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Hi @Junebug , My worry is only about him being capable. The desire is there in both of us. We made that clear early on. I would not invest my feelings into someone who does not share my same values, dreams and hopes. He is my soulmate. :inlove: I would not be here seeking to support him...

Dear @Junebug , your words are very wise and they really help. I am trying to do exactly that (work on kindness and on keeping myself healthy).:) More than 'feeling bad', I feel that I am not getting much from the relationship. At age 35, when I'd like to think of a family, I really question...

Thank you @Junebug ...I will give it time, of course. And, at the end of the day, a spirit that means well (mine, in this case) is always in a holy place and protected, regardless of the doing of others. Sometimes an innocent spirit can even convert those souls that have taken less than ethical...

There is indeed something really strange about his behaviour...but I really can't explain why all the pieces of experience I have with him amount to believing that he is just scared to get close...perhaps I should also explain that when I have my PMT, I become very distrustful of the man I am...

I really cannot believe it's all a lie...on the few occasions that he slept with me, he had terrible spasms through the night. He was shacking so bad he woke me up and eventually woke himself up. So he is certainly hunted by trauma. The physical signs are there...

@Junebug , I am not sure I get what you are saying...but now I am starting to feel sick with this idea that he may not be honest with me...I am really no longer sure...it is killing me now...

@Junebug , it may well be possible... He never said he has PTSD, by the way. That is my own diagnosis but it could be wrong... I really am not excluding that possibility. I guess it will become clear over time. He never excuses himself because of the issues. He just hides away and then, when he...

I'm glad to hear it, Pencil. :-)

@Pencil , gosh...that must have been horrendous to go through and I cannot begin to imagine how you must have felt afterwards. The idea that we cannot trust our own intuition and judgement is horrendous, because it means that we cannot trust ourselves. I send you a gentle hug. I hope you are...

@Pencil , also, he is not that regular. You asked me how often he goes to his Mum's and I said about once a month...but that is an average, it is not that regular. His behaviour is also not that predictable, although I have detected that he gets worse when under pressure. The very reason I am...

@Pencil , I am not saying I exclude the possibility that he is doing that. Time will tell. Meanwhile, I am not having him here in my home until he invites me to his place. After all, that is what he said last time, that he should invite me to his place and that it is not fair that he comes...

@NovemberStar , I fully agree with what you said in terms of his need to get better first and heal and then we can be together properly. He said that the girl he was with before me was the only one he had since losing his fiance', so he is not going from person to person as such. He had her...

@Pencil , I am really not surprised you say that. All the signs would lead to think that (including the fact that he texts rather than phone, most of the time). All my friends said the same at first and I challenged him on that very early on. When I brought it up, he got really sad and his face...

@Tanishq , he did explain very well why...he knows he carries a deep amount of unhealthy guilt as well. He feels responsible for the fact that his fiance' of many year ago died in the car crash that he survived (plus the issues from his childhood). He has had a disproportionate amount of...

Hi @Pencil , I have known him 6 months exactly today. Got together with him four and a half months ago. It all happened in a flash, love at first sight, you may say (never happened to me before and neither to him, according to what he says). I asked him why I haven't been to his place and he...

@Junebug , he is slowly slowly opening up to me. Very slowly, though. That is what gives me hope. For example, I have not been invited to his place yet but last time we spoke he said that it would be his turn to cook (meaning to cook for me at his place. Normally I cook for him at my place). So...

@Junebug - If you don't mind me asking, why you do not 'do' receiving gifts very well? Would you be willing to share how receiving gifts feels for you? That would help me a lot. He said that he feels deeply unworthy of gifts. They remind him of his childhood, when his father would go on and on...

Junebug, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. But it is a catch 22, isn't it? The more he is afraid of showing his colours to me, the more my unconditional acceptance will lead him to hide more rather than less. I don't know how to break that cycle...how I can get him to relax to the point that...

Tanishq, I told him that I have already accepted him implicitly, that I want to share the good and the bad with him. He told me that he would try to let me in but that it is not in his nature. However, I am also afraid of being vulnerable and I lost my patience with him last month and I said...

Tanishq, he tells me that he needs space, that he wants to lock himself away, be alone, that he cannot cope with being with people. He is comfortable being with his mother and often goes to visit her (she lives about 3h drive from here). She lives in the countryside and he likes being there, it...

@scout86 , I see what you mean...I guess if he did not treat me well (when he is well), I would not bother with him at all. What keeps me in this relationship is that he is very kind, attentive and loving when he is fine. When he is not well, he just hides away and does not let me see him, which...

@Jezanna Do you mind me asking if it got better with your husband after a while? I did ask him and I ask him every time I am insecure. He says his feelings are the same, they haven't changed. But, again, can I trust what he says? Thank you so much.

I am going crazy today, trying to understand whether I can believe what my PTSD boyfriend tells me about his romantic love for me. When we first met, he was in a relationship with a girl that he described as 'very kind, but more of a friend' as far as he was concerned. He said 'something is...

@pamcoco ...your words get under my skin... Is society right in saying that we are strong and that our willpower can conquer it all? the answer is neither yes or no, I guess...the answer is probably 'it depends on who, when, why, how". I was educating myself to the psycho-neurology of trauma...

@Nicolette I noticed after I had posted this. She may come back at some point. Hopefully her absence means she is doing fine and does not need the forum. :)