Twinkle

Hi I'm completely new to forums. Not going to bore you with my history but landed up two weeks ago in what I can only describe as hell did not know what was going on until my gp diagnosed cptsd. It all makes sense now. I have buried so many traumas that they are all at the forefront of my brain now and my body is exhausted from all the fight/flight reactions that I have used on a daily basis. I think I dissociated about 5 years ago. I started a new full time job 7 weeks ago and it became so transparent to me that the stressors and triggers and the feelings of sheer panic every day were starting up what I now know as flashbacks. I'm so confused and scared because I want to be normal I want to go to work like my colleagues and not have all these awful thoughts and perceptions that something awful is going to happen. If I give up on my job I know I will just become a recluse it's so unfair. At present I'm just hiding at home and stuck in a nightmare of how to move forwards if I have a bit of a better day I do too much and it knocks me sideways. I used to cope so well( or did I?) Just want this to all go away now but I know it's going to be a long hard haul.