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I totally understand this. It is terrifying to not fully know what is in the box. I too have an amazing therapist who I learnt to trust, and I have had to learn that every time I think I am done and I think there is nothing left to look at - something else can crop up. The good news is that...

Since I was a kid, I have woken in the night in a half wake/half sleep kind of limbo. It feels like it mainly happens not long after I have gone to sleep - 30-40 minutes after dropping off. It's pretty horrible and frightening. I know where I am and conscious of noises around me - my husband...

That's the best description of it 'silent/blank'. It's an eerily quiet few moments for sure. Also, you are not silly at all for taking time to process it- I have vivid memories of this happening when I was about 10 years old in school - and only figured it out when I was 45!

I can relate. Although my nightmares rarely have visuals - just an intense feelings of terror that wakes me up with a jolt and continue after I wake up. I have a strange 'waking nightmares' that I have to pull myself out of, they are terrifying but now I understand them I can deal with them...

I have 3 tattoos all related to achievements, important people and things I like. I too am in the process of reclaiming my body, and I think that my tattoos are in fact the way that I have done that in the past without really realising that I was doing it. My first two tattoos I had where I...

Years! At first I didn't trust his assessment that I had experienced trauma, then I didn't trust his diagnosis of PTSD, then I didn't trust that he wasn't just telling me this to keep a client (he's an excellent therapist with a waiting list .... I logically know this doesn't make sense!) Then...

I hear you @8swallows, it's the constant rollercoaster that makes it so exhausting, isn't it? Pulling yourself back up is so tiring.

Thank you so much for this Arfie, wise words and much needed. Thanks for 'listening!'

Our situations sound pretty similar. I was on a never ending quest to find peace and a sense of calm which I couldn't find with my family around. I can relate to the tiredness and exhaustion navigating family life. I don't talk to my family much at all. I have no contact with my parents and my...

This is a bit of a rant that I just needed to put this out into the world. I am at the point of my recovery where I have some good weeks and the time between 'episodes' and symptoms is getting a little longer. But I am also at the point where I am realising that the shit part - the...

I appreciate this thread so much. For me, I remember not believing for a really long time. My T would use the word and I would shake my head, wrinkle my nose and tell him all the reasons he was wrong. Everyone's family is like this, surely? It was when I started to talking to trusted people...

I have been 2 years estranged from my sibling (but about 15 years on and off) and just a little over a year with my parents. I too have been through therapy and at some point it was put into recovery terms for me. I take very careful care of my sobriety and have for 5 years, so when I realised...

I know this is difficult - many of us go through this and I can connect. There is nothing worse than waking up and your breathing has gone shallow and rapid. There are things you can do to help yourself. For me it's key to find my feet. Like literally find them under the covers, slowly move...

I found the toddler years where exhaustingly hard and then the middle school years were tough. I didn't know until recently that my upbringing was traumatic... it was just 'normal' to me but I found the these years of parenting difficult and looking back I think I was triggered the whole time...

I am working with my therapist on this... I am collecting places and people that are safe for me and slowly doing things that usually trigger it - Exposure I suppose. I keep a journal that notes when it happens so I can unpick later why that might have been. For example, for me, sitting at the...

I have blocked and fuzzy hearing when I am triggered - it feels like my head is underwater or I am on an airplane. It's very 'white noise' and only really happens at home and around my Chosen Family. I think it's because my family of origin was chaotic and I am often hypervigilant around my...

I can't remember the most traumatic things that happened to me when I was a child. I have before details and know the aftermath well, but as far as details of 'the moments' of trauma, I have a black void. It's like staring into a big empty black space. Nothing! Sometimes I find this frustrating...

First Christmas with no contact with my family of origin and I am turning towards my chosen family to make new traditions. So far, the tree is up, the presents are almost all bought and the kids are excited. I feel like I am in "Holiday Training", as this weeks therapy session is all about...

This happens to me and is a sign I am triggered or becoming triggered. I often can't say the names of things or people and end up pointing and waggling my hands about in frustration. My brain knows what I am trying to say - it is all there and ready to be said, but there is some kind of...

I have had this a few times. I can totally relate. I wake up - half awake/asleep - and then I am totally disorientated. In this state I can re-experience traumatic events and often end up fighting/shouting etc - I am only half aware of what I am doing but my eyes are open and I know that I am...

I sat through a horribly uncomfortable meeting at work today which felt personal and unfair ... AND I didn't dissociate or have a panic attack. But I did let myself feel angry and I let it out in a safe and trusted place and the world didn't end. It was a tricky but good day. I practiced some...

Oh wow - thank you Complex... I didn't think this was a beautiful thing. At the time of writing it felt like I was totally lost and needed help. But I realise I wrote this nearly 2 months ago and now things are getting so much better for us. We are both working our therapists hard (they earn...

Thank you for this @Friday I appreciate your detailed response. There is definitely some stimming to soothe going on and I think also some release of anxiety and adrenaline. I am taking in all that you wrote and am going to take some time with it. I did today ask my husband to describe to me...

I am wondering if anyone can connect to this. I have these big involuntary body shakes and jerks that come when I am anxious or very tired at the end of the day. They can last for some time and feel quite violent when they do. I also get them in the middle of the night if I wake up and find...

Thanks TedWny for your reply. I have ordered the book you recommend. Appreciated x