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  1. S

    Self-Harm During Therapy

    Can you just choose to put your sweater somewhere else when you sit down so that you can't do this? Why do you think you felt the urge to do that during a light session?
  2. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I can wait to work through it. I just don't like being told I am not supposed to express myself except in one specific circumstance. I see expressing that I am angry and discussing the problem as things that can be separate. Maybe I am weird for that. I respect her right to set her own...
  3. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I have no expectations about working through things remotely. I agree that doesn't make sense. My issue is when I am reproached for not waiting until my session to say something. I don't think that's very fair.
  4. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    @Sideways She doesn't have a boss. And I wouldn't complain to one if she did. She hasn't done anything to warrant me complaining to someone in a supervisory role. She is not a bad therapist. It is indeed coercive to require someone to meet with you in order for them to be allowed to deliver...
  5. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I'm going. My point about voicing grievances is that she doesn't want me to voice them except in session - so that would include sending a letter. That is why I said it feels coercive. I am not aware of any other profession that demands that all communications be face to face, let alone a one...
  6. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    Oh no she texted me to ask if I still want to cancel and I don't know what to do!
  7. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I've calmed down a bit. Still upset though because it honestly hurts me deeply to have my experience so fundamentally misunderstood in this specific way. I hate admitting that. I hate caring. I hate that I am vulnerable and I hate that I've given her the power to hurt me by sharing things with...
  8. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    Yes but I've said that it DID NOT feel good and it's really upsetting because it feels like what I say doesn't matter! My feelings don't matter! My perception doesn't matter! I hate feeling like I'm supposed to agree with somebody about it feeling good when it didn't, all over again, yet again...
  9. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I asked her if she's trolling me but I don't think she knows what that means.
  10. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I don't know, every time she starts on one of her monologues about how I liked it and it felt good, it feels like such a throwback to the invalidation I felt when perpetrators would also ignore me when I said I didn't like something and tell me how I/my body felt. I get in such a triggered...
  11. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    She wouldn't cancel my appointment on Thursday and she said she thinks I misunderstood her! I didn't misunderstand her! She's obsessed with the idea that I liked being raped as a child!
  12. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    No, I haven't. I don't know if there are any near me. I'm also not sure if they would take me due to the stupid diagnosis I have.
  13. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I sent an angry text and I don't even feel any remorse. I am so angry right now. And it was truly an angry text this time.
  14. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    It went ok, I guess. The therapist made a doorknob announcement that she will be on vacation next week, and oops she thought she told me. That may have something to do with the post-session rage that I can feel coming on, but it's not the only thing. She said a couple other things that really...
  15. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    In the waiting room. My appointment is in 14 minutes.
  16. S

    Treatment team paranoia?

    I'm a little bit confused about what you're asking us to say you're not crazy about. I have no idea if you need a higher level of care. I guess it wouldn't be abnormal to find that prospect unappealing, if that's what you're getting at. But from what you've said, I'm not clear that anybody has...
  17. S

    Upset over Diagnosis Change

    I have access to the online DSM through my university, and l also couldn't find a diagnosis with that name. She might mean you have other specified or unspecified trauma and stressor related disorder. The DSM 5 did create a new section just for trauma and stressor related disorders, so maybe...
  18. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    I like the idea of bringing something cold I can hold. Maybe I will get some of those fake ice cubes you put in the freezer and bring a bunch in a little cooler. I might turn a frozen water bottle into a projectile - although that might be something I can do when I'm not worried about becoming...
  19. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    No, she's not trained to manage me when I'm past talking and have progressed to behaving like I'm possessed and destroying things. She's a therapist, not a punching bag. I know how I will react. I am helping myself, even if you can't see that. I have paid a heavy price for rage incidents and...
  20. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    @unbrokenwarrior She doesn't like talking about things over text. I don't think she does calls between appointments unless it's a crisis. She wanted to talk about this at the next appointment, so I didn't feel like she understood that I was contacting her as an alternative to cancelling. I...
  21. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    You're right, confrontation isn't the right word. It would be more of an attack or massacre. And having worked in a mental health agency for 8 years, I have an idea of what is cop-worthy. I would not be at all surprised if I found myself being escorted from the building by LEO for screaming at...
  22. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    Also, I feel like I should mention that the therapist doesn't consider me to be the "main person" and has threatened to commit me before. So I worry about losing control of myself and pitching some sort of fit in her office because then she might send me away. And everybody would be mad and it...
  23. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    Yes, it has always been this way. I threw the most awful tantrums as a child. I remember screaming until I lost my voice and making a habit of slamming my door so hard my parents decided to take it off. Then they took me to a psychiatrist. She taught me it was important to suppress my rage...
  24. S

    Ashamed of Angry Texting

    Huh? The appointment was for tomorrow. It can't be brought forward. I have another one scheduled for Tuesday. I'd be pretty upset if I let everyone convince me to do something I thought was a bad idea, and then I wound up with no therapist as a result. True, avoidance might harm me, but a...
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