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Exactly, how do I know it's worth it? How much of me wants to be " normal?" And what is normal anyhow? What is the definition of normal? I thought I wanted to be like the non depressed people in the world! Seems like I am definitely missing something!

Thank you very much. I have chills reading what you wrote. Depression is like anger- turned inwards. I just don't know if I am strong enough or want it enough to fight.

You are so right! It is much easier to isolate then to have to face my fears! This behavior is carved into my brain, and hey, it worked!! It was a great safety net. I guess I haven't fallen down enough to want to be free from it. I have lost a lot of friends because of this, but you know what...

Welcome to one of the most supportive, understanding and validating PTSD forums I have ever found! It's a wonderful place to hang out. Hope you see what I mean!!!

Why do I continue to self sabotage myself? What is wrong with me? I push people away so that I can isolate and be alone! I know this is unhealthy for me yet I continue to do it. When I feel like someone is getting to close to me relationship wise I have this strong desire to leave them before...

I think it is very brave that you posted here! Keep up the good work! We ALL deserve love!

Hi, I am new here, like maybe a few days new. I didn't know you. From what I have read from other members you sound pretty amazing! Welcome!

Very challenging! I'll never understand this.

I get that feeling too, that maybe people just don't give a damn. But... I will never be one of those people! I'm glad you are here. I'm happy to have found this site.

Oh yes, I have mixed emotions about my son being in the coast guard. My house is not the same without him. It doesn't feel like a home anymore. Although I am very proud of his choice to help keep us safe, it still hurts. He is my only child. I worry for his safety all the time.

Congratulations on doing the hard work needed to heal! I hope to be where you are someday.

Am I the only one who gets so much anxiety if I have to leave the safety of my house?

The example you have given makes it easier to understand! Thank you. I am trying to work my way through this and appreciate any knowledge you can share.

I understand now. I have realized that accepting what happened to me is difficult because I cannot believe how anyone can justify treating someone so horribly. There is no excuse for my abusers behavior. I knew it was wrong at 4 years old. I could feel it wasn't supposed to be this way. Why...

Sorry, I am still new at this posting! Just wanted to say that if you want to chat, we can!

I am very sad that this has happened to others. It was and is an awful way for anyone to be treated. I would not wish my life on anyone. Please know that I feel your pain. Sounds weird, I know! The family dog was treated better than me. There was constant chaos and violence. At 4 I watched my...

I completely understand what you are saying and where you are at in your recovery process. I only asked you what your definition of destroy was because I said the same thing! That letting myself cry, and letting it all out would cause me to destruct and retreat further away. My T asked me to...

I am stunned! Your post is very near to what I am feeling! I could have written this! Everything and I mean everything you have said describes my feelings, thoughts, perceptions and such. Right down to the fear of being left and abandoned. No one was ever there for me. And so I held everything...

What is your definition of destroy? How would it destroy you? Just wondering.

I take Xanax daily. It is prescribed for 1 to 1 1/2 pills in the morning and 2 at bedtime. It is also 1 mg. tablets. I started out taking .5 mg. about 2 years ago. In the last 8 months or so I started exposure therapy. My anxiety went sky high. I couldn't sleep or shut my brain off. I was riding...

I have never heard about the radical acceptance concept in DBT. Can you tell me a bit more?

Yes, EMDR was traumatizing for me. I tried very hard for 2 years to work through the trauma. I have severe trust issues and it takes me a very long time to get to the point where I trust people even just a little bit. EMDR left me dissociated, anxious and suicidal. I had to stop it.

I have gone through many forms of therapy including IOP. EMDR is another one I tried.

We are working on childhood traumas through guided imagery and exposure to the traumatic events. She also incorporates dbt and cbt.

:)Thank you for taking the time to reply!