Recent content by willhealeventually

Reading other comments, I realized that zoning out is a key part to my flashbacks too. My kids have often gotten me out of a trance like state - “mom, are you listening?” Or “mom, are you ok?” In hindsight, I can feel how that has happened over the years but I didn’t know what it was. I’ve...

When I have flashbacks, they are visuals of body features zoomed in. I visibly flinch or talk to myself to reset. Usually these are triggered by some movie scene or something someone says. Or if someone resembles an abuser I had. I also have emotional flashbacks, triggered by events. My ptsd...

I finally heard back from the therapist and have an appointment set up. Thank you both!

I understand feeling like there is nothing to live for. I’ve battled it all my life. It’s incomprehensible to me how “the other side” lives - people who have no ptsd, no depression, no anxiety. On my best day, I feel that I have hidden these well. I tell myself that I live for my kids only. But...

I’m trying to remind myself to hover above that threshold of depression. It takes so much effort just to avoid sinking to what feels like a point of no return. I hate myself even though I try to act like I don’t. I hate that I can’t live up to my dream of being the calm, poised individual in all...

I think you are ahead of me in your healing process. Currently, I can only take a step back and reflect on what already happened. I do not have any control when triggered, nor the presence of mind to ask myself questions....

All true but I have no idea where to begin. Threat assessment is not happening in my brain where I can step back and examine it...if I feel threatened, I have right now 2 settings - freeze or fight. I have been able to choose the “freeze” setting more often, which at least keep me from the...

You are so right. I’m already feeling the benefits of a more relaxed morning. Even though I get up early, I’m just getting my kid ready - not rushing for a 40 min commute into a classroom of 30 kids flowing in every 45 min during the day. I find it odd that my job likes me because, despite a lot...

I have a 15 min commute and need to be at work by 8:30am. However, i need to have already gotten up at 6:45am, gotten my son ready for school, and dropped him off at school. I essentially get home and get ready for work after dropping him off...

That’s a good point. I’ve been trying to trace it back. I think I’m afraid that the extended contract + raise = something I’m going to screw up with the ptsd, and that I probably won’t be able to see it coming or be able to control it...

This sums it up... The holy grail of PTSD survivors. I have not found it yet, but it certainly helped to know why I would go Tiger. In my brain, any threat gets amplified because of my past. I call it going nuclear... I honestly hate this part of myself. It’s very difficult for me to accept that...

My son is having a friend over and they asked to get Burger King. I took them. My boy gently called me out when I was too intense during ordering... I snapped out of the aggressive mode, but was still feeling it. When I got home, I felt that familiar heart burn sensation and a panic attack. I...

I was feeling lonely and tried to date using online dating sites. After I figured out how to he selective and weed out people, I was still left with the fact that the people I met were people - had insecurities, fears, and were a turn off by playing mind games. I stepped back from all of that...

Thank you for your support. I don’t have any diagnosed personality disorder with my ptsd. But my ex loved to diagnose me. He also said I was borderline, but narcissist was his favorite. @Deanna can you tell me more about your approach to work? Why do you feel you work hard? For me, it was...

My therapist asked me to write a letter to my soon to be ex, which I wouldn’t actually send. We’ve been separated for 2 yrs and have barely communicated, occasionally texting about child logistics. During our separation, I was diagnosed with PTSD, but he doesn’t know. Nor does he care. I...