I Can't Cry. And I Really Want To

[Missycat]

As @steel says, there is no forcing it, im sorry that there is no quick fix as you say like a pill.
Do you have a T at the moment? Im just wondering what support you have, to ensure you are in a safe place.
Hope i really hope you find the support you need.

 

[Tinyflame]

As an adult, I fear emotional pain to the point where it is almost phobic and that has not helped me at all. I'm just getting to point where I am able to cry and it feels very out-of-control for me. I know that logically, I am fine... my emotions tell me I'm in trouble. The balance is trying to be able to see that when it is happening.

That said, I know it is beneficial... and I think you will be able to when the time is right. When it happened for me I had to remind myself that after I got up off the bathroom tiles, that I was going to be ok.

Yes . To all of your post. Thank you.

 

[joeylittle]

@Hope1969 - you could try experimenting with listening to music that you find to be very beautiful, or watching movies/reading stories that have central characters you empathize with that undergo loss.

I accidentally discovered that the first 10 minutes of the Pixar movie "Up" is personally very affecting to me. When I was struggling with some grief and felt like I couldn't release it, I watched that, and it helped.

I generally have the opposite challenge - I cry easily - so when I'm vulnerable, I avoid music, books, and any stories that I know will affect me on TV, movies, and real life.

But I really believe that fiction - and all art, really - is there to help people release emotions of all sorts. Anger, sadness, joy...everything. So maybe find out what kinds of stories allow you to feel and express what you have bottled up?

 

[Hope1969]

Do you have a T at the moment?

Yes, I do have a T and i told her few times that I have challenge crying but she never said anything about it. i think/feel that she doesn’t want to push it and maybe knows that I will cry when the time will come.

when I just started going to her about a year ago it was because some urgent issues with my mother that I felt i couldn’t handle anymore. i was fastrated and cried in Therapy few tears. so I guess she knows i know to cry :-)


I don’t want to speak with her more about it, it embarrasses me and also I don’t want to make crying an issue.

 

[Hope1969]

you could try experimenting with listening to music that you find to be very beautiful, or watching movies/reading stories that have central characters you empathize with that undergo loss.

Yes - there are few songs that bring 2-3 tears and it stops . . . it’s always when i am driving on my way to work.


on the other hand, I was with my son on the playground few weeks ago and suddenly felt that I am going to start sobbing in the middle of the garden. when it comes it comes in surprise in the most inappropriate place or time. I worked very hard to hold the need to burst in tears (started to imagine all the parents and children coming to ask what happened and me sitting in the middle crying like a 5-year-old child J ).


I have a friend who had PTSD and she told me that she forced herself to see sad movies and hear sad music so she could cry. even if it happened in the bus on the way to the university. I can’t do that ….


Maybe I will try to hear the sad music in the evening when i have time and try to write the abuse like Missycat suggested.


Thanks for your advice!

 

[Missycat]

@Hope1969 , sending gentle :hug:s if you accept to help you with your healing journey.

 

[NatBird]

@Hope1969
I cried maybe 4/5 times in between my early teens and late twenties. I cried again when I had my first explicit PTSD but they closed off soon after.
Over the last six months the tears keep coming, more and more each time, from deeper within each time, a sobbing and very child like. I realise I am grieving.
I share this to say (in my experience) that they will come when they are ready.

Crying can be really hard if doing so seemed to make the abuse worse - 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry for', or crying meant abandonment (this is where I relate to the control thing). I also believe I've had trouble crying because the conditioning I had taught me tears do not bring forward soothing caregivers, so the system decideded tears aren't soothing, they are redundant.

The last few years I just took time to notice them coming. The stinging sinus the pressure against the eyes. This helped me, just to know the mechanic were in place. Hope that makes sense. Wishing you well.

 

[NatBird]

Yes music can be good too. At the moment I find Emile Sande 'Read All About It', brings me to tears. Not my sort of music at all!