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What you are going through is terribly hard. Complex PTSD is no joke. Your story is a reflection of a journal entry I wrote about myself a day or two ago. It's called Damaged, Defective, and Dangerous. The gist of it is that because of abuse I am damaged in my soul, defective in my ability to...

The unknown is the hardest part to deal with, isn't it? I struggle with this a lot. I'm just barely coming out of 6 years of being completely debilitated by PTSD on 100% VA Disability and self isolated in my home for way too long. Of course, I would love to be as advanced in my recovery as...

You are welcome. I lived 6 years in that state of never being happy, but also in completely debilitating depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc. It was 24/7/365 torment. I thought I was going to white knuckle my way through the rest of my life. Then something changed. I decided I could not accept...

Hello @RussellSue, Holy moly! You are going through a ton of crap! And it stinks. I'd be pissed off and venting a little too. I hate it when people can't see past their own pet peeves to the pain and shame they are inflicting on others. At a gut level, my reaction is similar to your mom's...

Hello @whiteraven, As I was reading your post, I was thinking "white coat syndrome." Then you wrote that your doctor said it. I chuckled. My mom has the same thing. Doctors are a funny lot. I've experienced what you are experiencing. I finally adopted a, "it's MY body" attitude. They can...

Hello @Ruining, You've been through a lot! And you've taken a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. I'm sure your central nervous system is a mess. Trauma is so very hard on us. People who have not been through it cannot understand. Heck, half the battle for us is that we don't...

Hello Digz, Thank you for sharing your pain and struggle. It helps me to think about an automatic thought that shaped much of my life. I see how it affected me in the past and wonder if it is still driving me in some ways today. My thought was, "It's my fault." When confrontation happens...

Damaged, Defective and Dangerous After having spent 12 years under abusive rearing, 18 years in an abusive spiritual group, and 12 years in an abusive marriage, and 6 years in near total isolation, I’ve been giving some thought lately to relationship. There are different levels of relationship...

Th Thanks for the info. I will look into it.

Hello @Survivor3. Thank you for welcoming me. I am sorry that you can relate to me! But glad to have someone to relate with. Thanks for your best wishes and same right back to you. I hope you have as good a day as possible.

Hiya RussellSue. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm so sorry that you also have cPTSD and GAD. What a bugger, as evidenced by the severe disability you encountered for so many years. Ugh! Thank you for sharing that, though it took much time, your life is indeed improving. That is encouraging...

Thanks Kittie, I appreciate your warm welcome and kind, encouraging words. Like yourself, I wasn't able to glean much benefit from therapy or even medications in the first 6 years of my debilitating response to 2 decades (or more) of trauma. I was just too raw and sensitive. I tried some...