Search results

I think there is some confusion as to what a boundary actually is, and why they’re so important in PTSD relationships. A boundary is not meant to control other people. You cannot control anybody but yourself. A boundary is an expression of your limits. People can choose to respect your...

That’s probably the healthiest thing you can do.

what is important for *supporters* to understand is that they are not responsible in any way shape or form if their partner is being triggered. It’s not something they need to feel guilty about, especially if they are already the designated asshole in their own home. @southwest if she was not...

They’re not triggering… she is being triggered. It’s important to make that distinction. Unless somebody knows what triggers their partner, and they are intentionally doing that thing in a malicious manner to cause a purposeful reaction they are not triggering anybody. The ultimate...

Don’t let that thought become an excuse for every kind of behavior. If they’re being clingy, distant, needy, demanding, not seeing everything you have done for them, etc, then you are still allowed to be mad or irritated with them for not treating you right. Yes, even if they have PTSD.

I’m sorry you are going through this. It makes you feel helpless, devastated and alone when they cut and run. Sometimes all you can do is gut it out and see if he means it or if he’s talking out the side of his face because he’s symptomatic and stressed. Prepare for the worst and hope for the...

You don’t have to stay friends with somebody just because they ask. A friend doesn’t make you feel pain.

Never anything legitimate. That is the kind of stuff that people like to write and read to make themselves feel better. Legitimate sources would never say PTSD can be loved away. Look at the source that makes the claim.

^^^ In fairytales. You cannot cure mental illness with love. That’s like curing diabetes with love. There’s a whole lot of reality in the situation and not a lot of romance once the rose colored glasses come off. I probably sound like a downer, but accepting the fact that your partner is...

I wouldn’t count on anything being permanent with PTSD. It’s very cyclical, and things could just as easily get ten times worse. You cannot bank on continuing improvement. That is a common supporter fantasy… the partner being “cured” or getting better. I think we all have that fantasy at some...

This is the supporter section, dedicated to supporter discussion and peer support. Welcome.

Just like you misinterpreted @Friday’s post. I didn’t see any hostility there. I saw her make a point that maybe you did not want to hear. Have you read the PTSD cup explanation? If not, it is well worth the read. It makes it easy to visualize how a broken stress response works...

I don’t have any pithy advice. I can only tell you I know how this feels, how bad it sucks, and how lonely and stressful it is. Don’t forget to take care of yourself when you’re taking care of everybody else. You have to keep yourself going.

@Brumbyinthesunshine may I suggest you stop looking at isolation as a malicious act. One thing a supporter has to accept is that at any given time their partner may become to ill to function in a relationship.

MOD NOTE Sufferers, this is not the place to dogpile supporters trying to learn or find some support. If posts in the supporter section offend, trigger, stress, bother, or otherwise vex you, please scroll past. The rest of the forum caters to supporting the sufferers.

@Sideways is making a point that communication is not that easy if somebody is in freeze/flight mode. Sometimes they just shut down. If they can’t handle their own emotions how can they be expected to handle somebody else’s? Which is basically what is happening if people expect communication at...

That is so hard for a lot of supporters to accept. Good for you. Not only good for you, good for your kids too. You’re doing the right thing.

I think it’s a good idea. This shit is not for the faint of heart.

The first thing is to make sure you and the kiddo are safe and secure if he is unstable and erratic. Maybe he doesn’t need access to the finances if he is spending them on adderall. Maybe you and baby need to go stay elsewhere if he is punching walls and cars. Yes, he is unwell, but he is an...

And this is one of the major problems for PTSD relationships. Her stating how she felt shouldn’t be considered nuking one out of the universe. This is one of those situations where a mountain was made out of a molehill in PTSD-land. If she hurt his feelings by saying she felt used for sex, he...

Not all PTSD is a result of childhood trauma. He is making the chose to abuse substances instead of addressing his mental health. From a supporter perspective it is important not to consistently excuse shit behavior because XYZ. There are choices at play. Abusing substances is a coping...

That’s when he would lose access to my income. He doesn’t get to burn the place down around everybody’s heads. Get a separate bank account to deposit your money and pay the bills. He lost access to big-boy decisions if he is being an ass. He is also a grown ass adult. Actions and behaviors...

The hardest part of being a supporter is accepting you are powerless to help or fix. You cannot save his life if he doesn’t want it to be saved. You cannot make him get treatment, comply with treatment plans, or take his medication. You cannot love him better. You cannot stop him from being self...

Is blood thicker than water when it comes to my kid being abused? Hell no. Anybody who indulged or tolerated any kind of abuse of my child could go straight to hell and would never see nor hear from us ever again. They’d be lucky if the cops got there before I did. And if my husband gave me...

Coming from a supporter… You cannot be responsible for another adult’s mental health or substance abuse. Take the car keys and go to bed. When she is sober inform her you need to sleep to work and you can no longer cater to her drinking at night. If she plans on drinking she needs to be...