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And, I just realized, you asked specifically about fidelity. That crosses my mind too. We started online. It would be easy for him to do it again. I have to trust he isn't, but at the same time, prepare that he is.

A timely post for me. Right now? I can't trust anything he says. When relaxed and left to his own devices, I'm "Babe," and we're "Waka and Beedie" (our pet names), and he wants to do stuff with me. He sends me funny notes and pictures, all after I told him what that means to me, and he said...

Yup. Counseling dropped another bomb. Apparently we had different conversations on Friday - "I never said I would consider changing my mind, I'm done." The "wait until June to decide," was actually waiting if we're "going our separate ways," rather than continuing to live in the same house, as...

I feel your pain, caligirl. I'm at almost the exact same point - he desperately needs to get help, but has convinced himself he doesn't need it. He says "This is who I am, I'm a loner, I'm angry," after a weekend of the loving, caring guy I know, with none of the angry loner around. I even heard...

Mind reading was a thing, ya know? Being able to just *know* the truth of the matter, without having to talk it out or try to negotiate through the quagmire of mental illness. I would love to be able to inject into my husband's head that I'm not his enemy, and that there are SO MANY people out...

Oh I don't know if he's come around yet. But there is at least a tiny glimmer of hope now. Our counseling sessions are always a complete unknown for me - he'll be almost "normal" the day before, and the during counseling the next day, drop a hammer. And he is also likely to see his relaxation...

Rhondainlove - something else to keep in mind - keep living your life. Find your own therapist if you need to, keep up your hobbies and friends, find more hobbies and friends, and just keep living. The only thing that will get you through this is you. And remember: It's not you, it's him, and...

An update on hubby and I. After a pretty tense couple of days, maybe some positive? After he declared on Tuesday he's done, I gave him exactly what he wanted, his space. I did not initiate conversations with him, didn't pester him for anything, no good night or good bye or hello unless he was...

I'll reiterate the yes! Take care of you! Go back to Al-Anon, maybe find a therapist for yourself, who knows PTSD and the effects it has on families and loved ones, and make sure you are taking care of your own needs. I find myself doing the cleaning thing too when I'm in a particularly...

Here's a conundrum for me. Husband obviously has untreated PTSD. He's been formally diagnosed, probably in his 20s? And again now, with our current marriage counselor. He pushes his family (sister and a half-brother and half-sister) and children (three kids, two grown and one a senior in high...

It took our marriage counselor calling his behavior "abuse" for me to finally accept that, yes, PTSD or not, abuse is still abuse. He's never hit me, but through everything, even knowing there was "something" but not having the name for it yet, there was that red flag saying "this is mental and...

I wasn't given a roadmap to my husband's landmines, so I had no idea what was there. He would never tell me when he was triggered, so I had no idea until recently. Pointing out commitment is a big one for him - IE, "We're in this together," "You promised me," etc. Means nothing to him but...

Something our (my and hub's) counselor, as well as my own, personal counselor, have reiterated over and over - even though *I* was his trigger, it is literally not about me. He says it is, but it really is not. It is him, and his demon. If I hadn't don't or said the thing that did trigger him...

I only moved him out of the bedroom because I need a space just for me. His clothes were still in there, and he was making no moves to do it on his own. It was definitely a self-care thing for me. I will be moving out of the house because, well, I can't afford it. We rent, so it's not a loss for...

Well, hubs has decided he's done. It's "absolutely me, not PTSD" deciding this. He told me in our couples counseling today, after a pretty good weekend of just being relaxed and together when we wanted, apart when he needed. He just can't, wants to be alone. I appealed to his logic (since that's...

My sufferer's current episode is the first since we've been together where he's trying to physically isolate. Looking back, he's mentally isolated a lot, I just thought it was him being an ass. We're lucky in that we don't have kids and we have a spare bedroom, so he's sleeping in the spare...

(And by CPTSD I mean childhood...or would that be cPTSD? - anyway, not to be confused with COMBAT PTSD)

I get it. I know, intellectually, that all *flails hands around* this is directly and indirectly caused by his CPTSD, it's offshoots of anxiety and depression, and his lack of dealing with it for 30-odd years. I was merely a trigger. But then I think...well...he's right. I DIDN'T listen to him...

I'm glad we can all admit our roles in the downfall of society. :P Our current crisis involves a lot of vilifying - everything has always been wrong, forever, and it's all my fault. Because I wouldn't listen to him about x, y, and/or z. And our relationship isn't even worth salvaging because I...

Good point. It can be confusing (especially when I'm so new at the hows and whys...7 year old relationship, and just now learning, oy). There is a difference between willfully telling something that is not true, and telling his own, skewed perspective, at that moment. There is a difference (to...

Amen. I'll take a dark and stormy, to match my holidays. Went to Iowa to be with my mom for two weeks, after my daddy died, and was told, the day before Christmas Eve, he wasn't sure he loved me anymore. So yeah. The one time I need support from my husband, and I get that. Mom and I made the...

I know, the holidays are over, but mine were suck-tastic, so better late than never? My advice? Create your own traditions. Cut out whatever causes stress, but still insist on your own needs being met. I love the lights and tree - husband hates "everything" about the holidays, but is willing to...

Believe me, you're not alone. I can be a patient person, but there are times I can (and do!) demand that my own needs, desires, and wants be taken into consideration, dammit! I've only really deeply delved down the PTSD learning hole the last month or so, and...it's a lot to take in. I'm lucky...

My sufferer, because of the nature of his childhood trauma, will lie as a response, just to get away from the situation. Say whatever it takes to make the stress end. A lot of times he doesn't realize he's doing it until called on it later.

Ha, yeah, I know, it was a wall of text. I might move it to the diary section, to be honest. Thank you for feedback, boodle. :)