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Yes. When he's gone, he's gone. He's not someone who always has his phone on him anyway, so sometimes it takes a little while to realize he's not getting back to me. So if I call him one day and don't reach him, I wait and try again the next day, and then when it's two days in a row I'm like...

Hi, and welcome! Finding this forum has been a lifeline for me: hope it helps for you too. My partner disappears when he's overwhelmed - we've had some long breaks but keep finding each other again because he is the pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me. Some days I deal with...

Thanks for checking in! Thank goodness for this community. Things have been volatile, but overall better: I'm continuing to grow and get better with uncertainty. Hope you're doing well too: as you say there's a lot of chaos in the world right now.

So as an update, we did "talk" again yesterday. I asked if we could talk, and if we could do it in person and he immediately agreed and made time for me. When he came over, he was quite shut down again, so the talk was pretty much all me, but I told him that it was him that was important to me...

He messaged me today to ask if I am ok. We are going to need to talk more, but I didn't feel able yet to do that, or to answer that question when the answer is so clearly "no".

thank you for your kind and thoughtful gesture: it means a lot

He's been in a pretty bad place for the last couple of months. He's been disappearing a lot. Yesterday we talked. He told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he knows that the way he has been treating me is not fair on me. He can't handle any responsibility right...

Ha! So yes, 10 days ago I was all like "yeah I can do this" and now..... I've been up since 4am and everything feels like too much. He's still in a pretty bad place as far as I can tell. He managed to send me a "Merry Christmas", but that's all the contact we've had since that 15 minutes about...

An update: he reached out today after only a week, which is a relief. He's still dissociated and also fighting flu which is a truly horrible combination. I was able to cuddle with him for maybe 15 minutes and then he apologized and said he needed to be alone, but that 15 minutes made all the...

Just back to let out a little of the pressure. I was fighting flu all weekend so that was good as I was too tired to feel much and yesterday was a very busy work day, but also yesterday I got some really really really great news, and he was the first person I wanted to share with. My son got the...

We did discuss this and he agreed to it in principle, but in practice once the disassociation descends, he doesn't seem able to do it We pretty much have an unofficial system, which seems to work as much as anything does. I will call him once a day for the first couple of days. He doesn't...

I saw your thread. It's brutal. What I realized, (and it only makes it very slightly better) is that there is really nothing to be done while they are gone except to take care of yourself. Finding this forum was my biggest step towards that. Sometimes I find it helpful just going back over some...

He's gone again, as of Wednesday - so it's only been a couple of days. Coming here helps because it reminds me of all the things I know about why this happens and it helps to be around other people dealing with the same. It's always hard because it always happens without warning, which again is...

Thank you for this, it made me smile. He makes me a better person in so many ways. He's inspired me and empowered me and supported me, and I agree that there is always a point in any relationship where you kind of hit a wall, however much you love that person, and there are some things that...

Of course it is unhealthy! And no the year long was once, and it was brutal and the more trust has built since then. Hence the... I think he has some sort of undiagnosed trauma issues, and undiagnosed and / or undealt with leads to some unhealthy dynamics. If things were 100% healthy I wouldn't...

When I say that maybe I freeze up, it's like a seizing up inside: when I say he freezes - he literally turns into a statue. He stops moving, he closes his eyes and he stops speaking - like a possum. Sometimes eventually he says a few words, or sometimes he just asks "can I go now" and leaves. So...

I'm beginning to realize that it's probably a valid point that I do get overwhelmed and need time to process. I'm finding the same thing happening with clients at work - that I often have a much better answer when I've had time to think about it

I freeze up and panic that I'm going to be abandoned and then think about all the things I could have said, or should have said, later when I'm alone. Thus proving that the "supporter" side of the relationship can be just as messed up :-/ Agreed, when put like that. When things get too much he...

I would hope so? It's taken a LONG time for him to open up, but recently we've been having some more meaningful conversations around how he is feeling. On the other hand, at the same time, over the last year or so there's been a lot of comments like "if I hadn't bought a house" or "if I didn't...

Ugh. So..... we had a conversation about it today. In some ways he took it better than I thought he would in that he didn't deny the symptoms or even necessarily the conclusion that they are likely to be trauma related. But he basically said that everyone has their problems and he just has to...

That absolutely makes sense, and thank you for your input.

He had a difficult childhood where he was essentially abandoned at a pretty young age and left to fend for himself. He has problems with memory and concentration. When things are bad he has said that he doesn't feel anything emotionally. He is hypervigilant - it seems like he is always on alert...

(I waffle a bit, so paragraph 3 is kind of the pertinent one) Hi everyone, it's been a while.... I think I last posted last August when my partner was very stressed and we had a fight about something technically very minor and he didn't speak to me for a month. Since then we've been doing...

Thank you for sharing that, and I'm so sorry you had to go through it. I don't know all the details of what my partner went through as a child. Sometimes he shares bits and pieces but I try to stay neutral so he can take it at his own pace. I do think it's a response to something, and maybe...

I think that would be great. I'm not sure yet how to get there but I hope we can. I wish the best to both of you. I feel like all anyone can hope for is a partner who is willing to put the work in. To me, these days, that is the most romantic thing in the world. Being fully vulnerable with...