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I, like so many here, am plagued by nightmares. So, I'd be grateful for a little more information. Even though, I'm confident my problem is not spiritual in nature. I will try anything that might help and poses zero/low risk. Just curious, how exactly is that supposed to work? Do you...

Oh, good. I am so glad that you are getting the support and help you need. I was so worried about you. Concerned that you might not have been believed or helped. Thank you for giving the update. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things go well at the trial. You are a very...

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Are finding that therapy is helping you? I only ask, because I've been in therapy off and on for over 20 years, with various professionals. For me though, this time feels different. As though I might actually get some real help. I think the biggest...

Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I kind of think that way, too. However, my psychologist seems to think I need to be gently pushed at this time. She has about 30 years experience. So, I'm going to trust her. Still, I plan on sharing this with her, because I feel so awful so much of the...

Thank you for your honest answer. Like you, I have been on the carousel of trying to seek help, retreat, seek help, retreat. However, this time is very different for me, because: 1. I think I actually am trusting the psychologist who I'm working with this time around. 2. I am actually...

Thank you for your response. Yes. I have very good trauma trained/experienced psychologist. She has the patience of Job. I've been resistant in the past to the real work, and she has put-up with so much of my bullsh*t. Also, she has helped me to understand that my past resistance was born...

You are so right. I'm so raw and exhausted that it is hard just doing the basics. For example, I am resisting with all of my might abusing myself. When these body memories invade me, I feel dirty, filthy, gross and have a tendency to compulsively over-wash and scrub the daylights out of my...

You were four-years-old when the abuse started. Your brain was "wired" to accept this abuse as normal/what to expect/how you should be treated. Basically, part of your development was arrested at age four. Please, try to understand that this early abuse literally changed your brain. It...

Thank you for responding. I journal most days, as well. I've also recently started writing poetry again, after not doing it for over 15 years. As far as paining, I'm not able to go there, yet. But I have been doodling and sketching. I listen to a lot of music and try to positively escape...

I can completely relate to what you've posted. It is unfair. All of it. It is unfair that we were abused as children when we should have been cared for and loved. It is unfair that because of the abuse our brains are now wired in such a way that normal life is a total challenge. It is so...

Thank you for your reply. I pray we will both find a way to do more than get through all of this. I hope we will find true healing, and be able to actually enjoy life in a way we never have been able to before this. By the way, you probably are not nearly as screwed-up as you think/feel...

Thank you for your response. I wish I could have a cat again, but somehow I've grown severely allergic to them. ? There is no possibility of me being able to not listen to my body when it's in this state. I'm doing the best I can to take care of myself, but at times even the simple things...

Usually being outside, any where in nature. As long as the weather cooperates. Sometimes, when I exercise. Sometimes driving my car aimlessly and singing along with the radio. Right now, though, this horrible insomnia, nightmare, flashback, body memory mess I'm in reminds me very much that I...

I feel so heartbroken for you. You opened yourself up to her in the hopes of finding healing and she totally wrecked the trust you put in her. Such a terrible violation. I understand you are an adult, but she is supposed to be the professional. You are working on some stuff that seriously...

Clearly, being "hit-on" is a trigger, and as a result your body reacted. I don't think this is necessarily a body memory; just my opinion, take it for what it's worth. Whenever I experience a trigger, my body reacts. I have had a tendency to freeze during assaults. So, when I get triggered...

I'm not sure about society as a whole, but overall my disclosure of my CSA to individuals has been retraumatizing. I waited to tell anyone for four years. I decided to tell my mother, because I needed help. Unfortunately, she didn't believe me, asked horrible questions that made me feel to...

I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel (and hoping I'm not headed toward an on-coming train). I was strangled and raped when I was 12-years-old. For a variety of reasons, I have not been able to get the help I have needed, until recently. I am seeing a psychologist that I am...

Sorry. I forgot to answer your question. It makes complete sense that the word rape would be a trigger for you. Your response is very normal, give the abuse you experienced.

You were under 18 years if age, so you experienced childhood sexual assault (CSA). If you were penetrated (somthing was inserted into your mouth, vagina, or anus), then you were raped. These are technical definitions. Really, that doesn't matter, though. You, a child, experienced trauma at...

Does not matter what the law states, you were in fact sexually assaulted... manually raped, to be more to the point. Your classmate obviously was reacting to being sexually abused himself. The whole situation is so heartbreaking. If you haven't already, I hope you will seek help to work...

I can't believe I am posting this, but I am. The one and only time I have ever had an orgasm was whilst I was being raped. I was 12-years-old at the time. So, I had absolutely no idea what was happening in the moment. Sadly, I realized it when I was about to orgasm with my (at the time)...

Well, I completely understand why you are feeling disgusted by sex. It seems as though every sexual experience you've had has been abusive. You say the sex with your brother was consensual, but in reality it is what professionals call being "abuse reactive." It was your developing mind's way...

Please, understand this: If it had been safe for you to tell, if you could have, then you would have told. You were groomed from a young age to believe the abuse was normal, and to accept that you deserved it. Even after you realized it wasn't part of most childhoods, you were still under...

What I am writing may not be a popular answer, but it is an honest one, based in reality. Only you know your mother and family. Therefore, only you know if it is worth the risk to open-up to them. Not all parents are supportive, some blame their innocent child and further add to the trauma...

None, and I repeat none, of what happened was your fault, not in the least. (I know it is very difficult to accept this truth; I still struggle with it at times). You did your absolute best to manage a completely unimaginable situation. As you said yourself... He is your uncle. Hello, who...