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I think I'll start. I've been avoiding this thread because, at times, it's hard for me to find anything to compliment (about myself). 1. I LIKE that I am DIFFERENT (despite the ridicule & criticism from my family). I'm not like my parents and I do not want to be. 2. I am STRONG.

I've been reading about narcissistic mothers. She fits the 'engulfing' model. I'm not sure what this all means to me emotionally. Maybe my denial wall is crumbling. I feel pretty raw about all of this. Maybe it's because I used to think my mother was the 'healthy' one. Not a chance.

I did this all through my schooling, but I think I did it more as an escape than grounding.

It took me YEARS to get to that point. I did start going to a group T kind of thing which helped me in some ways. My current T helps me immensely. I think I'm also ready to investigate that part of my life and come to terms with it on a deeper level. I'm really sorry about your sister. Remember...

Apologies if this is out there, I did a search, but didn't find a thread. How do you ground yourself when you find yourself slipping? My bf asks me where I am, which does help. It reminds me that I'm not locked in the past, though it can be hard to disengage from the feelings at times. I think...

This is an interesting thread. I like it. I can relate with A LOT of what you said Lizio. I do not want to be like my parents- I also want to be the opposite of them. I am overwhelmingly conscious of every little thing that I say or do that could possibly hurt another person (probably too...

I don't have a lot of faith in the school systems. Anyway, a lot of people who come from abusive homes tend to be a little on the 'brainwashed' side or just plain scared of 'telling' on their abusers. Our recognition of the situation can be incredibly empowering for us and our children. We're...

Shit! So, this is what I've been doing? My parents do this too- endlessly. They never shut up about how the world is abusing my father or how stupid people are. It makes me ill sometimes. I seem to have at least some kind of awareness that I'm going on and on. I try to put it to a constructive...

You know, I just read through this again and I think part of me is afraid to distance myself from my parents. Shit, maybe I do have some form of Stockholm's.

Yes! I agree with several of the comments here... especially the one about predators. They know. They can sense low self esteem, naivety, innocence, good intentions and they eat it FOR LUNCH. My ex husband was (probably still is) a predator. I was amazingly naive when I met him (thank my...

I think we did the best with what we had. Think of our 'role models.' What kind of models were they? They sucked! So, it's only natural (or very, very likely) that we would think/accept abusive behavior as being normal. It's hard to break down that wall of denial and see that yes, we do...

Spies? I'd prefer dragons and giant parrots.

YES! I married an emotionally abusive, controlling sex addict of all things! I think he was a tad on the misogynistic side as well (sarcasm). He left me after some pretty bad mind games and it took me some time to realize that he was actually doing me a favor. I then dated more sex addicts and...

I've done this most of my life. I think after my divorce I learned to 'fake' normalcy. I had been slowly moving in that direction anyway. I guess I just realized that in order to 'fit in', I had to be more aware of certain behaviors I had. I suppose this 'stare' is a form of dissociation-...

How about two? Challenged and challenging. They kind of go together.

Alive.

Erosive. Though it's not as bad today. Some days, it feels as if I have no skin at all.

I was taught as a child that hard work was important and that anyone who didn't 'work hard' was lazy. Of course, I can now see how crazy that statement was as well as the actions of my parents (e.g. just the two of them putting in a pasture fence using a manual post-hole digger, hammer and nails...

Hoping you feel better soon.

Irritable.

Heh, I voted for both. :rolleyes: Though right now, I am angry at my mother the most. I spent almost my entire life hating the hell out of my incredibly violent and emotionally abusive (and sometimes suicidal) father. I am angry that she did not protect me (kept going back to him), used me as...

Angel: I know what that's like. My mother has been my father's cheerleader my entire life. She has done this sort of thing. Any time I complained about his abuse, I was reminded of his 'hard' childhood and how his parents neglected him or beat him with whatever was available. Apparently, my...

It feels like I'm Han Solo frozen in f*cking carbonite. Immobile. Helpless. Frozen in time.

Feeling left behind in the past. I hate this feeling. Everyone else is moving forward and I'm frozen in time.

I feel worthless, stupid and used. I hate feeling this way.