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I still believe that! I am also convinced the sadness doesn't belong to me either. Sadness is a by product of their anger. It's not my burden to bear. I refuse to feel either. Or better said..linger there very long. ;) That is not avoidance.

IMO you have to grieve it out of your system. It's not really anger its grief. You have to acknowledge that first. Unaddressed deep sadness. Anger is a mask...the fear of feeling the grief. Anger hinders the grieving process. That is what sends my wine glasses airborne anyway...LOL

I agree with both of you. Anger is a useful tool to spring us into action. How it is used depends on the person. Anger can be benevolent or malevolent. Constructive or toxic. Oh I've thrown my share of wine glasses..;) Felt great! My point is after you work with and through anger you are...

Again..understanding powerlessness is key. The abusive ones get angry. That is what happened to my older siblings. Their anger caused my abuse and my younger brothers. Understanding the dynamics of dysfunction in no way requires you to have compassion for your abusers. My parents and siblings...

It could be a lot of things. It is possible you are about to experience repressed memories.

I wholeheartedly agree. Anger is the fear of facing a sad reality. A sad reality is a childhood enduring abusive parents/siblings. Acknowledging reality frees your heart from anger. :)

Absolutely! Understanding dysfunction prevents you from becoming angry. It is why we/I survived!! I agree with your belief any therapist who tries to get us angry rather than to a point of the dynamics that have led us to surviving a dysfunctional household and how that affects us now is...

You were upset you felt misunderstood? It sounds like their spiritual growth method indeed includes venting! 40 pages?! LOL No they don't get it. And most likely never will ...until they understand the valuable benefit venting provides in savings ones sanity. They didn't want a vent thread...

I had a T try the same thing. I found a new one. I suspect sadness is the cause for anger. Thank you for sharing Ghotiff! We are all human... Sounds like you have a caring husband and your children are learning the art of not taking things personally. That's a good day. Don't be hard on...

The Go-To files.

Why did you get angry?

Interesting fact...Pandabear posted this thread and in less than an hour...Josephraynor shows up. LOL

Justifying anger is still masking fear and pain. Understanding fear and pain releases anger. Understanding anger does NOT mean you condone it. It means you rise above it. You don't allow someone else's anger to bring you down. :)

My point is discovering the real problem. Anger is a mask for fear. Venting is a release before anger settles in and also can be a release of anger. It can be both. Neither being wrong. If everyone understood the differences..oh what a better world we would live in. :joyful: Rude people exist...

That is exactly what happens. Projection. They cannot separate their own feelings from what is actually being said. Sad really.

Ahh man..you were doing great. Next time allow your humor to kick in!!! The problem with venting is people take it personally. That's their problem. It's necessary to vent. What is the alternative?! LOL Yup... The last thing this world needs is more walking time bombs with unexpressed emotions...

You're adding words to what I said. Boo. ;) Venting isn't always about anger. Releasing negative energy is healthy. Life happens. Its better to vent it out instead of getting angry. Fine line but its there!

Anger is fear based. Anytime you find yourself angry and/or offended. Find your fear. People vent all the time. Its a healthy release. I vote vent away! Keeping in mind venting and anger are two different things..

No. I didn't get angry. I didn't have time! LOL I associate anger with ignorance. Our house was either silent or raging. My point is the opposite. I refused to feel anger. I associated it with "bad." Understanding they were/are stupid was and is a lifesaver. I experienced bewilderment by being...

Spot on!

Anger is a human emotion. It needs to be expressed. I was too afraid to show anger. I went the other way...fearless. (Fearless and terrified at the same time!) While it caused me more abuse. It was worth it. I hid in closets like everyone else. Out of sight out of mind. You never knew when they...

Very important! The cycle of abuse thrives on anger. My abuse had nothing to do with me. The idiots feed off each other. It wasn't my fault I was born. It is not my fault what I look like and God knows I didn't want to F the males in my family! Looking back...in some ways I probably should have...

Anger is like everything else. It can be healthy the same as it can be abusive. It is all about balance. Balance combined with intelligence determines the outcome. Anger is a healthy tool. Anger is pain. Pain that can be used for many worthy causes. As a child I found anger useless. And an...

If my abusers went to prison I hope they all share the same cell. LOL Humorous befitting justice! A meeting with them is pointless. They know who they are and what they have done. And not just to me. My grandpa is dead. What I wouldn't give to ask him one question! "The police don't listen to...

Amen Hashi.