Recent content by deno

Your description of the different phases really resonated with me, too. It's not one thing, it's layers — surviving first, then hoping, then maybe even giving that hope to others. It reminds me that healing doesn’t have to be perfect or loud, just real.

Shell 🐚

When you’re deep in survival mode, it’s hard to imagine what healing could even look like, let alone feel like. For me, healing is starting to feel less like winning a war and more like waking up in a place where I’m finally safe to breathe. It’s not always a big, flashy moment. Sometimes it’s...

You said something that stuck with me: “Liberation wins sometimes and the old longing pain of the past and my connection to him wins.” That’s not failure. That’s the tug-of-war between the part of you that dreamed of being rescued and the part of you that’s learning to rescue herself. That...

Reading your post felt like holding a mirror to who I used to be. The way you described reaching out when you're low, the fantasy of being saved, the cycle of blocking and unblocking—it’s like you stepped into pages from my past. I lived that loop. I know what it feels like to dream of change...

That ache you described...the fantasy of someone finally showing up and saying, “I’ve got you, you’re safe now.” I know that ache. It lives in a deep place, usually carved out by childhood. It makes sense that the hope for your dad’s love got projected onto him. That’s not weakness; that’s...

Reading your story brought a lot up for me. I’m on the other side of CPTSD—living with it myself—and what you wrote reminded me how heavy it can be for the person walking beside us. It’s not just about surviving flashbacks or dissociation. It’s about the people we pull into our orbit and how it...

Aurora

It means cumulative.

I get that. Dissociation made it possible to survive when nothing else could. Feeling everything now means we’re back in the room—but damn, sometimes I miss the quiet of that distance too.

I’ve thought a lot about this question, and honestly, I don’t know if I'm missing anything. Most of what was in my life was pain, dysfunction, or survival. I think I’m not in a stage of missing… I’m in a stage of rebuilding. Maybe one day I’ll miss something again. But if I do, I want it to be...

Happy Birthday, Susan. You may not want a spotlight, but you deserve to be seen. Your post touched something deep in me. I never had birthday celebrations after childhood either, and I understand that strange contradiction of being “celebrated” with cards or gestures that felt disconnected from...

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of being alone, not just feeling it but being in it. And as difficult as it can be, I’ve come to believe that being alone isn’t always a punishment… sometimes it’s a necessary part of the healing. After trauma, especially deep or long-term trauma...

Reading this thread hit me hard. I’ve been rebuilding too—on my own—after losing almost everything, including the people I once called family. I wasn’t just erased; I was targeted, misunderstood, and blamed. For a long time, I thought I had to figure it all out alone. I tried therapy, read...