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The first example resonates with me very strongly, also the part about amnesia and getting lost/confused/disorientated in conversation. Not to mention my natural reaction is also defensive. I automatically assume people's number one motive towards me is negative. I 100000% contradict myself.

First, I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. And second, I am sorry you are feeling a lack of support from those in proximity to you. All I want to tell you is it's very important to take care of yourself. Right now, those around you are going to tell you things you don't...

Is it possible to have a flashback of something I possibly imagined WHILE dissociating when abused? I think I used to imagine someone close to me walking in on what was happening, finding out about it etc, but that never actually happened...could that be a memory of imagination, like imagining...

Underneath the untouchable exterior lies a preowned body, much rather touched Beyond her years Emotions are bubbling in my chest Rising to the surface The lack of air in my lungs keep them from bursting Ready to release, the pressure halts, storing in my cells, silently intensifying...

I would be drunk/high everyday like I used to be. I was drinking last week and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I would do that anyways but it's worse when it's from flashbacks and the anxiety is increased. There's no escape, like being sober is the best option right now. I just want to enjoy...

I've always been sensitive to particular sounds, but even more now. Laughter in unison and footsteps and all that crap. Why are most of us startled easily? How the f*ck does this mess with our head so damn much???

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 10 and died when I was 15. She was prideful and alienated herself often so I took care of her. Physically and emotionally. We had a very close relationship, but she put me through a lot, and then skipped out before I eventually "broke". She'll...

I should've read the entire post with clarity and the comments. I'm late on this thread and confused................oops. Sorry all!!!!!

Although I just recently started recovering memories of CSA, I have never been in an intimate relationship. I've only ever had one night stands, refused to have sex with the same person twice. When my one night stand would message me the next day or whenever, I would either ignore them or...

Also, you are NOT crazy!!!

I can relate to the feeling that "something is wrong with me", like there something more, something missing. Please please PLEASE consult with your therapist. I've struggled with an eating disorder and self harm also. I've been in therapy for years and although I had that feeling, I don't think...

i was out for lunch with family in my neighbourhood today when one of my fam members pointed out that my childhood abuser just passed by. my heart started racing and i almost wanted to cry. i said "why would you tell me that?" etc etc. i didn't do what i was supposed to do today. this means he's...

It just occurred to me that I must've been somewhat disconnected from my memories or my body because I never felt myself little. Recently, I've been FEELING little. I can remember my little self and I can feel my body. I've never actually felt in my body before, I've never felt my little body...

Thanks

I've always been open and a radical, but after memories of CSA, I feel halted. I'm not strong right now, I don't think I ever was. I don't like my personality, I don't like myself at all...

I have not processed my trauma with a counsellor yet. I have spoken about it with others. I have no idea when it'll come back up prominently, I just try not to think about it as it makes me hazy and feel slow and unable to think and speak clearly. I feel like my brain is deteriorating. This is...

Sending you positive vibes...you will get through.

Wow...there were so many signs since early childhood and it was all completely overlooked...I was also horribly bulimic when I was 15,16 and 18...Now I know why I struggle so hard with being comfortable in my skin. This is just too hard to accept. All I can think of is I want to treat myself...

CSA completely shaped my behaviour throughout my entire life. I always thought something was wrong with me. And to know it could've been solved years ago just makes me feel like the damage can't be undone. How am I supposed to undo all that I am and my ways of life? oh my god....I've always had...

His face was clear. His face is starting to become unclear. Am I starting to somehow forget? I can't even let myself feel what I know I'm going to need to later on because I can't let myself go there right now, so does that mean I'm blocking it out again? I'm just getting more and more...

Thank you for you comment, both of you. I'm just struggling to figure this out as it's new to me. I apologize if I have made you feel like you're crazy etc. I don't view others that way or want to invalidate others experiences, it is just how I've been feeling about myself. Thank you for your...

I was in therapy consistently from ages 8-10 and then 14-18...I stopped over a year ago cause I just got tired and shit, but I recently messaged my therapist from last year. It's tiring having to find a new therapist and build a relationship with them, nevermind share your story again and again.

Okay, so I'm aware this is f*cked up and I'm probably just crazy, but here goes. I had a lot happen during my childhood. It wasn't until my mother died when I was 15 that I started to recall info, nothing crazy big, just little things about my childhood. I smoked a lot of weed to cope with my...