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Mine is in full blown isolation. Like not even responding to texts. From what I read it seems pretty common for them to isolate.

I'm just so worried. I've seen him bad but never like this. And I know the death was probably what pushed him over the edge. I don't even know how to try anymore. It seems like the more I offer support, the more distant he gets. And when we discuss things I don't really point out the behavior...

A coworker about two months ago yeah. And it's not so much the "I don't want to be happy " it's the progrssion I'm seeing. He's never said he didn't want to be happy. He's said he didn't think he could. But now he doesn't want it. It just seems like he's getting deeper and deeper.

Yeah. And it's not even so much about the relationship at this point. I'm watching him self destruct and it's hard. He's self medicating with alcohol. Any time I say ANYTHING to him. He comes back with why are you trying to fix me! I just said what are you doing this weekend? If our...

I think the last part is what's going on now. Total overflow breakdown. He's progressed into total isolation from me. And maybe other. I don't know because he shut me out so I can't see others. I don't want to be the cause of more stress and right now. And it seems no matter what I chose...

OK. He's isolating. More than he ever has. To the point I don't even know if we're still together. But it's almost like he is just existing. I text him yesterday. He responded with one word and not again. I don't know what to do. Do I let him isolate? Do I back off but send random texts every...

Is it not possible to have both? Personal accomplishments and someone to share it with? I know you only know you, but I think you may have a similar mindset because I can hear him saying what you have. He will tell me he's not pushing me away on purpose. But his job is his priority. I get...

So it's more of the fear of when the happiness goes away? Because nothing lasts forever?

We can all help each other here. And I know happy doesn't just happen. But it has no chance of happening if you push away any chance of it.

I can see that. I'm trying to understand. To me happy would help, but I know it's a different mindset. So it's hard for me to relate. And I'm trying.

He has said he's afraid of getting hurt

Oh I definitely see self esteem issues. Combat vet. Now a cop. He has had friends die. So maybe a mixture of all that.

I feel the exact same. I even told him I felt he didn't care and why. And he was like why did you say that. Like he didn't understand why I'm hurt. He can't see his behaviour. It's hard.

I hope mine gets done soon too. Isolation hurts everyone. It's and them.

We've had lots of relationship issues with him pushing me away. The other day I asked him "do you not want to be happy", and he said no. He doesn't care if he's happy. All he wants is his job. But he said he's not pushing me away on purpose. I haven't heard from him since Saturday. Why would he...

Things do get better. With the correct treatment. People do care. Even if you can't see it.

Find a dr that listens. You may have to try 10 but keep looking.

I write out what I want to say to him but never send it.

No. It doesn't get more natural. I still have no idea what to do. Or if he needs space or me to check up. No matter what I do, it seems like its the wrong choice.

Yeah. I tried to break it off..... AGAIN and yet again, he made excuses so I wouldn't leave. This time he told me he was depressed. As in situational depression. And that's what's causing the distance. So of course I can't say oh well, I'm still done. He sucked me right back in. But he...

I'm sorry. I don't know the backstory but I know breakups are hell.

Honestly I tried to end it last night due to the lack of attention. He was like "did you not realize I'm depressed"! I asked him about help, he still refuses to get help. So I told him I missed him and haven't heard from him after that.

Yeah. Mine doesn't say stuff like that, but will get annoyed when I say something about his actions. Like I will ask if he doesn't want to see me. And he will be like if I didn't I would tell you. So you're saying you do want to see me, but you just won't do it? Then he starts in about I need...

His issues are he refuses to get help. He says he can fix himself. I try to walk away, but he sucks me back in. I know it's not healthy for me. But I can't seem to force myself yo leave.

But I'm not asking about the push pull thing. I'm not doing any push/pull right now. The only thing I was asking about is what I put in my OP.