sister try it, I know that I could never inflict that pain on anyone else, but that doesn't stop the thoughts. What I worry about is hurting myself. When I was 17 I cut and burned myself so bad it took the wounds almost a year to heal. no drug or experience since...

Thanks. It does help.

Hi all. Its been almost two years since my last real flashback. I was feeling healthier than I ever have. But the past couple of months the suicidal and self harm thoughts have come back with a vengeance. I want to cry, I know how therapeutic a good cry can be, but I haven't been able to shed...