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Yes. whenever I speak about the abuse and I am touching something important but difficult I feel like throwing up.

Freeze - In times of phisical danger ( car accidents or dating violent man) Anger - when I sense emotional danger (usually my reaction will be not proportional to the situation). I also use anger as "don't mass with me" message.

she is a good match. i am more calm today and understand why i behaved / felt the way i did. it was a trigger. thank you very much for taking the time to answer me :-)

Rationally I agree with everything you wrote Emotionally I don't care. Her problems are not mine. And if she is not feeling well she can cancel the meeting. It is not my role to think about her problems. I have my own. All my life I was a parent to my parents and my brother. And know I am real...

I think that it's normal. You want to know more about him because you are becoming more attached to him. I did the same with My T. When she was on vacation I missed her and googled her ( didn't find anything , she is not internet friendly :) ). Don't feel bad about it I think that it's very human.

You are right. I wrote her that I was insulted from her. She wrote me back that in the case of the next clients there was a special situation and she had to receive them on time. You were right.

dont forget that it is just my point of view of what happened. i know that in the last 2 months i am over sensitive

Thank you for your kind and supportive words :-)

God i feel so stupid!!!! I had a meeting with my T this morning and I didn’t have the courage to speak with her about it. the meeting was waste of time. I was in a good mood (for a change :-) ) so the meeting was not full of terrible descriptions. we spoke little about the abuse and who is...

Yes - there are few songs that bring 2-3 tears and it stops . . . it’s always when i am driving on my way to work. on the other hand, I was with my son on the playground few weeks ago and suddenly felt that I am going to start sobbing in the middle of the garden. when it comes it comes in...

Yes, I do have a T and i told her few times that I have challenge crying but she never said anything about it. i think/feel that she doesn’t want to push it and maybe knows that I will cry when the time will come. when I just started going to her about a year ago it was because some urgent...

I am not an atheist. I do believe in God ( but not the God of the Bible ). after I remembered the abuse I realized how all my spiritual / new age beliefs are "going out of the window". As if I needed them to purify the demeged place in my soul. And now that I know about the abuse I don't need...

Thank you very much for all your supportive comments. I will speak with my T next session about this issue. Your comments supported me very much to decide and speak with her.

If you suspect sexual abuse maybe try to find a T that specialize in SA. But more important than that is the person itself. If a T is warm and compationet that can do the work even if they don't have special training in this trauma. About the memories ... They will come when you feel strong...

Ok , here is the thing. Usually I love writing. I used to write a journal my entire childhood. But I can't write anything about the abuse. Until 2 months ago I even didn't know it happened (although I allwayes suspected something bad happened in my childhood ). Writing is as if I am accepting...

Thank you Blackjack. I was touched by your answer. You almost brought me to tears :)

I understand your point of view

I don't think about crying as a special goal. I just need to cry NOW. And I can't. I don't think that I will accomplish something by crying. It's just an emotional need. Like getting angry. Which is also very difficult for me.

I have a chalange with crying. I really want to cry my heart out. Even to scream. The last 2 month since the abuse came out were so difficult. I hardly worked or slept. I feel the tears but I can't take them out. I tried to scream in my car but felt stupid. I cried when my father died or my...

I know exactly what you mean about the mother role. I keep very strong boundaries with my T. More than her boundaries as a T. At the beginning I was afraid of being attached to her or to want her to be my mother and then be disappointed. I held very strong on those boundaries. I don't call her...

I am the same. I see abuse everywhere but when it comes to me I don't see it.

The first thing she told me when I told her about the abuse was that it never happened to her. It was in a context which I don't remember at the moment. So I don't think this is the issue. ( although at the time I thought that it was strange she told me) On other issue with my mother , before...

You mean that if you see the same thing happen to someone else and the other person say it's abuse - only than- you feel it's abuse? I feel the same in a way. Sometimes I tell my T very difficult things with a smile. And when she say that she is so sad for me, after few hours I suddenly realize...

Hi. Tnx for the reply. I am not sure I understood the second part of your answer. About validation. Can you explain again ?

You know what, you are right! In the beginning when the abuse came out and it was vague body sensations or dreams she used to tell me things like:" oh I am so sad for you " or when I started to see the abuser in the flashbacks she said : "it's heart breaking". And I knew 100% that she is with...