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That the due diligence… but be prepared to be “controlling/abusive” for pointing out the obvious. Stay calm, and don’t escalate or engage during that conversation if she gets confrontational. You won’t be able to defend yourself or make her see things any other way than what she’s already...

@Portlander all the hypervig is part of PTSD. That’s an actual symptom. I think what @MnM was saying is that in their experience, trying to manage a sufferer deep in conspiracy theory land isn’t a task that’s going to be productive. You’re not going to be able to “logic” them out of it. We...

My question is this… was it a boundary that was known? Was the PTSD to never be discussed and was that communicated? Because if you don’t set the boundary you can’t blame people for violating it. Discussing a marital problem and/or a mental health issue in a counseling session isn’t something...

OPs partner is diagnosed and in therapy from what he’s written. This is the first time she’s has been noticeably symptomatic and/or triggered, and she is reacting in the extreme. My partner has been pretty open about his traumas, but he has been triggered by innocent things I have done… like...

I get it. Only you can decide when you’re actually done-done wanting to be with her. It’s a heartbreaker, for sure. Divorce sucks, especially if you aren’t the one initiating it. And it sucks even more when you break up because of a mental health issue that seems like it’s hijacking your spouse.

Well the good news is that not everybody with trauma gets PTSD. Only a certain percentage of people get PTSD from a specific type of Trauma. Assuming somebody has PTSD is not a good idea. It is better to have them seek psychiatric help and get a diagnosis so they can get the proper treatment for...

There’s no way to know how long a triggered or symptomatic state will last, especially if this is her first one. With my partner I’ve seen a trigger last less than an hour and I’ve seen one last weeks. He’s been highly symptomatic for over a year before. PTSD is so individual, plus it’s...

You aren’t going to be able to make his life better. We as supporters cannot fix or help with our partners’ PTSD, which sucks, because we all would if we could. He has to get treatment and work on it himself. Has he gotten a diagnosis and had any kind of treatment?

Good for you. Stay strong and protect the kids. If she is triggered and feeling unsafe she is probably projecting “controlling/abusive” qualities onto you. She may see you as a threat. That does not give her a pass to keep your kids away though.

If she thinks you’re trying to control her then let her do her own thing and handle the repercussions that come with that. That does NOT apply to your kids though. Good idea getting that all managed now. The kids are the most important thing now. Is she still stable enough to care for the kids?

It’s a learning curve. Like you said, to people without PTSD it makes zero sense. There is no way that we will ever know what’s going on. The first time you see your partner triggered or very symptomatic is a shock. You think you know what PTSD, but you find out quickly that you had no idea WTF...

If she’s contacting attorneys, then I’d stop worrying about her and start protecting yourself. Legal/Financial actions trump worrying about her mental health issues. She’s an adult, and if she’s being self-destructive or impulsive than she will eventually face the consequences of her actions...

Yeah… that makes total sense 🙄 Honestly, this sounds like PTSD shit-talk. It sounds horrid, but when my partner talks nonsensical like this I take it with a grain of salt. When he stops talking and starts acting, then I’ll worry. Is this to say I invalidate things he says or do not believe...

Honestly, there is no telling how long it’s going to take. Everybody is different. You’ll start to notice your wife’s particular patterns over time, but she’ll deviate from those patterns too. It’s a learning curve.

Yep… trust. That’s another self-preservation thing. They’ve been traumatized by other people, and they’re waiting for you to traumatize them too. I’ve had mine “not trust me anymore” about 60 times. That seems to go along with the projection. It’d be different if I was maliciously betraying...

And that is also why most long term supporters have a boundary about their partner actively working on their PTSD. It’s one thing to act like this, but *want* to improve. It’s another to just be like this. I can forgive a lot if it’s a work in progress.

I would just let the storm blow itself out honestly. It’s all talk until she takes actual action. That’s another thing that sucks about being a supporter. We’re just along for the ride. We have no control, which sucks when you share a life. It’s your life too. We make the choice to stay or...

I know I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I have irritating habits and legitimate flaws, but I’m not a horrible person. Sometimes you to tell yourself that. Own up to your actual issues and work on them, but don’t be a doormat to assuage your partner’s PTSD. Being a martyr isn’t romantic or loving...

This is a big issue for supporters, and it will make you question your own sanity. A lot of times we’re the designated asshole in the relationship. We’re the target for lashing out. We have issues projected onto us. We get the blame for their dysregulation. We are the closest, easiest target...

@throwaway13 do not feel guilty for bringing up the problems in your marriage in marriage counseling. That is a 100% logical and appropriate response. Just because she reacts and blames does not mean that you were wrong. Marriage counseling is for you just as much as it’s for her. The world...

I tell mine that. If he doesn’t want to be with me then it’s not a relationship. It’s me sitting by myself being alone. I don’t want to be alone for months. I didn’t establish a time limit, but he knows I’m not going to wait around for him if he up and bails with no contact for an extended...

It doesn’t matter if it’s PTSD or a bad temper. That behavior towards kids is not OK. It’s not going to be “corrected” by your teenage daughter. It needs to be corrected by you honestly. I’ve been with my sufferer for 10 years, and I have 2 children from a previous relationship who are young...