Recent content by Justin87

For me, punishing myself stabilized my emotions. It was a kind of reservoir where I dumped all my anger, anxiety, fear, rage, and pain. When I was in college I completely stopped all the behavior for around 5 years. But now I realize I just walled off the core to my being which had been so...

How have you experienced healing in helping with the self-abusive thoughts?

Thanks Intrepid, I guess “board” is my word. My parents used a ruler or dowel rod. I guess I was recreating that since I actually used a yard stick that I snapped in half to be more like a ruler. Along with a real 1x10 board I found in the garage. Ugh, it feels so messed up. And the reality that...

Hi Everybody, My wife and kids are out of town this week. I’m at our house alone. This past Saturday, I was feel very lonely. The neglect and abandonment in my story being severely triggered. I got drunk and beat myself up. I beat my ass with a board and did a whole bunch of other humiliating...

To clarify, I was diagnosed with PTSD by a Psychiatrist over a year ago.

As a child I grew up in a strict conservative Christian home. My parents believed that spanking and beating your children was a necessary and admirable quality in a Godly parent. A few years ago, my father made the offhand remark about our family that it was the kind of place where “it’s ok to...

It feel like I’m losing my grip on life…depending on when you ask me. One minute I feel good, moving forward, making progress. The next a collapsing avalanche of all the issues. Overwhelmed by all the stuff I’m not doing right or not doing enough for. Then back to hope. Things are tough but I’m...

Oh, I was also wondering about projecting your mom or dad onto your therapist. Does anyone else do that? My therapist is probably only 10ish years old than me so I don’t do that with him. However, I’ve wondered if I project myself in a similar way onto him. Thanks.

Does anyone get angry at their therapist or doubt their ability to handle their issues? I’ve constantly been plagued with the thought of “He can’t handle my sh*t.” I even had a dream about a session where my T had to stop and sent me home. We worked through a lot of those thoughts early on (I’ve...

Yeah I go to therapy every other Wednesday morning at 7, so I come in to work late that day. I told my boss I have a regular medical appointment. He hasn't asked any further questions.

Yes yes yes. You expressed this so well. Putting to words things that I have only felt. The kind of gnawing empty chase of a snake eating its own tail is this kind of search for affirmation. As a boy I remember my father saying to me that he could “never be proud of me because pride is a sin.”...

Wow. Thank you all for your comments. I was not expecting so many kind responses. It’s certainly good to feel understood and appreciated. It’s kind of hard to believe, really. I think I oftentimes expect/fear to be ignored in the things I say. Blessings, all.

Hi, I have been reading this forum for a few weeks, looking up various topics and it has been really helpful to read and see the support that people offer each other. I was diagnosed about a year ago. Since going on medication, the night terrors have stopped (thank God). I don’t really think...