Recent content by Rebel Girl

I have and do put my friends before me when I have thought they needed. I've made sacrifices without being asked to when I thought they were justified. These people can't fart out some basic human empathy, even the one who told me I saved her life. All people care about is that you don't have...

Every time I hurt their feels or embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable I feel awful and every time I'm left to feel unimportant I feel worse. I just find the guilt and shame that comes with every attempt to spend time with people too much. I feel so numb. Disabled Facebook. No point...

I vomit almost every day. Usually from coughing, but sometimes from panic attacks or pain. Haven't done one for each yet though. Oh yeah, and my meds. f*ck they make me feel awful. Vomit town USA.

My reoccurring nightmare was of school. I felt like the only way I could ease the pain of what I had been put through by my teachers was to try and be there for kids in the place of a shitty teacher. Now I have an emotional breakdown if I try to tutor one middle schooler twice a week in math.

Yep. All three trans students where emotionally f*cked by the end of the program coincidentally. Two graduated, one still has the emontial compacity to be a classroom teacher. In their cases the staff suppressed reporting the sexual harassment they were enduring during their student teaching. At...

I spent two years in a grad program working 90 hour weeks while my professors deliberately avoided any praise as a policy focused on me, gave me extra expectations and work, ignored every warning I gave them directly about my mental and physical fatigue, gave me shit and judgment for taking a...

I hate myself more than everyone else. It doesn't matter what I've done. I know what I and everyone else is capable of.

I don't have the energy to investigate the genuineness of others goodwill after so many false leads and the resulting horrific experiences. I doubt my misjudgment will even marginally harm anyone else.

Never got around to the most traumatic/recent events. https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/disclosing.50139/

You misunderstand. I believe every human being is a cut throat bastard that would drive me to suicide for their own amusement and then tell everyone what a tragedy it is. It isn't that humans are casually cruel and petty. They revel in it. Human misery is the cocaine party that keeps society...

Just lost 9 months worth of work on the only thing that give my life meaning or context at this point. I have no faith left in humanity and don't see myself ever being able to have a life worth living. All I see is an endless road of suffering that I can't understand why I have been burdened...

Just lost like 16 hours and I was awake for a lot of it. Didn't know pain could disrupt your sense of time.

Yep, have anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds. Had PTSD/panic attacks long before I developed chronic pain.

I'm very glad you came here and hope you get all the support you need. The most important thing is you are taking care of yourself.

Thanks for the hugs. It boarders on the bearable a lot of the time. I don't really feel it a lot of the time as I suppress the pain, but it generalizes to rather negative feelings when I do. The numbness is normal for a flare up. It's not being able to use a mouse that really sucks. Much easier...