Recent content by greycrayon

I'm glad this thread exists. I went no contact with my family beginning of the year and finding it difficult to talk about. I've noticed that I've isolated myself because I don't know how to bring up my deep sadness and relief over not having those interactions in my life. The shock is starting...

You may interject! A very kind, nourishing reply thank you. Peace to you as well.

Feeling low this night, just low, down, blue, emotions that seem to hit me from out of nowhere. Its creeping in that I'm saying goodbye to my parents and wanting to live my life but before that I've got to grieve the one before. I don't know how, how does one grieve a blurry distant thirty...

yes I get this, when I get too close to "the truth"

I'm so torn up inside. Inner child wants to go out and be free to party and so many things that I don't know how to parent her through and I'm putting it on her being rebellious and selfish when in reality she does know what is good for her. I dont know how to trust and not be in control, I...

Had a good cry last night. I feel that my parents have utterly left me and the shame of being 30 six months away and I'm still trying to cope with teenage type decisions are hitting me hard. It occurs to me that I don't have a touch base..or rather I do but He's one of the main ones I keep away...

This resonates with me...I'm not sure what else to write as you put it so neatly.

So I think that as I am doing inner child work (writing between left and right hand) I may be experiencing different personalities instead? Whenever my "inner child" speaks its accompanied by intense feelings of time and reality distortions. I feel like the fabric of reality is like a lava lamp...

Have had a lot of realizations about my family, every time I read about someone going through emotional abuse, I know that I am thinking of my father. The pouting, the glaring, the tantrums at anyone trying to connect with him emotionally, the lot of it. And my mother, putting up with it all...

Had a bad 'floating' day. Inner critic will shout and battle over the smallest things, what colour of paint I use, how I use it, cant envision a life without being talented and recognised as talented. Thinking about how this PTSD has/will appear, its a slow burner. Thinking about the possibility...

Yes it does..I'm still looking for an art therapist to work with me because by myself I get frightened by it and shut down.

I was never really sure, I was in therapy for four years and in those four years I would paint the same thing again and again compulsively, but at the time in detachment so we could never get to the real reason. It would feel very real then completely not real. Most art therapists would say...

Im avoiding phoning the samaritans I'm not sure I can take their silences and asks for descriptions on how I feel. I dont know how I feel, thats why I'm smearing blood everywhere I want to leave a trail leading to a murder scene and then finally someone will take me seriously instead of looking...

At the moment I don't really have an external validation, my therapist has retired a month ago and I'm looking for a new one. I know that I had birth trauma and almost died, so a big part of my trauma was before I had language. I don't have the words to describe what happened, it seems this is...

Thanks for talking to me. Its nice to know that someone understands, because I dont! I was raised in a "Christian" household, but it brought me no comfort, only confusion why if I wanted to follow God's will was I feeling so bad. (I have no memories of direct abuse). The only explanation that I...