Relationship My Heart Is Breaking

[Rhondainlove]

Hi my name is Rhonda. I am in love with a combat vet with PTSD. We met a couple of months ago and we fell in love at first sight. He says the song by Kenny Chesney "You had me at Hello", describes our love. He was one of the most amazing men I have ever met. So loving, so open, so wonderful. I was married for almost 30 years before I met him and it was a bad marriage. So when I met him it was as if god sent me an angel. He was in a VA facility when we met getting treatment for his PTSD, he let me read his journal the first night of our first date. So I knew what he was going thru. We fell head over heels in love right away. I went to his hometown on Christmas to be with him and to become a member of his family and life. I have moved in with him since then and our life together has begun. Now comes the hard part, the part of his life I never expected. The drinking, the quietness, the feeling of being alone in this relationship. We use to talk about the day we would make love. It came with help from a pill. And I am ok with that, but what has happened since is where I am having problems with. He know longer wants to kiss me, or touch me, and now I feel ugly and undesirable. He says its him and not being able to feel sexual because of the PTSD. I know he loves me, and I know he wants our life, but the coldness I feel inside is overwhelming sometimes. What should I do? I dont want to loose him, but I also want the man I met and the man who was so affectionate before we moved in together.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Hi there,

What you're experiencing right now is typical of a relationship with someone suffering from PTSD. There is a lot of threads on here with a similar story so I urge you to read them.

It seems like everything has moved fairly fast with you and your significant other, this is part and parcel of the problem when dating someone with ptsd. People often describe the beginning honeymoon phase as euphoric, never met anyone like it, so in love etc. Which is true, it probably was beautiful but it's also heart wrenching when ptsd does rear is ugly head. The honeymoon phase happens in every relationship and little by little habits and behaviours appear to each other that we're masked by the happiness in the beginning. With ptsd it's multiplied, it's a shock and it hurts but ptsd isn't a personal attack on you, he is simply struggling to much that he doesn't have the capacity to care right now.

If he has seeked treatment before then this is a good sign, is he still in therapy? In my experience ptsd is a lifelong battle and therapy needs to be a constant presence. I would also urge you to buy books and read as much as you can on PTSD, I've read a fair few books and some more war specific so I can understand a fraction of what my friend is going through.

Try, the ptsd relationship, or when someone you love suffers from ptsd or once a warrior always a warrior. These will help understand your boyfriend and why he is going through what he's going through.

Sending hugs :hug:

 

[A13]

I am right here going through the exact same love story!!!
Go and read my last post, I can guarantee you can relate to almost all of it.

It's not easy, I can understand .. you feel unloved, unappreciated, unattractive.

It's such a hard place to be!!! I know. I'm going through the same struggle as we speak!!!
I'm here if you ever need to just blow off some steam!!

 

[boodle]

Hi my name is Rhonda. I am in love with a combat vet with PTSD. We met a couple of months ago and...

Hi @Rhondainlove You describe exactly what happened to me too. @Newtoptsd put it very well in her post so I can't really add to that.
However, I just want to say you are not alone, this forum in a great place for support, the people here are wonderful. Take care

 

[Mon15]

There are a lot of forums on here that will help you feel better about yourself, for sure!

My thoughts and prayers are with you. My S/O also suffers from Combat PTSD and from what I've read, it seems to be a different ball game, but somewhat the same with isolation, push/push, etc. I found myself coming to this site a year ago and once I was told from him of the PTSD, it has helped me get a grasp on my feelings and the shutouts. Luckily for now, they come once a year (the month of December) and once he explodes, I don't hear from him for a couple of weeks. This time, I don't know if/when I'll hear from him considering we mended (probably too soon) and then boom, he can't do it anymore... It's definitely a roller coaster ride, so if you can be strong and handle this and you love your S/O, the wait is worth it. :hug:

 

[Rhondainlove]

Thank you all for the support. I want to be there for Doug, and love him unconditionally. But I spend so much time alone while he sleeps or just sits quietly. I am a very loving and affectionate person so being in love with someone I dont reconize now is so hard. I am so glad to have this type of place to talk to someone who feels the same as I do. I cant talk to my family and friends because they just dont understand. They see him as a fun loving man, like the man I first met. When he is drinking I see my Doug coming back. Which doesnt make since to me because when we met he was sober and loving. But I am hoping to find some answers. Thank you all again.

 

[grimalkin]

Rhondainlove - something else to keep in mind - keep living your life. Find your own therapist if you need to, keep up your hobbies and friends, find more hobbies and friends, and just keep living. The only thing that will get you through this is you.

And remember: It's not you, it's him, and his relationship with PTSD.