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  1. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I MIGHT be in the will to inherit my mom's house. She lost her house because of my father using the balloon payment on the mortgage to instead buy drugs/alcohol, and obviously my mom couldn't come up with more money to pay it, so the house was foreclosed. My dad's stepmother, my late grandma...
  2. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I haven't heard from section 8 nor the landlord. My voucher expires on the 4th, so that's. Not great. :( It's frustrating because I was more than ready in January of last year, even began touring homes before they gave me the voucher, but everything went wrong that could go wrong. That, and...
  3. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    In my email to them I said I am desperate for safe housing. And explained how horrible this year has been, but with wording that didn't specifically say that phrase. Very frustrating. What an awful year and decade this has been. I swear to G-d I was luckier as a child. I feel like a useless...
  4. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    This is the best description of the current stressor
  5. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Things are still not going well :(
  6. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    I socialized with my siblings and then went to my best friend's house to hang out and stop being too absorbed in the intense emotional destabilization. It's kind of embarrassing to say that was enough to help. I'm worried about going home alone again after that but hopefully some rest will help...
  7. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Oh, I forgot about that :0 that was really fun, hahaha :)
  8. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    Thank you all
  9. littleoc

    How are you coping with Epstein news? (not a debate thread)

    That's true, you're right. I'm not sure why I said that part
  10. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    I'm okay, sorry for the outburst
  11. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    I apologize for being so dramatic.
  12. littleoc

    How are you coping with Epstein news? (not a debate thread)

    I'm deeply worried the president has seen me being raped, through video. Worried the videos and pictures are more likely to get out. Not to make this about myself. I don't know why I'm worried about this, because in reality it doesn't change anything So I guess I just mean it makes me sad on a...
  13. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I wish I never existed. Damned if I end it, damned if I don't.
  14. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    Thank you. I wish you hadn't said that, though. I've already decided that I don't want to survive this. I stopped being a slave and got free will and f*cked up so much. Miss my service dog. Gonna stay around for animals as long as they need me, but after that, I have my method and I'm years...
  15. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    I don't have anything good to say. Left an awful rant in my trauma diary. Was going to quote it and drop it here but honestly I don't think I ought to. I shouldn't have posted this. I'm sorry.
  16. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I sound like a broken record. It's just the same thing month after month after month. Any bit of support I can get just vanishes. The more disabled I get the more inconvenient I am to everyone. All I do is sleep and when I feel myself waking up I become so sad. I don't want to be awake ever...
  17. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Haven't had a meal in three days. No food is appetizing and I'm out of pretty much everything again. I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this.
  18. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I couldn't get out of bed, but managed to. And it happened at yet another clinic. I could hear the manager in the back yelling. Employee came out and said I'm not allowed to make any more appointments because I keep being late or having to cancel. Didn't bother explaining the narcolepsy or brain...
  19. littleoc

    just posting I guess

    Im not even sure what to put here or why I'm making a post. I usually delete these. I guess I have to cope for while I'm trapped here. But I don't want to live. I never have. I've been in therapy for ⅔rds of my life, since I was a child. I'm tired. I'm tired of being angry and sobbing all the...
  20. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Thank you for hug 🫂 Sorry you're low on words. I gave my mom extra space hoping she would recognize newer boundaries. I think she was trying. But I wish I hadn't done it now. It hurts too much to think about it now I think I already went through this. I think this is something new...
  21. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Coming off a med that was f*cking me up and making me more delusional with my most common delauion (that everything is my fault and I need to be held to a higher standard than anyone else on earth) Hard to say that but yeah, best friend made me talk about it and tried to tell me for hours...
  22. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Maybe if that one therapist office hadn't dropped me as a client the second I got out of the hospital that one time, I'd have actually dealt with the stress of living with my mother and noticed in time that I was being idiotic :/ But that's been the theme ever since the sleeping problems...
  23. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Since it came up tho. I keep forgetting because it's not relevant anymore, but at least I'm not with my ex during all this. I would have felt a thousand times worse I do keep worrying that she cursed me somehow but I guess that's how evil of a spirit she was towards me. I hope she's better...
  24. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I keep finding myself looking for Nestle. I miss her so much
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