Trying to get in my inner circle

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I have a problem and I need to vent. I do not trust easily, at all. It takes me a long time, if ever. I’m lightly socializing which is quite good and helps me. But, I’ve pegged this much older woman REALLY trying to get close to me and acting offended when I don’t sit close to her or talk much or ???. I find this to be very triggering. I let someone in a few years back and she used me and would not respect my boundaries. This new, old woman is in a shitty marriage (she said so) and I can tell goes to EVERY social event to escape her house which is understandable. But, I’m not interested in letting anyone all the way in. Not at this time.
I’m affable, encouraging, slightly funny. However, that is just me being polite and personable. It doesn’t mean anything else. I cannot be what this woman requires. I’m younger, my kids are minors. I have a husband and a household and a lot on my f’ng plate. I never again will allow anyone to use me, take advantage of me. PS: I find that lady kind of annoying and we don’t jive like she ASSumes we do. She reminds me horrifically of my Momster.

She literally will stand close to me. I don’t understand. I’m no social butterfly; not popular. Not cool. I’m Gen X and she’s a Boomer. Boomers sometimes bug the shit out of me with their entitled behavior! But the other Boomers I know do not act like that at all. wtf man wtf.

I try to ignore her antics but it’s not working. I’m introverted and value my privacy and space. I go, socialize then I go back to my crib as I’m drained and need to look after my responsibilities.

 

[arfie]

hope the venting helped, coco. compassionately standing my ground is the only thing i know to do in such cases. emphasis on "compassionate." such behavior is pretty sick and i feel better about myself when i don't get cruel with sick people.

on the ageist note,
i'm an old lady (boomer?) and start keeping track of my wallet when younger folks start pushing themselves on me. i have no desire to parent adult children. it is a taxing and unrewarding pastime. i don't keep track of the generational nicknames, but adult childhood hits every generation, by whatever name.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I guess my intent wasn’t ageism but more than once, many times, I’ve had bad experiences with Boomers. Something that they grew up thinking they’re entitled to (?) (my time, energy etc) and a lot are extroverts, from my experience. I don’t mind extroverts. What I mind is being steamrolled by them.

I think Gen X/Millennials etc understand introverts and value them. Like it’s acceptable on the whole with these cohorts. Also, I’m probably autistic (Jury is out on that one, still.)

 

[arfie]

personally, i don't mind admitting i am ageist. age decides nothing, but it matters every day. i treat a five year old differently than a 20 year old, etc., and solidly believe in keeping interactions age-appropriate. i don't hold the measures as sacred dogma, but they count and do offer allot of clues.

but my mind boggles at the thought of millions of people, by whatever designation, appreciating the same thing. i still don't know, or care, what "gen x" is, but a quick web surf says there are 65.2 million of them. i feel safe AssUming that they are a diverse population. 65.2 million souls can cover allot of ground.

but then we get to the subject of undesired solicitations of friendship. sticky business, at any age.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

Gen X (depends on the source) is like 1969-1980 or something. There are far fewer of us than Boomers and Millennials. Many of my cohort experienced divorced parents/latchkey kids. 20 years old by age 10 (joke.) I’ve been alone in more ways than one (before I met my husband in our 30s; he’s Gen X too.) We both have a ferociously independent streak.

Also, little kids being too close, monopolizing my attention/time doesn’t bother me at all. What rankles is adults that should know better?!

 

[Movingforward10]

What's stopping you from voicing what you want or don't want from this person? And building the friendships that you do cherish?

Personally, I have friends and acquaintances of all ages. Because life is rich and why put people in boxes and set up barriers? My partner is a 'boomer' and 15 years older than me. One of my friends is 24 years older than me (which I only found out about after about 10 years of friendship). Others 10 years younger. It's not age but values/principles/outlook on life that I find common ground in.

 

[arfie]

should i fess up that i am an amateur sociologist? i have a friend who calls herself a millennial and is quite passionate about the theories you are touting. i mostly poke fun at her theories. emphasis on "fun." i hold that fun is the key to friendship. she goes quid pro quo on a routine basis.

20 years old by age 10 (joke.)

i only wish that was a joke. when my current children came to me, the eldest was 6 and acted 30 with heartbreaking regularity. he is 11 now and still has a hard time acting like a kid. hope healing happens here.

We both have a ferociously independent streak.

ditto for my hub-a-lub and i. we may need another 45 years to drop the counter-productive ferocity, but we hold the independence as the key to our success. monopolizing on that independence allows us to cover twice as much ground. gotta watch that ferocity, though. ferocity inspires destruction.

What rankles is adults that should know better?!

should and probably do, but adults get sick, too. my personal approach to a desperate adult is to excuse myself without an explanation. i shoot for firm but gentle compassion, but try not to beat myself up if i get mean about it. ditto for children, with ageist modifications. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

should i fess up that i am an amateur sociologist? i have a friend who calls herself a millennial and is quite passionate about the theories you are touting. i mostly poke fun at her theories. emphasis on "fun." i hold that fun is the key to friendship. she goes quid pro quo on a routine basis.

i only wish that was a joke. when my current children came to me, the eldest was 6 and acted 30 with heartbreaking regularity. he is 11 now and still has a hard time acting like a kid. hope healing happens here.

ditto for my hub-a-lub and i. we may need another 45 years to drop the counter-productive ferocity, but we hold the independence as the key to our success. monopolizing on that independence allows us to cover twice as much ground. gotta watch that ferocity, though. ferocity inspires destruction.

should and probably do, but adults get sick, too. my personal approach to a desperate adult is to excuse myself without an explanation. i shoot for firm but gentle compassion, but try not to beat myself up if i get mean about it. ditto for children, with ageist modifications. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

Yeah I ain’t telling her S H I T I don’t want to torpedo the whole group. I will be polite, distant and not kowtow to her f’ng antics. She has a LOT of acquaintances (friends?) it’s not like everyone ignores her whatsoever.

Oh God I hope she doesn’t want to come over! I’d die. My husband and I are die hard introverts and having guests over? No thank you. It’s just us and our kids and that is plenty!

 

[Friday]

Oh God I hope she doesn’t want to come over! I’d die. My husband and I are die hard introverts and having guests over? No thank you. It’s just us and our kids and that is plenty!

That’s actually the perfect response if she does want to come over / tries to invitee herself.

“OMG. My husband and I are die hard introverts and having guests over? No thank you. It’s just us and our kids and that is plenty!”

 

[whiteraven]

Boomers sometimes bug the shit out of me with their entitled behavior!

I personally find this offensive. Perhaps she will, too. Maybe you should just be upfront with her? I am 63 (I refuse to use labels that are basically used to demean others), very introverted, but I have learned to speak up when others (esp. younger and much older folks) behave in ways that invade my space. I tell them what I need, feel horrible for awhile, then am back to normal (which may or may not be great, but it's comfortable).

on the ageist note,
i'm an old lady (boomer?) and start keeping track of my wallet when younger folks start pushing themselves on me. i have no desire to parent adult children. it is a taxing and unrewarding pastime. i don't keep track of the generational nicknames, but adult childhood hits every generation, by whatever name.

This.

but my mind boggles at the thought of millions of people, by whatever designation, appreciating the same thing. i still don't know, or care, what "gen x" is, but a quick web surf says there are 65.2 million of them. i feel safe AssUming that they are a diverse population. 65.2 million souls can cover allot of ground.

Yes. Labeling or associating one individual with a whole group is, in my opinion, no better than many of the things those groups are accused of.