- Post starter
- #13
Always have Hope!
New Here
I feel Anthony you are correct in what your saying.
So since I seen during our time together her making rashly decisions on a turn of a dime,. For example: watch her read a post on facebook and telling me it was plot that her friends are trying to mess with her, trying to hurt her. She delete them for a week and stop comunication with them, only to add them again, and start chatting with them like it didnt happen.
Another example is at times when we leave her VA appointment, she be very hyperactive, and express to me that they are watching her, spying on her, even go as far to ask me if I work for them since im ex military. Then when she calm down she act differently about it. So there were times I had to observe and give her some space. But she had less of the episodes the more we were active and doing positive activities with our families. Together we have five kids that we spent time together, I love hers and she loved mine. We even done family holiday events together at her grandparents.
I'm not saying she can't make her own decisions, and I will say this even for myself as well, she does make sudden rash decisions based on her mood and her thoughts. She is very normal most of the time but being around her so much in the past I have seen sporadic panicking mood swings. Going from one extreme to the next. At times I seen them coming and in time was able to talk with her as support, and she was able to calm down before a full panic attact erupted.
So we did establish a support bond between each other for we both have simular illnesses. She has done the same when I had slight panic, which wasn't very often. I will say her leaving me was not totally based on her ptsd. But I will say it happen days after her move. She told me its easier for her to be left alone, to hide. So to me she gave herself a escape route. Not because of the relations because now there isnt anyone to motivate her or push for her to do daily responsibilities or take her medication correctly.
Was that my responsibility when I was with her, no. But I cared and loved her and she told me manytimes how appreciative she was for my help when she was down and overwhelmed with everything. When we worked together like clockwork, her medicine took correctly, and we had fun and when we stayed positive there were less episodes by her.
So you all are saying never have contact with her? And see if she ever contacts me? Might as well take me out to the pasture and shoot me in the head. I'm already dead inside, I lost 30 pounds, lost 18 years of sobriety. Go days with no sleep searching the interent learning more about our disorders. My support group of friends tries to help me.
I do care about everyones advice on here and want to use it. It took years to recover from my childrens mother departure. Going through that and raising two children in diapers was hard. But this is ten times worst, I never loved a woman like I did her. The first I came close of ending the pain but knowing how much I would hurt my kids keep me from it. Every traumatic event I had work so hard to concealed burst back to reality. I'm dealing with it more normally now but I can't get the thoughts of losing her out of my head. No matter what I do and whatever I try, the words ring constantly in my head. I think I rather be alone the rest of my life than to ever feel such pain ever again.
So since I seen during our time together her making rashly decisions on a turn of a dime,. For example: watch her read a post on facebook and telling me it was plot that her friends are trying to mess with her, trying to hurt her. She delete them for a week and stop comunication with them, only to add them again, and start chatting with them like it didnt happen.
Another example is at times when we leave her VA appointment, she be very hyperactive, and express to me that they are watching her, spying on her, even go as far to ask me if I work for them since im ex military. Then when she calm down she act differently about it. So there were times I had to observe and give her some space. But she had less of the episodes the more we were active and doing positive activities with our families. Together we have five kids that we spent time together, I love hers and she loved mine. We even done family holiday events together at her grandparents.
I'm not saying she can't make her own decisions, and I will say this even for myself as well, she does make sudden rash decisions based on her mood and her thoughts. She is very normal most of the time but being around her so much in the past I have seen sporadic panicking mood swings. Going from one extreme to the next. At times I seen them coming and in time was able to talk with her as support, and she was able to calm down before a full panic attact erupted.
So we did establish a support bond between each other for we both have simular illnesses. She has done the same when I had slight panic, which wasn't very often. I will say her leaving me was not totally based on her ptsd. But I will say it happen days after her move. She told me its easier for her to be left alone, to hide. So to me she gave herself a escape route. Not because of the relations because now there isnt anyone to motivate her or push for her to do daily responsibilities or take her medication correctly.
Was that my responsibility when I was with her, no. But I cared and loved her and she told me manytimes how appreciative she was for my help when she was down and overwhelmed with everything. When we worked together like clockwork, her medicine took correctly, and we had fun and when we stayed positive there were less episodes by her.
So you all are saying never have contact with her? And see if she ever contacts me? Might as well take me out to the pasture and shoot me in the head. I'm already dead inside, I lost 30 pounds, lost 18 years of sobriety. Go days with no sleep searching the interent learning more about our disorders. My support group of friends tries to help me.
I do care about everyones advice on here and want to use it. It took years to recover from my childrens mother departure. Going through that and raising two children in diapers was hard. But this is ten times worst, I never loved a woman like I did her. The first I came close of ending the pain but knowing how much I would hurt my kids keep me from it. Every traumatic event I had work so hard to concealed burst back to reality. I'm dealing with it more normally now but I can't get the thoughts of losing her out of my head. No matter what I do and whatever I try, the words ring constantly in my head. I think I rather be alone the rest of my life than to ever feel such pain ever again.
