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Getting up tomorrow and reading. I’m in the zone. It’s nice.

I already have Xmas lined up. Chinese food. Weed Bad Santa, The Ref, TNBC, Die Hard, Just Friends Reading All alone. I’m actually looking forward to as opposed to my dull everyday routine.

Dude. Thanks for your dating advice but you’ve been married like 40 years and no matter what bad movies and sitcoms and your kids’ gossip has told you about modern dating, you have no clue how horrific it is out here. You’re a total Ned Flanders. Superdad. Loving husband. And I mean that...

Coffee by Aesop Rock.

Photography.

Have a female presence in my life. I miss it. It was good balance. A viewpoint I need. Too bad I’m simply unable to be close to anyone at the moment.

Thanksgiving up here was three weeks ago. I ordered pizza, smoked a bowl and watched South Park. Alone. It was great. Best day I had in a long time.

Feel old.

Fever Ray — Mustn’t Hurry Been waiting 8.5 years for a new album.

Clonazepam. It actually helped me sleep almost 12 hours. Barely slept all week. That refill was a godsend.

Great thread idea. I’m reading a book on the communist revolution in China and it’s not my first journey into the subject. Regardless the mind boggling contempt Mao and Stalin have for human life genuinely moved me today. I’m usually detached and Spock-like reading about history. Today their...

Someone outside kept honking their horn. And honking. And honking. I could feel every honk in my head like a cartoon character whose ear expands and contracts with the sound. I was literally about to throw a small pumpkin off my balcony on to his windshield. But being evicted and homeless will...

May have found a good used camera. Need to get back into my hobby. It may save me.

That I’m still breathing.

Insomnia. It’s 0340 where I am.

https://youtu.be/hUAGdsiqPNc

-Insincerity -People who have an answer for everything. (Never trust these people) -loud vehicles and big trucks. For some reason both have been really triggering my anger for months -people who play professional victim

I haven’t read much about DBT so I can’t comment, but I do know that CBT is exhausting. It’s a constant vigil. It’s highly-demanding and requires complete commitment. I think it’s such a ball-breaker because it actually does work. Even now at what I can only hope is as close to my worst as...

Any other men with EDs on here? Yes I developed an ED as a means of control and because being obese is a fear I have after being chubby as a kid and being abused for it. I also blame my satanic mother who points out my weight loss/gain every time we see each other, and my ex wife who has a...

I feel a need to flee. Literally flight instead of fight. Followed by a sense of hyperreality. I have no idea what else to call it. It’s like I see everything, existence, the universe, human beings, in full colour, full reality. It all seems bizarre and absurd and it f*cking horrifies me. It’s...

I try to use CBT techniques. Meditation. Watch something. Music. Anything to distract. Weed is my medicine. I don’t like booze. Hell, I’ve even masturbated just to get my mind on something else. It’s temp but it may be enough to bring down that feverish thought stream. Wish you luck. I know...

I’m so f*cked up I don’t even have these anymore.

My eating disorder. I’m a man. It’s humiliating. I’m also so hungry I want to weep.

Cut someone cancerous out of my life. It was hard as hell. I still love her.

Sweet piss all. Terrible day. Terrible weekend.