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I was a CFS/ME sufferer for many years. It was horrendous. My own father used it as an excuse to further verbally and emotionally abuse me and I was punished a lot for having it. I was too sick to work or complete education but I was made to do booth. When I could only do part time I was mocked...

MisterCatLady "you are normal and so one of us and I'm glad you are here"...bless you @MisterCatLady .That is a beautiful thing to say and it helps me feel less hopeless about the whole thing. I do actually have a diagnosis of OCD- both rituals and intrusive thoughts (pure o) and have battled...

ok this is going to sound weird. I have always been afraid of the abuse happening again until recently- i find myself wanting it to simply so i can say that yes it happened and i am not making it up, exaggerating. Although i go through life with anxiety and extreme fear I cannot really cry or...

apologoies for massive thread hijack. i zoned out a bit there and have jsut seen ho wmany posts i have writtren. sorry,i tend to lose track of times and get lost in zoning out. it somehow comforts me. from what? anxiety and self doubt maybe? to be fair i did try to tell my dad once how his...

abuse is horrendous but for a very small percentage of abused children it is not a black and white question of bad parent and innocent child. by ther time i was 7 or 8 years old i no longer had innocence. that is when my behaviour went from just needy, neurotic, anxious, shy to bolshy...

no problem @Lionheart777. I didn't mean any offence. I am unusual amongst other child abuse victims because i was a pretty abusive and angry child myself. therefore i was not an innocent victim. my sister was a well behaved kid and did not contribute to her abuse in any way. i envy her that tbh...

thanks- it means a lot to me to be believed. i know i can't accept it that i wasn't to blame but part of me needs/wants to hear that i wasn't. bless you Berlinda

thanks Friday and waltermitty. I can see how some self blame is helpful and up to now i have found that in some cases it helps because then i can say that what was done to me wasn't that bad? But at same time the idea that what was done to me wasn'r that bad uosets me beacuse it means i am...

I don't know who my inner child was? innocent or partly deserving? oversensitive and a self pitying stupid mess for letting such trivial abuse hurt her??? or maybe the pain i feel is justified I do wonder wether the hate I feel for myself and the self harm began with this. this desire to punish...

I feel a lot f the abuse I had as a child was justified. i was told it was because I was lazy, arrogant, bad, fat, ugly greedy etc and a lot of trhose traits were true. I am also excessively sensitive to any personal slights so I feel i must have overreacted to the abuse in my case some of it...

i don't like my name. it makes me feel ashamed and horrible inside and i don't know why. probably because my father called me by it with such distaste in his voice

I knew my sister was abused but there are things she has confided in me that were done to her that I have no recall of. And in the past she used to doubt me when I shared some of the things that were done to me. I remember being very hurt by her denial but I look back and realise I had...

Thanks One Step. I rarely am able to shed tears or cry much unless I am angry or annoyed or hormonal but I almost felt like it then. The relief that someone out there thinks I am worth responding to. I know that sounds a bit extreme but I am touched by that kind response. Been feeling very...

I am on Prozac and it took the edge of things for a while but it just isn't doing it for me anymore. They are talking about Citalopram for me now. I was on mood stabilisers (Zyprexa,, Depakote etc) but they did very little for me and Zyprexa almost gave me diabetes and made my PCOS worse

I have got to a point now (for the most part) where i can accept the memories are real. What I can't yet accept is that they aren't trivial or that I'm not overreacting. Or that they are real CPTSD. I don't have a formal diagnosis of CPTSD- my label is Borderline PD. But a therapist who was...

i definitely relate to the anger and fight response. I can go from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds as regards rage anfd intense anger. I found Dialectical Behavioural Therapy was good for helping e understand it but i struggled to apply what i learned,Mostly because of self doubt that it really was...

Apologies for my terrible spelling etc I am registered a sphysically disabled with dystonia and typing is difficult due to muscle spasms

Thanks One step. I don't feel strong though. More like oversensitive. I hope you are right though. I am so tired of feeling a freak or like am inherently messed up. I feel I ahve to believe something caused this. I am weird in really strange ways too- I don't desire realtionship. or children. I...

I do think he should have handled my additional needs better. I was more sensitive and vulnerable than a NT kid with no issues. I also see that my issues meant I needed a firm hand as well at times. But he took the tough love thing to far. And once he admitted to me that he used to enjoy saying...

You think so? I want to believe it but I cannot really? Thanks though...I can see my behaviour must have been very irritating- I would follow parents from room to room trying to get reassuarnce for things etc. I was embarassing- being shy, I didn't mix with others. My clothes weren't...

...i feel that the stuff which happened when I was older (and some of those were the worst incidences of abuse) must have been my fault. Must have. And I don't know why it should bother me, but as a mentioned before, my ego is fragile and always has been. I think BPD traits have a lot to do with...

My father was/is emotionally verbally and occasionally physically abusive. This has been going on since my earliest years (my mother said it started soon after they married). My mum, my sister and I were abused mostly verbally and emotionally though threats of violence were often used. The...

My one friend who I can talk to about stuff is having treatment for lukaemia and cannot go out at moment- she has no immune system and in Britain it is cold and flu season. Bringing the guinea pigs may be an option or phoning my mental health crisis team.I don't find it easy to go into details...

To be fair, I do remember an incidence of sexual abuse at age 10 by 3 kkids the same age as me who held me down and were violent in the attack. I was upset for a couple days afterwards because I felt so ashamed and someone I blurted it out to told someone in authority (headteacher of the school...

I have this feeling exactly. Until I read this I thought I was the only one who got it. I have been sexually abused but in really minor ways- I did not consider it had affected me. My pain CPTSD issue has always been emotional verbal and occasional physical abuse plus witnessing my mother and...