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Just got back from therapy... My T was just as excited about my progress as everyone on here... but to be honest, I think I'm too exhausted to be excited right now... I mean, I'm happy that I felt it so strongly, but EMDR yesterday, an extra session of therapy today, plus therapy tomorrow... I...

I saw you’re starting EMDR too. I hope it goes well for you too. ? It’s definitely exhausting. I got home from EMDR last night around 5:00. I was so exhausted I went to bed at 8:00! My brain was a total mess. (But then again, it’s been like that after every session - but worth it!)

I've been really quiet because as usual, I was overwhelmed with flashbacks, meetings and EMDR. Went to EMDR yesterday, and while we were working on the memory of my father raping me, all I could feel was anger and disgust... When we finished, my disturbance of the memory went from 4 or 5 out...

I've always found that humor can really work in lots of situations... I used it as a way to protect myself as a kid... If I could get my father to laugh, I could "save" myself... and eventually I figured out that I liked making other people laugh too - including myself... I still love humor...

Luckily, most of my flashbacks happen in private, so I only look crazy to myself... ? So now I'm going to go on a search for some kind of scented oil that I can carry around with me. I'm not 100% sure I understand though... it is supposed to be for soothing me, or helping me get back to the...

That sounds like something I should look into... (Patchouli oil, eh? In a weird way, that might be good... I hate the smell... that would certainly get me out of a flashback.... yuck! ?)

I never thought of any of those. I’m not sure about the stuffed animal, but I’m liking the hard candy idea. I never thought of scented oils either. Do you mean like a little vial? It could be good. I’m just not sure how it works.

Luckily I have therapy this afternoon.... But until then, I'm so swamped with work, that for once, maybe that's a good thing... During the flashbacks, as weird as it is, even as I go through them, somehow I eventually realize that they're not really happening now... that and grounding myself...

Another day, another horrifying flashback... EMDR is going to kill me yet... I'm getting used to daily flashbacks - they're usually bad, but not as bad as these.... The last two times we've worked on stuff in EMDR, a few hours later, I end up with flashbacks that are worse than anything I've...

Congrats... Hitting your goal is great! I've been trying to get rid of my last 10 pounds for about 6 months.... The first 90 were simple.... the last 10 have been really tough... Been on WW for about a year and a half.... I can't even eat junk any more.... At our last meeting they asked us to...

It was a chilly 50F/10C last night here... and wind gusts of 100kmph/60mph... Walking outside in the yard was like an obstacle course... Mexican Fan Palms lose their fronds when it's windy... so these huge fronds were flying down from 60 or 70 feet... I was half expecting my dogs to blow away -...

Now you did it - you made me laugh! ? How can I feel different, when you and @somerandomguy understand what I'm feeling? My T keeps telling me all of the ways I react to my abuse is "by the book"... Between him and you guys, I'm being forced to deal with reality instead of always escaping...

Why do people have to be so nice? It'd be so much easier to just tell myself that everyone here is a jerk, and escape... Instead, you guys don't let me get away with not dealing with what I'm running from... Of course, I don't know what I'm actually running from, but there was a movie in the...

I'm just going to have to believe you.. It's really hard, because I instantly wanna reply, "Yeah, but what about ______?"... I spent most of my childhood not believing positive things happen to me... (Not that anything good did happen).... Refusing to accept positive things has become part of...

I don't know what to say except thanks... I swear there are days I think you're a straight version of me, @somerandomguy... (That's supposed to be a compliment - although I'm not sure being compared to me is much of one...) You seem to always get me... Damn you for making me stand back and...

Off the top of my head... Russell Howard Dawn French/Jennifer Saunders All three guys from "The Last Leg" Richard Ayoade Harry Hill

Another night of 5 hours sleep. My stress level is through the roof, and I'm in a really negative mood about everything right now.. This is the 254th post, and I'm still not sure I fit in here. I read other people's posts, and they're able to talk about all their memories... I can't even...

I am so fed up with life right now.... Daily flashbacks, but I still managed to drag myself to the gym four days this week. I did weights, walked miles on the treadmill and was even feeling a bit better this morning... Then I took the dogs for a walk, and tripped over the edge of a sidewalk...

Well, I managed to drag myself to the gym... and actually feel a bit better... I emailed someone to find out who in the company deals with ADA accommodations... and it turns out it was the same person... She told me to start with a letter from a doctor with all the info and accommodations...

My T is a doc, so hopefully that’ll work. I can get one from my psychiatrist If I need one I guess. My T said he’ll put stuff in saying they need to give me accommodations. I just don’t know any except less clients.

I wish things had stayed positive... This week ended up being horrible... My feeling good lasted about 4 hours... At work, they were back to adding clients to my caseload... The clients they let me give away a couple of months ago because I was overwhelmed were suddenly given back to me at a...

I think I'll have lots to talk about with my regular T on Thursday... The whole "not blaming myself" thing is overwhelming, but not in the usual bad way, if that makes sense. @Still Standing I'm so glad to hear that maybe I'm handling EMDR OK... It's nice to hear from someone who's been...

I texted my EMDR T and he seemed to think it was really amazing too... Now I'm just hoping that it lasts! I've got so much practice attacking myself... Not sure what I'll do instead... ? And last week, I was worried I was doing it wrong!

For the past two sessions we've been working on some heavy duty memories of my father raping me... Every time I go, I'm totally wiped out for days... and the flashbacks just keep on coming afterwards... After last night's EMDR - when I was in the middle of the flashback - I wrote to my...

Yep... I'm on day 17 or something of meditation... It helps some.... It's probably a good time to do it... as bad as I am, it does calm me down... Thanks for the support @bellbird ... I'm already calmer... :hug: