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Ronzoni, Desperation had much more to do with posting on this forum than bravery and the ladies have far more courage than me. I'm sorry to hear our wives are in the same shoes and us by default. I'm in counseling as well and have been for almost 3 months even though it seems like much...

I know it has been a while but I thought I'd give an update. For starters it feels like there is a distortion of time. It's only been 2 1/2 months but it feels more like 6 months. I just reread the whole thread to see if I picked up anything I didn't really get the first go around. There...

This triggers a host of emotions in me. For one I understand where your boyfriend is coming from. What I don't get is why he invaded your privacy. I say this having taken information my wife gave me about her rapist and doing my own investigative work in the sleepless hours that followed for...

I find comparisons like this very helpful. I try to be empathetic but I can't think like a woman much less a woman who has been through a trauma I never have. I came here to feel better and part of that was to get an understanding of how the other side thinks and feels. If sex was off of the...

I could see it being offensive but the part I don't get are the ones who say yes who are looking for a relationship. All they get is a bona fide cheater. I try to keep my life simple which excludes cheating on my wife or any girlfriend I've ever had. My moral compass is simple as well and is...

I checked mine out on Facebook for several reasons. I wanted to recognize her when we met. I also didn't want to have a bunch of mutual friends. It's pretty much a one way street as far as information flow so I wanted to know as much as I could before I went in. I told her I had checked her...

The most disappointing aspect of my first meeting with my therapist was going in the first time with assurances of confidentiality (verbal) and walking out to a form I had to sign saying if I was a threat to myself or anyone else I could be reported to law enforcement. It was a new girl working...

@scout86 and desiderata310, I third the ambien warning. I took my 9th one Monday around 9 pm. The last thing I remember was my wife asking me if I was up for anything and me saying yes. From the time she washed her face and brushed her teeth I thought I had passed out when I woke up the...

@camabelu, I'm supposed to be doing EMDR therapy. I just googled it and really don't know anything about it. I had to google self effacing as well. Thanks. I take that as a compliment. I do not see myself as exceptional at all. I do think I am exceptionally different than most. I'm...

@camabelu I'm not opposed to therapy it is just slow, tedious and expensive. I'm going to keep going and start at the beginning with my life history and why I did what I did at various stages in my life that led to where I am today. I really do feel like I am way past doing anything...

I think you met a unicorn.

Vitrea, I am truly sorry. My feelings ebb and flo. You were the only one who seemed to be on my side and I am going to explain myself below. You are right on the money. I couldn't have explained how I feel better. There are a couple of things I have not disclosed. The first is...

Is the need for lubrication a result of the rape and is the dislike of oral sex also a result of the rape? I don't know. I've done so poorly handling details at this point I'm not about to ask. I'm going to keep going to the therapist. Lately I've been spending a lot more time thinking...

I've got another thread posted about my wife's rape. When I found the site I didn't roam around. I just got straight to the point and started my own thread with my own issues. It's been a great help and I figured I needed a separate thread to cover the topic. All I know is my own experience...

Do you have children? If not I would drop him. Life's too short to spend it with an asshole. I know some great girls that married them and I never got why. I agree with Wildmermaid that nobody is perfect. I told my wife on the front end that I was a package deal but it has worked out well.

Joeylittle, Thanks for the clarification. You did not imply I should leave the forum. I just noticed you were a premium member as well as staff member and did not know how my reaction would be taken. I should have known better. I don't know what to make of therapy so far. There...

Joeylittle, I have laid myself out here and taken constructive criticism as well as judgmental barbs. I read this on the way into my therapy appointment. There are ways we handle traumatic experience that don't come through in the written word especially through a judgmental lens. I...

Vitrea, I am not afraid to speak to my wife about my needs or take care of them myself for that matter. I would not describe our sex life as good. It is more on the phenomenal side of things. Actually I'm speaking for myself here. She says she is happy with it but I personally think...

Thanks for all of the responses. I'm getting so many it's hard to keep up. I am not giving myself as much credit here. I am looking at myself the way I have for selfish reasons. I want sleep, the rage to stop and to keep my wife. Sometimes weaknesses can be strengths. I knew when the...

Thanks on the ambien warning. The doctor just gave me 10. It was obvious by his response I wasn't the only one who has seen him for that reason. He made it painless and told me to cut the caffeine intake and sent me on my way. Coming here is not a betrayal. It's been the best thing Ive...

Done If I had to name my autobiography it would be "Me and My Dumbass". This was a case in point. I drove her 2 1/2 hours to a specialist who had a fellowship in mammography who was also one of my best friend's wife. Because of that she let me in the room to watch the procedure...

Lewa, There was nothing brave about coming here. I didn't know if I was posting in the right section much less what I would get. When you can't sleep and have nowhere else to go because you have boxed yourself in a corner I can't really claim much courage or bravery. The amount of...

Looks like ambien is good for 5 hours. I've read and reread each of your posts multiple times. I have been in a daze for I think 9-10 days. They are running together. I am fully aware I made mistakes. I look back at the night I asked for the details and think what was my dumb ass thinking...

I'm going to take your advice. This has been the best thing to happen to me all week. I've already taken an ambien my neighbor gave me and am going to get some rest. I needed this collective no holds barred perspective of my actions but I have had no where to go. This is not what I expected...

I've been married for close to 15 years. Prior to getting married we made disclosures about each others past that we thought were pertinent. One my wife made was that she was date raped. The subject was obviously very stressful to her and I did not inquire further. The bottom line was it did...