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I haven't told anyone but my wife and my therapist. My parents just think I'm mentally ill, they don't know its trauma.

I do have a therapist, a good one, who knows how to handle me. I was a dysfunctional wreck when I started therapy; now I'm a functioning adult, even though I have flashbacks, anxiety, and occasional suicidal thoughts. I would have lost my mind without her. A good therapist is hard to find, and I...

That's very insightful and helpful. Much appreciated. Brenton

I have trust issues with men, so can't do a male therapist, just can't. But, I also have mommy issues so I latch on, like I am now, total transferrence, loving her like she was my own mother, painful separation anxiety when sessions are over, or she's on vacation.

I wrote my first novel during a nervous breakdown, and my 2nd one is in the midst of the fallout from that period. The first book started out as a suicide note, but became a story (fiction) which is closely based on me and where I was at the time. It got good reviews, especially from abuse...

I'm a horrible father to my young self; I can relate. I wouldn't treat a child like I treat myself, but I'm not comfortable any other way. I get uneasy when anyone, even me, tries to love me. My walls are high and thick. Brenton

I can do this yet. Its too painful for me to even acknowledge my young self. The few times I tried I had a meltdown. I'm too guarded and have a hard time with vulnerability. I abandoned my young self decades ago and cannot relax unless I'm tranquilized. I stuff my emotions deep inside me...

I agree. It has to come from within, because I'm never going to have it.

Hi everyone I've been having flashbacks and have been in a triggered state since Sunday, more feelings than memories, but I am having memories. I want to curl into a ball and disappear. I won't, but I'm not okay today. One way my sexual abuse and abandonment has manifest itself in my life is...

I have flashbacks and incomplete memories. I can't tell what actually happened and what didn't, or I know it happened but can't remember all of it. I have a flashback, from when I was a child, but I can't see the man's face. I've been having flashbacks all day and I'm trying not to curl into a ball.

I also have a hard time standing up for myself. I let people walk all over me. I don't know how to say no.

Part of it is how we learn, or are taught, to blame ourselves. And then there's the secrets, which keep us from having completely open relationships. I finally told my wife about me being molested after 12 years of marriage. I had to, I need her to know that my sadness and rage wasn't because of...

WOW! I can relate. I've always taken care of myself, picked up he slack of irresponsible adults. I know I have to do for myself, but I resent it sometimes. I just want to be someone's son, just once.

I can relate, truly. Not being protected is a big void in one's development

Thank you, that's very insightful and good to know someone understands. You're right, kids cant accept that mom and dad arent perfect. If mom and dad are wrong, the world doesnt make sense.

Hi all I've read a lot of people express their anger and I applaud them. I'm not there yet. I still can't completely put the blame where it belongs, and still turn it inward, including the blame. Its easier for me to see myself as a bad child than to accept that I had bad parents. I can say they...

I really feel your pain, I do. I know how that feels, I went thru something similar, and the anger toward the people who were supposed to protect us but didnt can be consuming. I'm happy for you that you can express it and put the anger where it belongs. I still turn mine inward.

You should turn that into a short story. I did, with a similar situation in my life, and it turned into my first published novel. Expression helps, keep writing your feelings out, don't hold them in.

Its a response to things that happened, not a chemical imbalance like bi-polar. There was an injury that lead to it, but I think PTSD is more of a reaction to the injury, like a scar. Treating the injury and dealing with the scar are different processes. Excellent question

I have to pretend I'm okay a lot of the time, when I am not. Its like wearing a lead suit. I have a hard time leaving the house. My work lets me stay home a lot, but I still have to get out there sometimes, and I hate having to act like I'm fine, especially around family, who have little idea...

I do. It helps with the anger. I just don't do it in public, dont want to subject strangers to my moods.

A mix of no choice, need money, and I use my mental states as creative energy for my career as a novelist. I stopped writing for magazines and started writing fiction that allows me to express my thoughts and feelings through the characters. I know how you feel, me too. I have days when I don't...

It could happen, especially if you're not focused on your surroundings. My earlier trauma came to the surface after a car accident. I don't have trauma from the accident, the accident triggered memories I buried both consciously and unconsciously.

Decades later, triggered by a bad car crash. I was sort of okay, at least better than I am now. Its like hitting my head shook everything loose. I still can't remember everything, and I dont know if I want to. This is an excellent question.

I keep my PTSD a carefully guarded secret. Not big on the trust department, plus how people treat you once they find out.