Search results

Took a little trip to Urgent Care today. Didn't get too many answers but the doc there did think that the dizziness might be related to a calcium build up in my inner ear. They ran some blood tests, did a head CT, and the doc asked a thousand questions. The manipulations he did to me did seem...

@Survivor3 My psychiatrist reached out to me yesterday to ask if I needed something. I hate the idea of taking sleeping medication for a number of reasons. I may have reached a point now where I am willing to try it. Unfortunately, it's now the weekend.

I haven't been sleeping much over the past week. A couple of hours here and there but no real solid night's sleep. My body hurts and my brain isn't working well at all. Just the thought of having to go to work on Monday has me in a panic so severe that a part of me wants to die rather than...

I did not go to work today. My husband convinced me to stay home. Plus, I generally do listen to my therapist, even though I think sometimes that he doesn't think that I do. I am working from home today but my first class was a bit of a mess because my brain is not cooperating with teaching...

I think my brain is broken. I'm trying to work through too much all at once. Major career changes with big decisions that I have no idea how to make, processing new really difficult memories, and being buried under a mountain of work. It's all too much at the moment. I had my T's CBT group...

Had my special education department meeting today and discovered that the real reason I'm being moved is because I refuse to just pass all of the students. Well, I can wear that reason like a badge of honor. That's been a thing at my school since before I got there. They claim it's because...

This seems accurate. Maybe easing up on group would be helpful. It's easier to quit group and come back if I want to than it would be to give up my T and then try to come back. In general, I have felt like group helps me but maybe it's just too much at the moment.

I'm back to really struggling with my relationship with my T again. I hate that I keep winding up back here. I think I'm ready to start processing the events from the past few days or so and start figuring this out. I also have an appointment with my BHT this afternoon so wrapping my brain...

I'm really angry today. I was told at the end of the day that I'll be at the main building at my school working with 11th grade students teaching a financial literacy class. It's the place that they put the bad teachers that they don't know what else to do with. And the truth of the matter...

Dear Josh, I don't really remember the last time I saw you. I know it's been at least seventeen years now, maybe longer. You've been dead for over seven years. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You changed me and changed my life forever. I doubt I can forget...

Spoke to my friend about the recommendation letter today. She said she'll get it done by Friday. Things can't always move at my pace and I need to be patient. It's a bit trickier now though because I did get accepted into Pepperdine. This is cool but as I was speaking to the admission person...

I'm thinking about leaving X's group. X is getting to the point where he's talking for longer and longer. He went 35 whole minutes tonight on a speech. That wasn't the only one either. I can always go back if I need to but honestly, overall, I'm doing much better than I was a year ago and a...

Friday was an interesting day. I went over to a local deli to pick up lunch for me, L, and another teacher and ran into three social studies teachers from the main building. One of them was the head of the social studies department. He apologized to me for getting stuck with S for the last...

Went to group today and I think I talked too much. Also, my T seemed to click with another one of his patients in a way that he's never clicked with me. So now I have a lot of feelings. *Sigh* I think it's been good to have my T as my group therapist as it has helped grow the relationship...

This is true. And now that you mention it, when I was in college, my therapist (whom I adored) was more of a mentor to me than he was a therapist. Because that therapist did help me to stay mentally stable, more or less, I guess I've been trying to put current T in that relationship. To be...

I'm heading into another bad section of my depression cycle. I took Monday off to engage in self-care but it didn't seem to have a real effect. Group last night kind of triggered me. Last night's topic was about control. I know I can't really have control over my life, most of us can't...

Had a bit of an irrational weekend. I was wholly convinced that my T was leaving the HMO because, drum roll please, his appointments for July weren't posted yet. I knew this was irrational but I couldn't stop the thoughts. Since then, they have posted and I have my appointments for EMDR for...

The grad school application process is taking a toll on me. Most of it has been easy but these personal statements are so hard. I want to sell myself but I struggle to say nice things about myself without feeling arrogant or even sometimes like I'm lying. Yet, at the same time, school is...

I know you're right. I know that this idea or project or plan has taken root and every bad day I would have in teaching would make me wonder what if. We have a relationship with our jobs of a sort and I feel like doing therapy would always be the one that got away. I think it's just really hard...

I'm genuinely getting scared. It seems really terrifying to leave a reasonably well paid job where I have a lot of job security and mostly know what I'm doing to chase after a job that is a risk. No one, especially my husband, is trying to talk me out of it. My financial advisor even came up...

I got a substantial amount of work done yesterday, which is good. I also got a call from my mom. She is very opposed to me leaving teaching. She doesn't know that I plan on going back to school to become a therapist, which would really make her crazy. She kept telling me what an excellent...

I've been doing a lot of thinking today about the events of the last few days. After my last post on Wednesday, I had my session with my BHT. This is going to sound weird in a way but I really like her as a person and want to be friends with her but I don't think I like having her as my...

I'm going back to my old impulses of wanting to quit therapy again. I know that this is an avoidance behavior because I don't want to tell my T about my career and grad school plans. I know as a grown woman, I can do whatever I want and he can't actually stop me nor do I think that this...

I took Friday off last week to engage in self-care. That was a big deal for me- to admit I was getting run down and that I needed to recharge more than other people needed me. I got some sleep, did work for about five or so hours anyway, and started the conversations I needed to have with grad...

On Wednesday, I had my BHT session. She really helped me to map some things out more specifically now that I was determined to move forward. I feel tremendously better about making this shift. My day was horrible. If I had had any doubts about switching, the awful day I had at school...