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Yeah--and sorry for this. It's the "normalizing" that seems to be--for me--one of the hardest things to come to terms with in this case. Makes me feel very "tricked."

so terribly sad for all you endured--so very sorry.

I swear this thread is a buoy--so grateful for those who've posted--and I am, too, so sorry for the terrible pain you have all endured, what you've weathered. Overall I find the mix of denial and anxiety is maddening, and extra maddening is the cycle of "normalcy" I still maintain with her on...

Happy Mother's Day to you, too, @Cora Lekki :hug: Thank you for this and thank you for setting such a good example for me. Thank you, @Simply Simon I'm so very sorry, @gizmo ....and thank you for your words here and for your toughness.

Have some of the same, @Laurie2001 ...my mother is an "activist" and so much is about her public persona, and that persona is as a kind of champion for her causes, as a "strong woman" (in fact people will tell me how fortunate I was to be raised by "such a strong woman"), as someone always...

UGGGGGGH--her language here is totally not effective (or it wouldn't be for me, either!)….I have such trust issues, too, and always worry there is a "formula" and I'm just a "type"….so need to know she's real. Get it completely.

Big time...yes to the pre-Mother's Day stress. I am still in the throes of uncovering the full impact of my mother's choices and behaviors, and in these last weeks especially I've had some "I thought that was normal" childhood memories return in a new and messed up light...It's all been deeply...

My T and I had a hard discussion today about her resorting to "generic" language in the form of "all human beings feel x" or "in normal human relationships people y"....lecture-y move in response to my unloading probably too much in our last session. It makes me feel like a weirdo alien whose...

I'm checking in on this thread to see how everyone is doing and to offer a little update (though I can't say much change)--I know it seems to be an ongoing and slow process. I am drowning today for sure. New (old) memory late last week came into focus and it's just--gross enough and hard to...

Thank you so very much @MyLostStarGirl ....I actually tried to reply to this post yesterday and it seems my bad connection didn't help. Anyway--yes--drowning is exactly what it feels like. I struggle to acknowledge some of what is there...because I think...maybe I can be angry, but I can't let...

So--a couple things: This is an old thread but I responded to it because folks were being uncharacteristically critical of the original poster (OP), who was just a teen and who was actually very disturbed by what she was experiencing. I shared my own very explicit, long-term exposure experience...

--this is so helpful for me too, @ladee (and I'm sure the OP), as I sometimes get stuck in this sense of self-conscious anxiety about wrapping it all up, "getting over it," just moving on....this push comes from me, not my T, who has assured me that she practices "long-term therapy" and that so...

Outside

@Cora Lekki : lifeline. Thank you.

I've been going to therapy now for just over two years and I've been slowly pulling back all the layers of my experiences growing up. It's all very hard, as I know so many here are well aware. I just hit what seems to be the toughest yet, which is coming to terms with the fact that there were...

good enough

Definitely a feeling of wanting to hide is common for me, and the "fog" as I usually call it is a kind of comfort--it's sometimes my way of just needing to check out/too tired to stay with stuff...sometimes I can do this purposefully and other times it just happens. What strikes me here though...

My therapist has suggested--with a lot of care--that I've been "holding out on her" and...well, in some ways she's been right and in others, I don't always know what my deal is--I need the time to work through and/or respond to the fact that I feel ashamed and to get at a thing. I agree with...

Someone on another thread recently used the phrase "emotional hangover"....I think this is perfect and exactly what I usually feel like after a session--just wrecked and drained and sad. Sometimes I get frustrated--like how much can I take?--and other times I feel so deeply grateful: I get that...

My T says "Where'd you go?" or "What just happened there?"....sometimes I answer the first question with the honest truth: "Into the specks of dust on the carpet; into the pattern on the couch; into the bricks on the wall"....it always seems to start with my eyes getting stuck on something. But...

For me this process started two years ago when I lost a beloved friend to breast cancer. I sought out a therapist to help me deal with the grief, which was just absolutely consuming me at the time (though I was doing all I could to hide that and push forward). After six months in therapy talking...

I had my first experience of a body-memory-turned-real-memory last week and it was awful. During therapy session I felt very distinctly the feeling of being straddled and sat on; at the time I was ashamed of myself for even voicing it because it wasn't "real"--I thought it was just a metaphor of...

I just want to say yes--hangover--yes, exactly, that's what it is. Not much help, but commiseration for sure.

@Charleh and @BlueOrange --thank you both so much for this. This helps me. I am feeling alone--and kind of scared of being alone with my own mind, if that makes sense (I bet it does, from what you say). I've been working with my T for two years now and I think the fact that this is new for me...

@Rosa thank you for this--so much. I'm in a very strange place and I can't tell you how helpful it is to have someone paint a kind of trajectory for me so I can have some faith/ways to stay with all this...