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Victory is mine, you can't take Away who I am again, Love is not pain, it is Everything your not, and I will Never let you hurt me again, Trauma will empower me,even In my hour of darkness I know Now I am powerful, and in the End, I'm the keeper of my fate.

One of my "triggers" is my sister, my only blood relative, but she was the start of all things horrible in my life, and the thought of her makes me spiral down. She was this horrible person to me all my life, as very young children the torture I endured from her scarred me. I hear her voice...

@sun seeker thank you! It makes me feel good that it may reach someone.

Oh how I wish to sleep under these covers forever, safe and warm, like a child who has a false sense of security, if I cover my head Nothing can ever hurt me, My heart beats fast, but I'm so warm, a shroud surrounds my body, in my sleep I can be anyone, I will see the nightmares, but to me...

@shimmerz I think I did answer my own question. Thank you. :)

@theotherside thank you, yeah facing it is hard, my brain is on auto delete.. But I know I have to.

@shimmerz your so right about the emotional baggage I need to unload. I just don't know where or how to start. I am an emotional sink hole, I have never been good at letting things out. Only when I write can I truly feel.

Well I want to say congrats on your new job, but you said you didn't want that. Wow this is such a good topic for me. Reading this opened my eyes to my own recent trials with making a new resume. I hated every second of it! It is something I had to do but I didn't want to think of my...

I have let go of my former life, pictures, furniture, clothes, places, people, everything that tied me to it, to him. To my whole past. I have closed the door in hopes it will somehow disapear. It resurfaces in my panic and my fear. Ignoring it seemed to work the last time. Or did it? I...

I want to help you, but I suffer the same afflictions. I do realize I have pushed people away so they cannot see what I'm going through, so it stands to reason I'm alone, but I want to be that way, so why is the self hatred so deep. Love is a chemical reaction- they can love you, even if...

@TonyG It's been a while since I went to the doctor, nothing they were giving me helped- in fact everything they gave me made my symptoms worse. I have always tried eating healthy and self healing, using the doctor for diagnostic purposes only. I guess my body doesn't like artificial...

I do not respond to any medication well, my body has never tolerated prescriptions. Does anyone know of any natural way to cure anxiety, or at least lighten the feeling? I know about exercise, but are there any paticular foods that can help? I'm suffering day and night, I'm at a loss....

Sometimes when I'm angry I call myself horrible names, and saying things like "oh you stupid f#%*ing bit#%! Why can't you just die already?!" And more things that he told me all the time, and then I get mad because he wins! His goal was to terrorize me, bring me down! And here I am saying...

Shimmerz It sounds like your counselor got her counseling certificate from the corner drug store! I can't believe she said that. Thank you for your post/ everyone's posts thank you. I have been completely alone in this until now. I'm glad your feeling better now, I sometimes wonder if I am...

My mother actually laughed when I told her about it. It cut through me like a knife, how dare this woman who (even though I wasn't adopted by her until 10 years old) is supposed to have the most empathy toward me is insulting me. It felt like I was being bullied, like she thought so little...

The first sign something was very wrong inside me. A day off of work started out as normal as any other, I was working on cleaning the house, my daughter was at school, so as usual I tried to cram as much house work in as possible before she got home. I remember it like it was yesterday, I...

Willykat Thank you, I will read that. I will listen to any advice at this point, I'm totally alone in this.

I'm sorry that your belittled, I know what it's like to feel alone in this. When I told the woman who adopted me I had PTSD, she chuckled at me and said in a very insulting manner- " what? Like the soldiers have!" That was a knife through the heart, a downplay on the hell I endured. Iv had...

Thank you! Yes I accept. :hug:

I have the same feelings, I remember before the things happened to me I used to believe in all that romantic stuff, now I don't even have the desire to be In anyone's company. It's safer to be alone, my heart is protected, but I must admit I don't feel worthy of this thing called "love". It...

I see him everywhere, not really his physical presence but a car like his, a voice like his, a laugh, a song- my daughters eyes- they are his. My heart races every time I think "it's really him, he has found us!" A sound in the night, a honking horn, a bang, a dog barking- I never wanted to...