Childhood Abusing My Inner Child

[Melp283]

My T told me yesterday that I should let my inner child feel what she feels without harassing her for her feelings. Telling her she shouldn't feel that way or that she is weak for feeling anything at all when triggered.

I had a revelation today as I looked at a picture of a coworkers newborn.
I realized that I abuse myself on a daily basis. I would never treat my child (if I ever have one) the way I treat myself.

I would make sure she ate 3 good meals a day, had clean clothes to wear, enjoyed every moment of playtime, and gets plenty of exercise. I would never put her down, starve her, or burn her.

Why can't I do this for myself, I asked?

So, starting today, I am pretending that I have a little girl named Mel. I will treat her the way I was never treated as a child.

If I can do this for her, I will do it for myself.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Making that connection with the inner child is so inportant, all a small child wants in life is to be cared for and protected from the evil life has to hurt them with. They crave the confort of a parents embrace and to be allowed to grow, in a safe and secure environment under that protection of the parent.

Identifying with the Inner child helps us relate better with the emotions that child has to endure and suffer in the event of trauma.

Permitting that Inner child to grow and blossom in safety can further help release ourselves when we have the knowledge and satisfaction that we care for them and that we are there for them whenever, unconditionally.

I totally understand the struggle with the Inner Child and send a :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

My T told me yesterday that I should let my inner child feel what she feels without harassing her for her feelings. Telling her she shouldn't feel that way or that she is weak for feeling anything at all when triggered.

I don't really get the IC stuff but oddly I identify with that.

:hug: for you.

 

[WillyKat]

Yay!

If you don't mind, I'll take the same pledge. I demand an awful lot from him, and I shouldn't.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Here's one for you - my first T told me that I was taking up where my mother left off in abusing myself. Not very helpful without direction. Thanks for your insights as I never thought about this as reaching my inner child, but just the adult me who is an absolute failure in her eyes. Work to do. Thank you though for your thought provoking post; you are right. I do love my little one, but know that I don't invest enough in her. Chava told me that I need to work on "regulation" in therapy, and I think that might be correct in order to move forward. I hope I find a good guide in this regard. VB

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I really like how you wrote your post. It is important to realize that about how you treat your own inner child versus how you would treat a child outside of you. I hope that you meet with success on this pledge to treat Mel and yourself with care.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for starting this post, it has really given me something to think about :)

 

[The Albatross]

My inner child has stopped screaming. Now she is quiet. I haven't really learned much about the "grow and blossom" part. I do though trust myself a good deal more.

 

[moonbeam]

That is a really interesting thought and a very good pledge to make. I sincerely hope it goes well for you!

I really like this thread. Its given me a lot to think on.

 

[Brenton]

My T told me yesterday that I should let my inner child feel what she feels without harassing her for he...

I'm a horrible father to my young self; I can relate. I wouldn't treat a child like I treat myself, but I'm not comfortable any other way. I get uneasy when anyone, even me, tries to love me. My walls are high and thick.
Brenton

 

[Sideways]

@Brenton - I have a lot of trouble making peace with my inner child as well, let alone treating her kindly. When I'm having a good day and feeling all mushy and Go Recovery!, I can muster up the energy to just wishing she didn't exist. But I've got to learn some compassion for the little mole at some point, right?

One of the exercises I was given ages ago, which was helpful enough that I still do it occasionally, was to pull out photos of myself when I was that age - the age when I was being abused. The purpose is to be able to see that what you're looking at is just a kid, same as every other kid, needs all the same good things that other kids need, deserves to be treated just the same. Innocent. Just a kid.

We actually had to modify this exercise for me, because even looking at photos, I see a little sl*t. So instead, I sit myself down in a park or shopping centre and (without trying to look creepy) look at the other kids going past. How little they are, their short attention spans, their curiosity, the way they wander off, the way they panic when mum disappears, the way that chocolate bar is the one essential thing to lead them to happiness so why won't mum buy it for me.

The exercise is to notice that kids are kids. They're just little humans still learning and fragile and in need of a level of care that we can do without as adults. And that's what you were. Just a kid. So whatever your inner child had to do to get by, to survive the abuse, wow! Good job inner child! Seeing those other kids, could I possibly treat them with anything other than compassion and kindness? No. Are they anything other than completely innocent? No. My inner child is exactly the same. Just a kid.

 

[Brenton]

@Brenton - I have a lot of trouble making peace with my inner child as well, l...

That's very insightful and helpful. Much appreciated.
Brenton