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  1. H

    Soul Sickness?

    In my case, a lot of my PTSD comes from when I was highly psychotic in high school and believed there were evil things living in my house. I had hallucinations of being sexually and psychologically abused almost every night, and on occasion even during the day when I was in my house. Believing I...
  2. H

    Feeling Like You Don't Deserve To Have Ptsd Or To Get Help

    This is definitely a trap I feel a lot of us fall into....I think the important thing is to not compare yourself to others. We're all affected by different things differently. Don't feel bad for feeling bad about what happened, if that makes sense. I was in a denial for a long time about the...
  3. H

    Meds-is This Normal?

    I took another pill today and so far haven't experienced anything. I'm going to take it for a week and if it really sucks I'll talk to my therapist about it next session.
  4. H

    Meds-is This Normal?

    Oh also I missed the med question sorry, I am not currently on any other SSRI's. Just Zoloft, and the Atavan which is a benzo (and I don't plan on taking that daily)
  5. H

    Meds-is This Normal?

    So did you drop medication altogether? Now that I'm observing it I think the jitteriness and anxiety kicks in once the med wears off. Because yesterday I didn't get it until like 6 hours after I'd taken it, and the benzo I didn't feel the jitters until the next morning.
  6. H

    Meds-is This Normal?

    Ok so this is what happened to me the last time I tried medication as well. Even after the FIRST pill I begin to experience negative side effects. Zoloft I definitely haven't felt anything as extreme as I got with Lexapro so I do think it's a better fit for me. Like when I first took it...
  7. H

    Progress!!

    As was probably evident in my last post I made on here a while back, I have been severely depressed as of lately. I was planning out how I would kill myself. I had started drinking and on a very bad day where I was unable to get out of bed I finally did so by downing shots of vodka and getting...
  8. H

    I Need Help

    I'm lucky because my therapist is also a nurse practitioner and can prescribe medication. One other concern I have with medication is my parents finding out. I had to go behind their backs to get therapy, and I guess they grudgingly accepted it because they never bring it up with me, but they...
  9. H

    I Need Help

    I know I'm depressed. I've struggled with depression on and off since I was 10. It's gotten more and more severe the older I get. I always refused to think I had actual depression as an illness though because there is a lot going on for me that leads me to become depressed, I'm not typically...
  10. H

    I Need Help

    Yes I am able to study. Sometimes schoolwork is actually good for me because it keeps my brain focused and off of thinking about how much I don't want to be here. Sometimes my anxiety makes it very difficult to do....but I'm still keeping up with it. I am doing my best to focus on my loved ones...
  11. H

    I Need Help

    My entire life now revolves around distracting myself from how much I hate being alive. I spent all of last night fantasizing about killing myself. I know how I'd do it but would prefer a way that if I failed wouldn't leave scars in an obvious location. I spent all last night thinking about how...
  12. H

    Poll How Long Have You Been In Therapy For Your Ptsd?

    Well I first started therapy back when I was 17 because of my struggles with anxiety. As I began to trust therapy more and more and felt more comfortable with it I opened up more about things I experienced, and really just now am I beginning to work on it, so that's why I said about only for a...
  13. H

    Poll Who Pays For Your Psychotherapy?

    My parents' insurance covers my therapy almost entirely. I have to pay about 35 bucks every week. CBT my copay went from 20 bucks to nothing. So psychotherapy is more expensive for me but I felt like I stopped benefitting from CBT and needed something new.
  14. H

    Memory

    Yesterday's therapy session was the first time that my issues with memory came up. I guess it was also when I began realizing how much it bothers me..... My memory is terrible. My therapist says it seems like I lack continuity. I will completely bury things in my memory BUT the really freaky...
  15. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    Yeah....last night was rough.....rolled too close to the edge of the bed so was continuously snapped out of sleep.....I had one dream and it was me being harassed by a demon and if I tried to call God it would punch me in the gut.....agh.... I'm close with my roommate but she doesn't know about...
  16. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    I have been there before. Luckily my fear is so much more manageable and under control than it used to be. Night time used to be a real terror for me, up until I was around 18.....now I wouldn't say the fear has become uncommon but it's definitely not every night and at the extent that it was...
  17. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    Yeah that's what I was trying to say in my first response, the shadows creep me out too much. Everything has to be light. I've managed to work myself down to be able to sleep in (slightly) dimmer lighting then fully bright. Will ask my therapist/med provider (theradoc?? ha) about those and other...
  18. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    For sleep? Actually no I haven't and I don't know why.....wouldn't mind trying I suppose. I think my worry with sleep meds was that they would mess with my dreams, which a lot of time are the most exciting part of my life.....And hmm I guess I could try those things. Still having a small little...
  19. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    Would like to mention that I could not just turn the lights on because I have a roommate. Makes sleep about 100x more difficult because we have to sleep with the light off every night. Very hard for me. To try to remedy that I will go to sleep before her when I can so the lights are on, but I...
  20. H

    Sleep Problems Are Literally Driving Me Crazy

    Ok so I have this thing where it is very, very difficult for me to fall asleep and can take some time. Everything in my environment has to be just so before I can fall asleep and if even the slightest thing is off I will not be able to. To make matters worse, if any of these specific...
  21. H

    How To Fight Obsession??

    I will ask my therapist about this (she can prescribe medication, she's sort of like my therapist and psychiatrist in one, except she's a nurse practitioner or something instead).....the last time I tried to go on medication I was not in a healthy state of mind and was very paranoid....resulted...
  22. H

    How To Fight Obsession??

    Having comorbid disorders is just generally terrible. I faced a similar issue when it came to medication for my anxiety disorder. I never wanted to go on antipsychotics for a multitude of reasons. But most anti-anxiety meds/anti-depressants can also exacerbate psychotic symptoms. So it was...
  23. H

    How To Fight Obsession??

    Yes. Exactly this. It is always relieving for some reason to find other people dealing with the same thing. My brain is just stuck.
  24. H

    How To Fight Obsession??

    I can't stop. I am completely incapable of stopping thinking about my life. Every day almost all day my life plays out in my head from as far back as I can remember to now. Over and over and over. And all it does is overwhelm me. I spend hours analyzing everything trying to understand, or else...
  25. H

    Rocking back and forth - any rockers here?

    Yes I always catch myself doing this actually. I have a bunch of nervous habits though. (Nail biting, inner cheek biting, etc...) It was way worse when I was a kid, I had repetitive tics like licking my hands and rubbing them all over my face and hair. During some of the worst of my psychotic...
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