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Yeah, I think I mistook her wanting a supply for her caring. I completely understand the emotion in your posts - I think I've found that hard to articulate sometimes... the amount of podcasts and blogs and books and forums I've engaged with... She doesn't 'owe' me anything for that of course...

Yeah, I will do! 😊

Thank you so much. Yeah, I'd give anything to go back and not meet her. You're right, I have no intention of being a victim. I absolutely hate this, but I want to get the balance right between taking time to hurt in a healthy way; and not wallowing too much. It can be hard. I don't...

Well, I absolutely cannot - CANNOT - believe that I got myself into this situation. There's a silver lining though - I was worried it was me that wasn't good enough for her... and I thought this guy would be perfect in some way. I'd never dismiss or undermine someone who disclosed abuse to me...

(I didn't mean 'twenty texts again', I just meant twenty texts period!)

Her new boyfriend called and threatened me today. I haven’t sent her twenty texts again - I text twice the day I saw them together, and when she replied, I messaged to let her know that I was hurt. I didn’t message for three days. Yesterday, I messaged her to tell her I was closing the door...

I can well imagine that! I hope I’m able to be as tenacious with it as you were. Right now, I think I will be - this has been a huge wake up call. I’m already looking for a really good therapist who can help support the process. The thing I struggle with just a little - and it doesn’t change...

That's exactly how I've felt. It's hit me right in the absolute bottom of my gut. It's such a strange feeling... I can feel the depth of it in parts of me that I haven't even been aware of for absolutely years. I feel like that sounds weird, but it's just what I'm experiencing. But as I...

Thank you - I appreciate the affirmation and also the challenge. I know, too. This has maybe been one of the worst things I think I've gone through. Maybe not on paper, but it's just been such a mess. But yes - I have allowed it to happen, and yes I have internalised too much of it. I feel...

Ha! That sounds annoying (having to change number etc). Yeah, I'd have loved to keep a low-level friendship, but it's hard - they've still been going 'no contact' then coming back for a bit, then going without warning. It's just enough to keep them on my mind and guessing where we're actually...

Yeah, I hear this. Jeez, I was very upset when I wrote my posts earlier - I think I'm finally confronting what it was, and facing up to it properly. It's not easy, it really hurts actually. But yeah... I wish it didn't have to come to me blocking her, because it's not what I want. I want us...

Yeah, it's definitely reached the end of the line now, and now I can start to grieve it properly. It was hard, because it initially ended because I wanted to spend Christmas with my family (she wanted me to go to their family). We'd been together six months at that point. From there, it felt...

Sufferers need to manage their triggers because of the impact on themselves and others. But that doesn't mean they can't find a safe space to share and make sense of their experiences. That's what I'm doing here. The weight of this situation has hit me this weekend in a way that it hasn't...

I'll reply to these posts properly when I'm home, but I'll just express this quickly - The reason I think about her with that other guy, is that if it works out with them, I feel like everything she said about me is true. And that it justifies all of her words, and many of her actions...

Thank you - I probably need to hear this! I already did let her know that I was doing it, and gave her a couple of days while I’m in her city in case she wants to talk about anything. Yup - I’m a rookie at this, and clearly kind of stupid. I will block everything on Sunday if I haven’t heard...

That’s helpful to know, thanks! I feel like she’s under my skin somewhere and it’s hard to get her out. And y’know, I still find it hard to admit that she really was abusive… because how could that happen to me, and isn’t it a bit extreme to say it was that bad? And maybe it’s just that I was...

Thank you - you're right :) It doesn't help just at this moment, and I can't stand the fact that I look like I'm just annoyed with her for having a boyfriend (because I think she'll see it that way). The burning sense of injustice is one of the worst things about it. But... in time, I guess...!

Yeah, everyone around me said exactly the same thing. Why the hell did I go there? Jeez… I’m lying in bed having barely slept, and I’ve got an eight hour course to go to now. Ought to be fun…!!

Yeah, but the worst thing is the sense of disconnect between all of the things they said… and all of the things I started to feel… and all of the energy spent trying to be good for them… and all of the times they talked about wanting to be there for me on this absurdly deep level… and then the...

I saw my ex holding hands with another guy today. She’s allowed to - she’s allowed to move on, she’s my ex. But what hurts is… she told me the intimate details of her abuse, she cried with me for hours, I held her long into the night… she always accused me of ‘finding things easy while she was...

Can chemical intoxication cause memories to go unremembered for years, as far as we know at the moment?

Thanks for sharing that! So - would it be like falling asleep, almost? Things go blank and then you come around wondering how you behaved? This is a really helpful perspective. In your examples, are you indicating that it's 'anger which drives you towards a positive outcome', for you? Yeah -...

I happened to be at my laptop when your comment came in, so I'll reply quickly now - but no pressure to respond equally as quickly (or at all)! Thanks for the reply, and for your openness about your condition etc. You're completely right, and it's a really helpful perspective to keep hold of...

I did, but I flexed A LOT. Partly that's because I took their lead on how to be with them, and thought I had to 'not trigger their cptsd'; partly that's because I hadn't thought through a strong approach to boundaries, and a lot of it was that I was behaving codependently (and had been in some...

I agree with this - but consistency is key too, and strong lurches between "this wasn't a boundary last week, but it is this week [but I didn't tell you that beforehand] and now I'm not talking to you" is sort of crazy making. They have to be clear, predictable and consistent - otherwise a...