General Is He Doing The Same With Me As He Did With Her?

[Lidia]

@Junebug , I am not sure I get what you are saying...but now I am starting to feel sick with this idea that he may not be honest with me...I am really no longer sure...it is killing me now...

 

[Pencil]

I'm sorry Lidia.

 

[Lidia]

I really cannot believe it's all a lie...on the few occasions that he slept with me, he had terrible spasms through the night. He was shacking so bad he woke me up and eventually woke himself up. So he is certainly hunted by trauma. The physical signs are there...

 

[Tinyflame]

@Lidia ,I don't say it's a lie, nor that any of it is. And different things can have different explanations. It's important to be aware, but also not to let others plant a seed of doubt where it is unfounded.

I believe @scout86 said it best, you have to determine it yourself & between yourselves. Things can appear very different to others from the outside, +/or without complete information.

 

[Lidia]

There is indeed something really strange about his behaviour...but I really can't explain why all the pieces of experience I have with him amount to believing that he is just scared to get close...perhaps I should also explain that when I have my PMT, I become very distrustful of the man I am with, I start seeing him as an enemy. So the very fact that I posted this during my difficult days means that the doubt may all be in my head...

 

[Tinyflame]

Then give it time/ experiences @Lidia . Please be kindest to yourself. :hug: :hug: ( <- That's not a typo. :) )

 

[Lidia]

Thank you @Junebug ...I will give it time, of course. And, at the end of the day, a spirit that means well (mine, in this case) is always in a holy place and protected, regardless of the doing of others. Sometimes an innocent spirit can even convert those souls that have taken less than ethical paths...Thank you for the 'non-typo' :-)

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Lidia , that's a neat perspective too. But I am also aware, somewhere it says in the Bible about ~"they abused Him to see if He really was as gentle as He seemed to be". But amazing things can happen too.

Do not feel badly if the relationship is too much. Work on kindness & healing yourself as well.

Trust is difficult. And ptsd is difficult.

:hug: :hug: ( :) )

 

[Lidia]

Dear @Junebug , your words are very wise and they really help.

I am trying to do exactly that (work on kindness and on keeping myself healthy).:)

More than 'feeling bad', I feel that I am not getting much from the relationship. At age 35, when I'd like to think of a family, I really question whether I should stay in a relationship that may never give me that. :unsure:

Aside from that, I am in a place in life where I can take the difficulties associated with both, trust and PTSD.

Here is a hugh for you. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for your being there for me these past few days. :hug:

 

[Pencil]

More than 'feeling bad', I feel that I am not getting much from the relationship. At age 35, when I'd like to think of a family, I really question whether I should stay in a relationship that may never give me that. :unsure:

I'm sorry I contributed to you feeling bad. I think we need to know if people are prepared to 'lose' us. Those who are not afraid to lose us, should go, those who are should be treated with care and respect. I simply think that it is time for you to find out if he is willing to lose you over not inviting you to his house and keeping his time and space Lidia-free. Perhaps I am totally wrong about you being the 'other woman', but you can't argue with me that you are in the 'other woman' position, even if the 'wife' is PTSD (which I truly doubt).

A friend of mine started working at a new company. One of the men asked her out on a lunch date - and instead of taking her out to lunch, took her on an elaborately planned and executed picnic. The problem was that he was a smoker, something she detested, and she told him she could never consider a relationship with him, as she could never kiss a smoker. The next morning he presented himself for a kiss - he had quit smoking. They got married eventually, and he never smoked again - 15 years later. Susan was THAT important to him.

I just keep asking myself how important you are to him. He is clearly important to you.

I'm probably making it worse, but I assume you wanted objectivity. I think you deserve much more than this.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Lidia , you are welcome. :hug:

To be honest, I think if having children is very important to you then you should seek that out with a partner who is both capable & desirous of that. It's similarities in the big things that count, irregardless of ptsd.

 

[Lidia]

Hi @Junebug ,

My worry is only about him being capable. The desire is there in both of us. We made that clear early on. I would not invest my feelings into someone who does not share my same values, dreams and hopes. He is my soulmate. :inlove: I would not be here seeking to support him, otherwise! :)