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You know you have complex trauma when can spent years totally alone, with any desire to begin with another person, when "having a normal conversation" is impossible , when you can spent years crying everyday with no reason when your only friends are your pills, or shot or whatever

I am also totally alone. No diagnose but, after years always alone and unable to maintain any kind of relationship or a minimal conversation , maybe have cptsd, and very bad. Have a family that made me this, but try to reduce contact. 10 years alone, maybe one day, but, without them

Is not gonna help, is the problem of benzos. I took benzos for 15 years, and 10 years later, still craving for them. Always needed one in my pocket, waiting for the panic to come.

forgot before: In my case, was worse to realise that I was totally alone, totally helpless, looking for help on somebody that was supposed to PROTECT ME, than the problem with my other sibling

If you are not the preferred ones, you are lost. Truth or reality means nothing, because you are the last in that place