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Oh good! I hope it goes well!

I echo everyone's words. For me - telling my T everything was excruciating, but we wouldn't be able to really do the work on how my abuse makes me feel - dirty, broken, etc - because when he tells me/reminds me that it doesn't make me those things - I know he is saying it from a place of...

Yes! You do. He sounds INCREDIBLY supportive, which is awesome. I encourage you to keep trusting him, despite the fear.

Whoah. I just felt like your wording could have been given some "excuses" for why she shouldn't have to give it up or to place the responsibility on the therapist to be the alternative. Which neither are really fair to the OP, because I don't think they are realistic. I think that building...

I agree with you that it needs to be your own decision, but to say that there would be "an emergency situation comes up and you need to cut or whatever you do" - is wholly inaccurate. There is never a "need" to do that. There is a want, a desire, a perceived need, but there is not an actual need...

@FauxLiz I think that is wise - let us know how it goes....

yes, that is probably a good idea...

Oh! Now I got it - sorry! Yes, I mean my work quality. I am a bit of a perfectionist, but there are times that I spend literally hours ruminating on something, which leads me spend time searching online for answers or to just validate my pain/situation.

What do you mean? Sorry....I am feeling a bit dumb this morning....

Good questions.... It is helpful to get support - which I am doing now. In terms of my work face - I am not sure if I just need to employ that whole "fake it til you make it" rountine and power through? Although I find that exhausting in itself. Rumination is hard - but I think I need to just...

Life is hard. I feel emotionally overwhelmed, so putting on my "work face" is challenging. I also have been really struggling with rumination - so I don't feel like my work has been productive.

I am so busy, I love my job, but I have so many days where I feel like I have to convince myself over and over to come.....

I agree with @UnicornSightings - my T has been so understanding when I make mistakes. I would suggest that you email again - apologize for how you handled it, and communicate what you need to now that you are in a less emotional frame of mind - make sense? I think it is also fair to put your...

@ladee yes, you are right. Thanks for the extra support, it is really helpful.

@ladee thank you for the support. I had a good conversation with my T about it today, and he was very firm that it would be terrible for me and my progress. He did suggest that I do it in his office on Friday..... But undecided right now if I will do that, it just feels awkward....

@lostforgottensoul yes, thank you that is helpful @ladee thanks for validating my experience. I plan to talk to T about it tomorrow AM - I do need to keep telling myself that I am not responsible for them, but really for myself.

My parents moved to another state about two and a half years ago. It has been really, really good for me and being able to start healing from my past. I have worked really hard at certain boundaries, I don't call very much, just for my own protection of my emotional well-being and healing...

Thanks @Hopefully (hugs)

Mother's Day is hard for a variety of reasons. First - my mom was emotional abusive to me, and even now can be very manipulative. It is hard to hear so much about people's Moms and how loved they felt. It is also hard because I have had 5 miscarriages. It can be a painful reminder of what I...

Thank you @Hopefully and @recoveringfromptsd - your words have been really helpful and validating to me. I agree with what you have both said about finding the right words for now that don't feel so debilitating - I just wish my brain would agree right now and stop obsessing and ruminating on...

@Hopefully I think it's just those words are so real. There is no escaping what they mean. But when I mask it, gloss over it, not use the "real" words, then I can hide from it I guess.

@Deadman - I have spent a lot of time minimizing, saying it's not a big deal, and also only being able to refer to it (outside of this forum) as "the thing" - so maybe I am just trying to work on calling it for what it was?

@Friday I think I may be reading in to your post - or not quite finding the right inflection/tone when I am reading. Are you saying that when I describe it as oral sex or using objects - that's actually not true - but it is actually rape?

I was sexually abused as a young child by older boys. Recently my brain has been so insistent on the words - sexual abuse, molestation, and rape.... The last one is really hard for me. Because there was no actual intercourse - but rather using objects and oral sex. It just feels so wrong to...

I have experienced this as well. I actually just asked my T - what are you doing "over there" while I am freaking out. And he explained what he was doing/thinking about. That was really helpful to me. As we have gone on, it feels less like he is watching me, and more like he is in it with me. I...