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thank you coco that make a lot of sense and makes me feel a little bit better. ( I don't think I could ever commit myself and my shrink is from the VA so there is no trust in his abilities ) but knowing where the strange thoughts are coming from does help

I have been scared of my self lately. I am so afraid that the dark thoughts that I keep lock up in the back of my mind will come forward. Does any one else wrestle with this problem? I have anger issues, panic attacks, and see things that are not there. Some times I wish I could be commited and...

Sorry Bloomy. I understand the feeling of worthlessness. I wish I could say something to you to help lift your spirits or to encourage you to "keep up the good fight" but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Cheers

No matter what I do or how I think, death's door is always there inviting me. I can be laughing and having a good time with my grand-daughters, but still the thought of just turning and walking right through is still there. Death is always there just inside my peripheral, the door slightly ajar...

Thank you for sharing this.

So what will be the next move.. Is the Chief going to put you behind a desk somewhere to allow you to work? Mine just fired me? ( mine just fired me 10yrs LE and 19yrs Resv ), but at least the mil. said thank you gave me a Honorable and retirement, PD just said get out.