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I have a new primary care doctor i just started seeing her in October and i have a psychiatrist, nutritionist and therapist.

Thank you for the support and I am a very controlled person in all aspects of my life I am very rigid and follow strict rules for myself. I am in therapy and my therapist is aware why I don't want boobs I don't want to be womanly that is when one of my abusers got violent and also when I got my...

Thanks for the support everyone i appreciate it. I am 31 been doing this since i was 8 and thing is i don't want boobs and I do have to work on the self hatred and wanting to disappear. I have to do this I have this or inpatient I have to just eat and plan meals and go shopping and have stuff...

I have had anorexia 23 years and its always a struggle. I am living with my parents until next week and i move back by myself completely no roommates nothing. I saw my nutritionist who saw my food record and said i eat much better with my parents my therapist said what does that say to her I...

Thanks for the support. If I didn't just get an apartment I may have more considered a higher level of care and I don't want to lose my therapist either so it's a lot of pressure but could be motivating if I use it that way... it's hard to get out of it I would take a quick psych stay to maybe...

I think what she said was true I would go to a higher level of care but she won't see me anymore if i go she is like done with me at that point. Its a difficult situation but i do still have suicidal thoughts I don't know if she should have hospitalized me last night but that would be the...

So had a pretty rough session with my therapist last night. She feels I am unstable and almost put me in the hospital last night because in my journal I talked about suicide and it had method and intent she said but I promised I wasn't anymore and I'm not but she is not sure my move is a good...

thanks for the support, I called my therapist she didn't pick up and i texted her too...I tried watching a movie it worked to a point I should have journaled but couldn't find the energy and reading is good for me too I just couldn't focus on anything...the pain is too much and my psychiatrist...

I have been so depressed this holiday season...I am just so tired of fighting...i hate the holidays for a lot of reasons mostly because i was abused heavily around those times and parties and what not so all of it is too much i hate just that i want to be happy but i can't...i think about...

really struggling i have started purging again which is not good its after everything i eat which isn't even much...i am supposed to do supplements as well and am not this is the story of my life spirialing out of control...that's how i feel having such a hard time and inpatient keeps coming up...

My best friend died of her eating disorder I know the risks and tonight I told my therapist I am fine and she said that is what your best friend used to say she said she has seen this story...my friend had more health issues though she had diabulimia so had added complications...she then told me...

Thanks for the support I have also spent a great deal of time in and out of hospitals and day programs and iop's I know the skills I think I just don't always apply them. This is a hard time of year so numbing seems good I am eating just not enough it's hard to force myself past safe foods and...

You're welcome it's a hard thing for me but if I keep losing I may have no choice in the matter of inpatient... the other day I was like in a trance and lost time and I had no idea what I did for hours my therapist said it is probably from lack of food and I need to eat more...I shouldn't have...

treatment in the past has made me worse not better maybe because i didn't want to get better but i usually just do worse there or have in the past thats why my therapist doesn't usually push me inpatient very quickly...

I have complex ptsd and anorexia and depression and anxiety. my anorexia is in a big spiral right now which my therapist warned me about with it coming up to all painful anniversaries and i was already struggling now i don't want to stop losing weight and i just lost and my nutritionist told me...

thanks for all the advice I have mostly holidays as reminders of abuse i don't have any specific days for other abuse just this one is the major like the first time ever i was raped i can't not forget it for some reason and it is a clear memory too clear. i would fast but i am supposed to be...

I feel so sad reading this post. I know one of my abusers had other victims i did not know them but i heard there were more at one point when i was in treatment my parents let it slip that it wasn't just me they talk to his probation officer or have i never pressed charges he was arrested for...

Thank you for the support I have plans for one of my anniversaries I am going to try to make it an ok day but I know that will be hard I am hoping to see my therapist on Halloween which is a major one and I took the day off from work because children in costumes can be triggering

I really need support having s hard time with this...

Coming up is a big anniversary for me. though i was raped many times by more than one person including my brother halloween is the first time i was raped by my dads friend at 8 and the first time ever raped i have pretty clear memories of the night but even those go deeper and are more painful...

I just want to say you are not alone. I have anorexia and PTSD and it sometimes feels impossible. Good luck and take care I am here if you need it I am lonely besides my treatment team with this...

my appointment went really well actually it made a world of difference i felt so much better after i saw her. she asked if i should be in the hospital i said no of course and we talked it out more and made a lot of good points I am often suicidal so she judges how i am and what we talk about...

That's a good idea I will write it down I mean she is easy for me to talk to I am just not sure of what I need if it's just extra support maybe I can get an extra session with her or my psychiatrist as well maybe that would be enough to make these feelings pass I have been to the hospital many...

Seeing my therapist at 8:00pm tonight and scared to say I have thoughts and feelings of suicide I know she can't hospitalize on that but still scared and she is not one to jump on that either so I have to be honest I just don't know how to bring it up and she should also know I am useless by...

Thanks for the support I have been feeling suicidal and scared to tell my therapist but feel I sort of have to but I don't want to fully I don't know if I wiuld ever act I have been here before my therapist doesn't jump on hospitalization