Search results

I have now been in weekly Therapy sessions for about 12 weeks. I am lucky in that I found an amazing therapist who specializes in CSA and I can absolutely say she has picked me up off the floor and allowed me to function. I am still dealing with some of the old demons like blaming myself for my...

NotTooLate: I totally understand where you are at the moment but with help and support it will be better. I started weekly appts with a T about 10 weeks ago and have jsut started to arrive at the point that I am ready to stop blaming myself for my CSA at 10. It may seem impossible but you can...

My issue is the opposite, the person I see in the photos seems happy, healthy and normal but that is not how I see myself, when I look in the eyes of the person in the photo, it is not me

I certainly understand that looking at images of when I was a kid might seem foreign but I am 61yo and I am having this issue on images from 5-10 years ago?

My T felt it would be good for me to go through photos to see if that helps my memories. I have literally about 10,000 photos from our travels and other events over the last 20 years. I have told my T that I have a hard time looking at them because even though the photos's are of happy times...

Well, I asked. Like mentioned above I expected a very long winding response ending in what do you think is wrong? She surprised me and gave me a very detailed and direct answer, much appreciated. So basically her answer is I am suffering from PTSD and severe disassociation. The cause is what...

I have my appt today and I am planning on asking my T, what is wrong with me or better yet what is your diagnosis. First, is this something you can ask a T? I am looking for suggestions or recommendations on how to do or phrase this?

I do not think I have come to a decision yet on that. It is disturbing and leaves me with a lot of misunderstanding about my childhood that I need to sort out

If you had asked me before I started therapy about my parents my answer would have been all positive. No one is perfect and I always viewed my upbringing and childhood as normal and happy. The revelation that I had built a fantasy in my head is disturbing. My parents both loved me and the CSA...

So as my T starts to help me build a timeline and relive various memories from my youth covering from abut 10 when I was first abused through my HS years some disturbing things are rising to the surface. Let me first say that I deeply loved bth my parents. They (both passed) were good people...

I understand this but I have felt throughout my life that it was up to me and me alone to protect myself

Good question. Throughout my life I have been very self sufficient not wanting to ask for help. At the same time I am always trying to fix things for others whether family or work. I address any comment of a problem with trying to fix it Through Therapy I am beginning to understand this...

Everyone on this site has suffered horribly in one way or another and I have nothing but well wishes and piece of mind for all. Unfortunately I hav no way of applying that to myself. Please remember that I disassociated for 45 years and lived my life with expectations for myself that may be...

No, not the molestation that was done by a horrible human being but not protecting myself by never telling anyone was my decision and mine alone This is one of my core issues, how do you balance the need to be responsible for your own actions with the abuse and what followed with what part of...

I know this sounds twisted but I believe I can not show compassion for myself as a child because it in some way excuses my part and shifts the responsibility off of my shoulders which I am struggling with. So much of my behavior, wether as a child being molested, a teenager blowing off school...

Hard work is something that has never bothered me but it is really scary. Deep down I feel that if I truly connect to all my feelings and allow myself to feel grief I will start crying and it will never, never stop.

Intellectually I totally understand this but emotionally I have higher expectations for myself and have held myself to my entire life which in my mind makes me responsible? I have to learn how to do this

I am trying, it is hard. After 45 + years of disassociation facing all head on is a challenge. How do I rewire what I have felt for 5 decades without taking away the good parts? How do I stop judging my actions or better put, inactions at 10 through my 61 yo eyes?

I am guessing you are on to something. At the time this happened there was a lot going on in my family including my mother trying to commit suicide and then my parents not happy with each other that led to a divorce a couple of years later. So yes lots of things a young boy might want to escape...

Not having had a lot of contact with Therapy (6 months 5 years ago & now) but am finding this statement quite true, I am realizing that many things that I looked at as normal are not. When you are a kid whatever is your life is your normal, nothing else to compare it with. I grew up always...

I appreciate this and inside I know you are correct. My T keeps saying this but I guess in my mind I always circulate back to it being my fault for not saying anything about the abuse and letting it go on for 2 years which led to much of what followed. Some days I wake up and wish I had never...

This is a feeling that I recognize now but not at the time. I wish that someone in my life would have helped straighten me out (I did that myself by the time I was 20) but unfortunately all this leads back to my original mistake, never telling anyone I was molested, that falls 100% on me! For...

No not neglected in a classic sense. I always had a roof over my head and food to eat but I suspect circumstances intervened and it just unintentionally happened

For some that is an amazing feat and the fulfillment of life long dream which I applaud. I only wish my issue could be resolved by that. My distress is over what trajectory that has had on my life. At this stage a degree would make no difference in that. If I had the credentials I would have...

I am trying. I began with my new T very focused on the original CSA but she has worked with me to try and rebuild some memories and a timeline. What became obvious pretty quickly is that my original trauma was the CSA but was compounded by years of instability and quasi abandonment, not for mean...