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Hi, I am deeply sorry to read your story. I don't know if you like reading books about trauma, but my therapist mentioned this book about your type of abuse and thinks it is the best that is out there. Maybe it could help you: Dead Link Removed The title is Becoming Yourself. Overcoming Mind...

In my experience nobody who does not have it, gets it and I do not blame them as it is so beyond anything that 'normal' people have to deal with in their own lives. If I tell I have it, I do it without explaining. If they ask and want to know more, then it shows they are not afraid you have...

Maybe I have missed a part of your story, but I wonder why you are still in contact with toxic people? Don't waste your time, let them be ignorant, get the hell out.

I am an only child too. I attended 7 schools including ones abroad until I went to study. Almost never made friends as I was always saying goodbye within a few years. Imprisoned at home with the monsters, always alone. My dear budgie, my only friend, was handed over in cold blood to one of the...

Just know that you are not alone ok. Many of us here do not have the 'normal' Christmas experience with family, and it makes it a difficult time. Also realise that there are a lot of 'normal' family gatherings that seem like nice on the outside, but are plain disasters on the inside. Maybe we...

Please don't. She needs to be the mother to yourself. Until now the mother was externalised towards others, I believe you need to internalise the care and nurturing towards yourself. I guess this may only be possible once the process of mourning over having had no real caring mother in the past...

@shimmerz Thank you so much :happy:

I can relate to these feelings a lot. In my case these were related to what happened in bed to me as a baby, which were at least three attempts of murder, the last one I remembered quite recently and was so early in life that it nearly killed me. Since these memories are processed I no longer...

Thanks so much @Cj77 :hug::hug::hug: I like your new avatar! :)

Hi, I just read the newsletter of the latest topics on the board and I hope you do not refer to me Shimmerz. Overwhelmed and rock bottom, now hopefully things will get better. Simply no energy for anything else apart surviving. I am very sorry I could not write, but I am still hanging on. Take...

Agree 100% and have been thinking about the same dynamic; we simply share the same depth of hell.

Thank you for your introduction; I see you have quite made the rounds too :yuck: I will tell you mine even briefer; I have a borderline mother, who emotionally terrorised me from conception till I left home age 20, she also tried to strangle and drown me as a baby. I did 22 years of therapy/10...

I would not mind, but also hardly do social media. I told him my username on here, as the meaning of my username came up briefly in another context though. It is a matter of trust to me.

Yes process through therapy, especially a body oriented therapy would be helpful. Your body tells you that you have not moved on, and our brain does like to cover up our inner truth as a defense to the pain that is still there.

@Changeling I am really sorry for the situation you are in, it is painful to read. What type of therapy did your therapist do with you before the EMDR? Was that not working for you? How long are you working with this therapist? My therapist no longer uses EMDR for complex trauma as it is too...

I find you are quite harsh on yourself, and what came to my mind with regard to your questions is the dynamic of revictimization over which we have little control. Unconsciously you made yourself vulnerable, and missing those cues contributed to this. Already being a victim we often find...

Three things stick out to me; you feel very uncomfortable, previous poster has a great point with directing, and third after three months it sounds very early to go into the deepest trauma. You write "if someone took control and told me what to do" and is it not our shared trauma, the...

You write quite clear in these two sentences what the point exactly is. Your physical pain remembers you constantly of your emotional pain, as these are intricately linked in our brain. Once you would be able to start processing that emotional pain, it is my experience that the physical pain...

I believe there is a logical correlation between age and experience. My therapists in the past have always been older than me, and this was not on purpose, just by referrals that indicated those therapists to be very good. For the trauma work I found the gender of the therapist the most...

No problem at all. You are worthy enough, and so is what you write. These days there are online publishers who will publish for very little in case the big publishers will not be interested. Then you still have a book for you :) This is an example: http://www.blurb.com and you can still sell...

Yes please go back. It is ok to act out in therapy sometimes, and if your therapist is a professional, she will know how to put this into the right context for you in a way that you get more insight about yourself.

If you would be looking for a more scientific answer, this thread may interest you: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dogs-hijack-human-bonding-pathway.52829/

I just wondered why you started this thread under Discussion and not Diary? How can we give good or bad feedback on your life story? It is as it is, and great you want to write it down, just don't understand what you expect from us.

This is so humiliating, so SICK. Sadly, I am not sure if that is ever gonna happen. I suppose that the reason why he does not get it, could be multifold. How was your relationship before your diagnosis? Did he respect you then? Was he supportive of you then? He could have psychological issues...

Wow this is some slick interface! It was so cool to be online and witnessing going live! You people are amazing :)